AIBU to be a little hurt at boyfriends suggestion of exercise?

[GladAmberEagle]

Been with my boyfriend just shy of a year now. He’s great, very funny etc. he’s never mentioned anything about my weight before - I’m a size 14, I suppose I carry it well (as in I don’t look as heavy as I am) but I could definitely lose a stone or 2.

We were chatting on the phone early and I mentioned a cycle to work scheme my work has on. He said something along the lines of ‘well you should consider it, you’d tone up’ I was taken a back by this because as I’d mention, he’s never made a comment about my weight before. I asked him what he was implying in a joking way and he said ‘well I’m just saying, exercise is good’.

AIBU to be a little upset over this? I mean, I won’t lose sleep over it, but still. Or am I being too sensitive?

YANBU. It was a weird thing to say. He could have said it sounds good without adding a comment about how it would affect your appearance.
typical man, only focused on what he wants.

Wow sometimes there threads take an 'outraged on your behalf' 'is he an Adonis?' etc direction but this one has gone completely the other way !!

Another entirely batshit thread.

OP, I’d be a great deal more upset and hurt than you and you are not unreasonable to be both. He did not say it out of concern for your health. He made a dickish comment and I hope it’s a one off mistake and not part of a pattern.

Throw this one back in the sea. He will ALWAYS have something to say about your body/your weight. Wait til you have babies and everything grows and some bits drop/droop, he will probably have you booked in for plastic surgery so you can look good enough for him! He sounds like an arsehole @GladAmberEagle Bin him!

From what you've said about the conversation and your relationship, it doesn't sound like he meant it horribly, but it's obviously hard to judge without having been there or knowing you both.

He may have simply meant it in a supportive "gain more muscle/generally get fit" as he knows you're going to the gym and maybe assumed that's what you might want, plus it's a good opportunity.

If neither of you have mentioned your weight previously, I'd say it's a non-issue, but I can understand it's hard not to take it as one if it's something you're sensitive about. If you've not mentioned your weight to him previously, he might not realise you're sensitive about your weight, so it was just a slightly thoughtless comment.

Wait until he brings up someone who’s had plastic surgery and say “you should consider it, you’d gain an inch or two” or until he points out how someone’s dressed - “you should consider shopping there, you’d look smarter”. If he takes it on the chin then he didn’t mean much by his own comment. If he’s offended, he didn’t have good intentions saying that to you.

In what context did you mention the cycle to work scheme? It's no secret that exercise has many physical and emotional benefits (and this scheme has a financial benefit, too). w/o knowing about your relationship and how you normally talk about things, it's hard to know whether he was having a dig or saying things that are normally OK between you both.

I have a new job which is a 45 minute drive away from me - so I had mentioned when I was there the other day to meet the team I said they were promoting a cycle to work scheme and said something like ‘can you imagine how long it would take me to cycle there with how long the drive is’, and then he said ‘well you should, you should tone up’. I can totally see everyone’s view on it - but it doesn’t take away that it did hurt a little, as I’m not happy with my weight currently and have been dieting and going to the gym.

Wouldn't a distance that takes 45 minutes to drive take over two hours by bike? He wants you to bike 5 hours a day to be more toned for him?

No, it isn’t.

I would be offended by this too. As other posters have said, it’s the language used which is hurtful, not the idea of cycling itself.

Ooof, that doesn't sound great and I think you're right to be upset.
I guess you can only talk to him and see how he responds.
From what you've said, you don't generally discuss weight, tone etc so maybe it was just an ill thought out comment (or rather a non thought out comment). If it turns out he is bothered by your looks then you need to find where he stands on that and go from there.
I think it's fine for partners to care and be supportive or encouraging, but the motivation to tone/lose weight needs to come from you (which you know and is why you're upset).

A few weeks of cycling what...40 miles a day would certainly improve your fitness, unless it's 45 mins in stop/start heavy traffic, in which case a bike might be a good idea.

I wouldn’t be bothered about the suggestion of biking (though I wouldn’t do it).

Tone up is a bit off, but it might have been a scrambled auto response to you pulling him up on it.

I’d just say that you go to the gym, so you don’t mind him suggesting a bike club, but, while you realise he didn’t intend to piss you off, it’s not for him to tell you to tone up.

Don’t make it more than it is, but there’s nothing wrong with communicating your boundaries

I often tell the men in my family to lose weight. Never mean to hurt anyone but I want my loved ones to be fit, healthy and energetic....for their own sakes. You admit you need to lose a stone or two. Most of us do and probably should.