AIBU to be a little hurt at boyfriends suggestion of exercise?

[GladAmberEagle]

Been with my boyfriend just shy of a year now. He’s great, very funny etc. he’s never mentioned anything about my weight before - I’m a size 14, I suppose I carry it well (as in I don’t look as heavy as I am) but I could definitely lose a stone or 2.

We were chatting on the phone early and I mentioned a cycle to work scheme my work has on. He said something along the lines of ‘well you should consider it, you’d tone up’ I was taken a back by this because as I’d mention, he’s never made a comment about my weight before. I asked him what he was implying in a joking way and he said ‘well I’m just saying, exercise is good’.

AIBU to be a little upset over this? I mean, I won’t lose sleep over it, but still. Or am I being too sensitive?

Just to clarify, I should have mentioned that I hadn’t said I was looking at the cycle scheme, just that someone I work with was doing it. Which he then said ‘well you should do it, you’d tone up’. Tbh if I had said I was considering doing it I don’t think it would have hurt me. But thank you for your comment, I suppose he did mean it in a supportive way even if his delivery was a bit off.

Perhaps you've been putting on weight and this was his way of broaching the subject. It's a tricky subject for a lot of people but one that needs to be addressed.

Yeah, that’s true! I am very up and down with my weight to constantly go between a 12 and 14. I am probably being sensitive as it’s not a comment I would say to him.

Why wouldn't you say something to him? I genuinely don't understand that. Your partner's physical condition is very much your business, and your physical condition is his concern, too. If you are in this relationship for the long haul, you want to try to stay as healthy as you can for each other.

Weight gain can lead to countless health issues and it can very much impact someone's level of attraction for you. That doesn't mean they don't still love you, but sexually, it can cause a lot of issues. If you can't openly discuss weight issues with your partner, there's probably a lot of other communication issues, as well.

I can't see the issue with that. It's a fact, and wouldn't you want to be more healthy?

Without fully knowing him, on the face of it, I don’t think this comment is a big deal or aimed at your body/size. Cycling would tone anyone up, and cycling as a daily exercise is good for anyone’s health. If any of my friends or my DH told me that they were considering cycling to work, I would also think of the benefits of toning and exercise, irrespective of what size they were.

Nobody’s partner is entitled to advise, unsolicited, on their weight.

Completely agree with that, I discuss openly my wish to "tone up" or lose weight with my DH. In the same way, if he asked me whether he has gained weight, I would answer truthfully.
We're never critical of each other, on the contrary, but surely it is something you can share as a couple?

It was a pretty clumsy comment to make and it would have hurt my feelings, too, however if you are a couple of stone overweight, it would improve your health to cycle to work?

A partner isn't allowed to express concern for their loved one's health?

Well, excercise is good 😐 i just can't be bothered. 😃
I wouldn't be too offended by dp comments!!

Mm.. he knows you go to the gym, he knows you would like to drop some weight.

I don't think he's said anything really awful - it was relevant to the conversation and it is true, adding some different exercise into your routine would mean you'd tone up a bit.

Its not like, out of the blue, he said 'you should cycle to work, shift some lard fatty' is it?!

It's a tricky one - my fella and I could both definitely do with losing a bit, and we both discuss this with each other pretty openly (though he also recently reassured me it wouldn't make any difference to him attraction wise, and I also feel the same).

We have been together longer tho, and been through all sorts together, and I think weight is one of those issues it just does become easier to discuss the better you know someone......

Does this bloke compliment you, tell you you are pretty, make you feel like he fancies you? If so, then try not to fixate on the weight thing. If not, then that is something to think about .....

You are overthinking - he didn’t say you were fat - why are taking it to mean that? You have admitted you want to lose some weight - he’s put it sensitively and yet he’s the bad guy. Would you rather him lie?

It's nice to have a partner that can be honest with you and say what he thinks rather than having to tip toe around the truth to prevent you sulking for days...

A comment like that wouldn't bother me at all.

Wrong.

No, you’re wrong. They’re not a married couple with one heading towards a weight related health concern. They’ve been dating a year, he is absolutely not entitled to make comments about her weight/ appearance unless she asks about it.

OP, he probably didn’t mean to hurt your feeling but I could see why you might have felt a bit jarred.

It isn’t, because he suggested she needed to ‘tone up’ which has fuck all to do with health or the environment.

He didn’t express concern for her health. ‘Toning up’ isn’t a health term.

Life is too short for this level of navel gazing over a passing comment.
He is right, it is a statement of fact, cycling does help people tone up. That is agnostic of the starting state of the person who is cycling.
You can choose to take 'you would tone up' as a personal comment, or you can take it as said, factually correct. Which is more likely given that you know him and we don't?

I'd be Hurt but from the outside I can see sometimes people just say things like that. Lots of people assume everyone wants to tone up, and it doesn't necessarily carry any deeper meaning, especially if he's never negged you before

Agree with this. Healthy exercise is good for all

If it's an isolated incident I wouldn't worry much more about it.

My husband occasionally says dumb things and I'm still glad i married him.

It's okay to say you're not happy about it though.

You know exactly the context we’re discussing, so nope – they’re not.

Nope.