Page 6 | To think we shouldn't be treated like mealtime maids

LoveBlueCheese · 2024-07-29T12:44:21+00:00

On a family holiday. 11 of us. In laws, DH's 2 brothers and their wives. 1 nephew, and our own 2 DC. As its difficult to find a table big enough to accomodate everyone, it was easier to split into 2 tables. Scenario was - in laws always arrive early and then everyone else floats in. BIL and SIL with their DS come in and he wants to sit with our kids. Won't begrudge all the kids wanting to sit together. But then BIL and SIL then both choose to sit at the other table! So if DH hadn't spotted it in time, I would have been left alone with 3 kids by myself at the other table! DH came to sit with us and was pretty peed off at his brother and SIL. The same thing happened again the next day until we were deliberately late the next day. Amazingly BIL and SIL rocked up and got their DS to sit alone at the table and sat away from him with the rest until MIL made a snarky comment which made them move. To add context - their DS has adhd. He is disruptive and literally can't sit still i.e. the kid that keeps running about in restaurants and bugging his parents every 5 minutes for the phone or for this and that. So my own DC can't eat properly either as they get distracted. AIBU to think u should sit with ur DC during mealtimes and supervise them as they are your bloody responsibility!?!!I felt like the bloody mealtime maid and so did DH! nephew is 7, not 17!!

Lola2321 · 04/08/2024 21:48

Nothingspecialhere · 01/08/2024 08:51

What I’ve taken from your post is you have no understanding of additional needs and have decided your nephew is ‘disruptive’ and ‘bugging’. Regardless of the situation, your use of language is rather offensive. He does not choose to behave in such a way. Maybe a little more empathy and understanding of ADHD and other needs may make the situation different for you?

I understand you are on holiday and do not want to help your nephew. This is your BIL life though and you are fed up after a few days? As a parent of a child with additional needs, no, I would never leave my child to sit without me and wouldn’t dream of doing so, but maybe they need a rest as are at breaking point. Family should been seen as a safe space to help. You need to tell them you don’t want to as you clearly dislike your nephew based on your description of him.

So because OPs children don’t have additional needs, OP and her husband aren't allowed a break. You’re essentially saying only the parents of the child with additional needs are entitled to a break. No other parent can get to breaking point, only parents of children with additional needs.

JustAnotherDadOf2 · 05/08/2024 01:46

Please dont get too strung out on this, ADHD kids are exhausting. His/her mum and Dar prolly needed a little respite plus ADHD kids need to learn how to socialise with their peers.

BettyBardMacDonald · 05/08/2024 02:22

JustAnotherDadOf2 · 05/08/2024 01:46

Please dont get too strung out on this, ADHD kids are exhausting. His/her mum and Dar prolly needed a little respite plus ADHD kids need to learn how to socialise with their peers.

Then they should have brought their nanny along. OP is on holiday to get her own break.

batt3nb3rg · 05/08/2024 03:28

Nothingspecialhere · 01/08/2024 08:51

What I’ve taken from your post is you have no understanding of additional needs and have decided your nephew is ‘disruptive’ and ‘bugging’. Regardless of the situation, your use of language is rather offensive. He does not choose to behave in such a way. Maybe a little more empathy and understanding of ADHD and other needs may make the situation different for you?

I understand you are on holiday and do not want to help your nephew. This is your BIL life though and you are fed up after a few days? As a parent of a child with additional needs, no, I would never leave my child to sit without me and wouldn’t dream of doing so, but maybe they need a rest as are at breaking point. Family should been seen as a safe space to help. You need to tell them you don’t want to as you clearly dislike your nephew based on your description of him.

Children with ADHD are often disruptive, that’s a factual description of their behaviour.

Momtotwokids · 05/08/2024 04:04

LoveBlueCheese · 01/08/2024 14:57

Didn't want to disrupt my already disruptive holiday but since the woke SEN brigade has stepped in to comment on my supposed lack of understanding about ADHD, fine!! The parents of nephew who has ADHD live in a country with live in maids. No prizes for guessing which country this might be. Their son is constantly attended to by a maid. And on the days when the maid is allowed a day off, their child goes over to the other grandparents (i.e., maternal grandparents). Sue me for not being a bloody bleeding heart FFS. The parents need a break!?? A BREAK???

I'm confused by the guess what country they live in? Hopefully your vacation got better.

DearDenimEagle · 07/08/2024 07:00

Nothingspecialhere · 01/08/2024 08:51

What I’ve taken from your post is you have no understanding of additional needs and have decided your nephew is ‘disruptive’ and ‘bugging’. Regardless of the situation, your use of language is rather offensive. He does not choose to behave in such a way. Maybe a little more empathy and understanding of ADHD and other needs may make the situation different for you?

I understand you are on holiday and do not want to help your nephew. This is your BIL life though and you are fed up after a few days? As a parent of a child with additional needs, no, I would never leave my child to sit without me and wouldn’t dream of doing so, but maybe they need a rest as are at breaking point. Family should been seen as a safe space to help. You need to tell them you don’t want to as you clearly dislike your nephew based on your description of him.

8 adults present and you think the mother with 2 children of her own to deal with should add a disruptive child to her holiday every day of that holiday? Why should it only be on her? With 2 children already, should she not expect to enjoy some holiday, not have extra stress ? Why not the childless adults take a turn, too?

tuttuttutt · 07/08/2024 07:40

DearDenimEagle · 07/08/2024 07:00

8 adults present and you think the mother with 2 children of her own to deal with should add a disruptive child to her holiday every day of that holiday? Why should it only be on her? With 2 children already, should she not expect to enjoy some holiday, not have extra stress ? Why not the childless adults take a turn, too?

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This is MN. Despite it being 2024 it’s always down to a female parent to look after and pander to others, even others children. If you don’t you’re selfish and judgemental.

RunningThroughMyHead · 07/08/2024 07:50

Nothingspecialhere · 01/08/2024 08:51

What I’ve taken from your post is you have no understanding of additional needs and have decided your nephew is ‘disruptive’ and ‘bugging’. Regardless of the situation, your use of language is rather offensive. He does not choose to behave in such a way. Maybe a little more empathy and understanding of ADHD and other needs may make the situation different for you?

I understand you are on holiday and do not want to help your nephew. This is your BIL life though and you are fed up after a few days? As a parent of a child with additional needs, no, I would never leave my child to sit without me and wouldn’t dream of doing so, but maybe they need a rest as are at breaking point. Family should been seen as a safe space to help. You need to tell them you don’t want to as you clearly dislike your nephew based on your description of him.

What a load of BS.

Did you miss the part about OP having her own two children? No child is a walk in the park, she works hard all year round with her own house, kids, job (presumably).

If in-laws want help, they should ask for it "brother, we're both absolutely shattered, would it be ok for our son to sit with you for a few dinners this week?".

No just lump him with them and say nothing. No thanks, no request.

Your post comes across as entitled. Having a child with ADHD doesn't mean everyone else has it easier or that everything else needs to do things for you. I have three young children, if I got lumbered with other children, I'd be standing up and leaving. ALL parents have it hard.

Ilovecleaning · 07/08/2024 10:21

Children with ADHD CAN be a PITA and I don’t care who flames me. They can be exhausting and bloody hard work. All praise to those with more patience than me.