To ask for life advice from women 50+

[WhatNext24]

Inspired by a thread asking what advice 40+ women would give to younger women based on their experiences. There's some good stuff on there.

I am 43, single and no kids. Decent career, own home. At a bit of a crossroads because it's too late for kids now (I didn't meet the right person), I am lacklustre about my current job (so need a new one) and need a general shake up.

What would any MNers 50+ do in my shoes? Or what general life advice would you share?

Can I admit to being jealous? Really jealous?
In your shoes, I'd be looking for a passion project or new job that you love - at the least, a job that gives more than it takes.
I'd take up an interest like line dancing or an adult class like art or psychology.

The money saved on single income no kids I'd be using for travel and self-care. If I had time, I might do some community work/church, and if I had desperate need to nurture I'd consider short-term fostering as a career change (you don't do it for the £ but it is doable for the right person).

But I'd probably get a cat, a dog if I could WFH.
If sensible, I'd get a decent pension or try and pay off a mortgage quicker.
Grass may be greener but as I said, well jel

What job do you currently do?
What countries have you been to?
What's on your bucket list?
Oh and I'd learn to salsa.

Figure out what your passion is and follow it. Make sure you have a decent pension. Holiday as often as you can. Take on a further qualification to help your career. Get a cat, in fact, better, get two!

Thanks @BehindTheSequinsandStilettos it's helpful to hear about the positives through someone else's eyes!

I already wfh but it's too lonely so I want to look for something hybrid. I am already prioritising mortgage and pension to a decent extent.

I love the idea of a passion project. I have prioritised responsibilities a lot even though I don't have kids. A passion project would be lovely.

I do want a cat! I've decided against it but that's a whole other thread...

My career is in psychology and I love it as a profession; it's my job that needs to change.

Think of what kind of retirement you want. Every decision you make should be aimed towards that.

Prioritise your health and fitness.

Educate yourself about financial investments if you don't know this already. Use that knowledge to save as much as you can, whilst not living too frugally to enjoy the here and now.

Be happy, so if you don't like your job, change it.

Don't worry about what other people think, it's not a good use of your mental bandwidth. Most people are too preoccupied with themselves to care much about what you do anyway.

Look after what/who is important to you. Cherish your true friends.

Have you ever thought about volunteer work in an area that you have an interest in?

@unsync that's an excellent list, thank you.

I have the kid but he has now moved away to study. But I felt the same about my job and although I adapted well to working from home, I started feeling miserable missing the chit chat and camaraderie we coworkers had.

I saved and created other sources of income to allow me to take a year out trying to push the “reset” button and find what were the things that really made me happy as well as retraining and traveling.

It worked very well, I am now clear about what I enjoy, had taken courses to support that career change and I am keeping my side hustle to keep money coming in as the new job is more gratifying but doesn’t pay as much as the previous one.

if you are not able to do something like that, I suggest by getting a job where you can work from an office with a regular team, that takes away a lot of the loneliness and give you the teamwork and chitchat that makes working more enjoyable.

Yes, to taking your health and fitness seriously. Best defence against dementia.

Take up karate - that's what I did in my (late) 40s.Try other active things - caving, kayaking, climbing.

Keep learning. Never lose your sense of curiosity (If you haven't got one, develop one). Try any opportunities that come your way. Get rid of any hobby or activity which doesn't give you pleasure - just because you've done something for years, doesn't mean you always have to do it. Remember you still have half your life before you.

Plan for a wonderful future but also appreciate everything you have just as it is now - good health, youthful looks, family.

Find and nuture your passion. And get that pet!

I stayed too long in a job that wasn't fulfilling. I retired early and discovered my passion. My hobby became volunteer work. I should have done it a lot sooner and got paid for it. I am much much happier.
The years go by quicker than you'd think, so make the change now. Nobody gives you a medal for sticking it out.
And congratulations on asking the question while you can do something about it!

Think back to when you were 11-13. Who were you and what were the things you enjoyed. What did you want out of life. I always think this is the last time we were free to be who we were before boy's, exams, uni, work, marriage, kids. Life stressors and responsibilities kick in.

I was into fashion- reading about it, history, magazines, sewing etc. But along the way fashion just became about buying stuff. I lost my own style. But when you get older you realise you don’t care what others think, you do what pleases you. So I found my own unique style again, love watching you tube videos on couture etc, learning to sew again.

I also took up watercolour painting again, which I hadn’t done in decades. I gave up because I thought I was rubbish but my older self knows now not to judge myself so harshly.

Small things, like I loved going to the library and I realised that these days I was stupidly buying most of my books on Amazon!. I’ve now made the library a weekly outing and that in itself has opened more doors because it’s a community hub.

Maybe you were a dancer, or loved writing short stories or liked talking to older members of your family about your family history. Try and think back and maybe it will give you inspiration for your future

You only get one life so bloody live it!

it’s too short to be stuck in a job you hate, with a person you don’t love or a place you don’t enjoy - do what makes you happy!

54 - single (happily) 3 adult(ish) kids - planning to move soon and in a job I love!

im a person with many hobbies and personal interests. I could keep myself busy for the rest of my life without any effort. If I didn’t have to worry about my child’s financial future, then my entire focus would be on retiring as early as possible.

i have an intellectually challenging job where I get to contribute to society. I’d give it up tomorrow to have complete freedom to be an artist and to just have time to do whatever I want.

I'd drink and shag, it goes a bit downhill post menopause. Appreciate your energy levels and don't take future good health for granted, so if there's something that you want to do, like inter-railing across Europe, or walking tours in Vietnam, do them ASAP. I'd get into meditation and thai chi/yoga, it's really effective for aging.

Not too late for kids if still want the chance

Whether try iui /ivf with donor sperm

Or foster /adopt

Or you may not want that - I wasn't sure from your tone of post iyswim

Life is too short to be in a job you don't enjoy

Oh god, get a cat! I have three and it's amazing!!

My advice would be to think about what you were passionate about when you were younger and have let fall by the wayside.

For me it was campaigning and activism. I stopped when I had my dd; you may have dropped something if you prioritised work.

I've changed my focus from when I was younger and over the last few years have been involved in women's rights.

Joining my local WRN group has been brilliant - I've made new friends; it keeps my brain active because I'm always learning new things and getting involved in discussions; I do street stalls which gets me out of the house and has developed my confidence and social skills.

Personally, and I'm not saying this is what you should do, just what I would do, I would be putting things in motion to have children. That was a priority for me.

Other than that I would be making sure I had a good community around me of people I enjoy being with.

I would definitely think about what you want to do career wise / next job if you aren't happy in your current role .
I know it will not be the same everywhere and for every profession but I do find that in your fifties as a woman there is an element of ageism and people writing you off .

As others have said , a part - time voluntary role could give you some experience if you are wanting to change the area of work you do .

I think also not to put things off until a perfect scenario as you may be waiting forever . If you love cats , what about signing up to cat sit for others - also usually paid as well .

Find your happy weight now and stick to it like sticky glue. It's much much harder to lose weight during peri and menopause. If this isn't a life goal, don't worry about it, but if you can stay where you want to be in terms of weight, exercise and fitness into your whole forties and fifties it helps so much when the inevitable spare tyre starts piling.

For life goals, I'd say ask yourself- what will I regret if I don't do? Is there something you always thought you would do, but you were going to do it later? Now is a good time, you don't know what the future holds but health can change from this time out so if there's things you want to achieve, I'd crack on now. Playing Big by Tara Mohr is good on this for women.

You've got loads of positives in your life, but it sound like you're missing a spark. What would you love to do if time and money wasn't an issue?