To ask for life advice from women 50+

[WhatNext24]

Inspired by a thread asking what advice 40+ women would give to younger women based on their experiences. There's some good stuff on there.

I am 43, single and no kids. Decent career, own home. At a bit of a crossroads because it's too late for kids now (I didn't meet the right person), I am lacklustre about my current job (so need a new one) and need a general shake up.

What would any MNers 50+ do in my shoes? Or what general life advice would you share?

Having children is not the be all and end all. Being at peace with it though makes everything so much easier.
Meditation and therapy has been life changing for me. Also finding an exercise routine that I enjoy. Stress is a killer so do whatever you can to ameliorate it. Don't use alcohol as a crutch though. You've only got one liver. Get used to drinking less than you want on fewer occasions than you want. Your body and brain will thank you.
Focus on building a life with plenty of fun. It's so easy to get absorbed by work, you need a balance.

Give back - mentor, volunteer, be kind to someone every day... so rewarding for both sides.
Good luck OP. I really enjoyed my 40s - and 50s are pretty good so far! It really is not all downhill.

What sort of personal are you? Would you say that you are naturally content? Is it just that you need to make a few minor adjustments at this crossroads?

I know you're sensibly prioritising mortgage and pension but don't forget to live in the here and now.

What about a Gap Year - even if you did one when a teen there is still a big world out there. You could spend maybe three months in somewhere like Italy to learn the language or cooking; then a trip to relatives/friends in USA/Australia or wherever! A residential art course in the UK/abroad.

@WhatNext24 I forgot the important one!

Love yourself. Know your worth and value it. Have boundaries and enforce them. I learnt this one the hard way.

I agree. Mortgage and pension. But also live in the moment, and enjoy. You only get one crack at this. We could all be dead or ill tomorrow.

Go do a masters on campus.

join a walking club - my friend (single: 56) is just back from a walking holiday in Bosnia!

That is all I have. 😁Am stuck in the walking one. Would love that kind of holiday.

I would say to prioritise health and fitness.
Take up something that suits you that you'll stick to.

I enjoy yoga and (very slow) running. They've massively improved my health and I've made new friends.
I wish I'd taken them up earlier.

What a lovely thread! I'm late 50's and enjoying these suggestions! 😊

Enjoy being the person you are. You don't have to have a big adventure, or an impressive achievement. Just find something to enjoy about every day.

Health and fitness are key
Career wise look at your job and decide how to progress it - invest in training or learning new skills (OU/Future Learn etc)
Go away every 4/6 weeks - even for a couple of days break
Learn a new sport/activity
SPF is key - on face, neck and back of hands
Get finances sorted for next 20 years.

Another here saying fitness. Menopause takes it out of you. Give yourself a really good base to start from. Fine something you love and will stick to. Try different things. I love running and yoga. Am useless at both but still love to do them.

All these sensible people. I'm 55. At 45 I sold everything bought a camper and travelled the world. Now I rent a glorious place in the country do borrow my doggy, and volunteer for a charity. I work three days a week, will have a shit pension and the government will have to pay my rent which I do worry about. I believe in living for today, life is really short. Don't save for a cruise when you're 80, go this year.

My dad’s mantra becomes increasingly relevant as you get older - do it while you can. While it’s obviously sensible to prepare for retirement, don’t wait for it to do things you dream of. I know someone who worked their arse off to pay off their mortgage and build a great pension, then had a massive stroke and all that retirement money is paying care home fees, her dreams will never be more than that. Live for today.

Some great suggestions already but I would definitely recommend educating yourself on investing.

Prioritise your health and wellbeing, get into the habit of stretching daily - your 50+ self will thank you ☺️

No matter your age, wealth or health, I would advise anyone to get a power of attorney in place with someone you would trust with your life. And a will.

Lastly, get a couple of cats, they are fantastic company, endlessly entertaining and great judges of character. You won’t regret it.

I'd try and have a child

I met an amazing man in my late 40s through online dating. Don't rule it out, you have time to be picky. Also, if you meet a man with children, you could build a happy relationship with them and their future children.

Love this thread! Agree with all the comments about prioritising health and fitness. Up your protein intake and take up strength training to build/preserve muscle mass now. And don't put off doing the things you've always wanted to but haven't quite got round to yet.

When I was 52 I took a break from 'real life' and spent 6 incredible weeks walking 1000km across Spain on the Camino Frances. I'm so grateful I did it then as the following summer I was in the middle of 6 cycles of chemotherapy...you never know what's round the corner. Fortunately I'm now back to full health, prioritising my fitness, and structuring my work so I can plan more adventures.

You got it all!
What advice do you want? 😊
I'm 45, married, child free.
Put yourself first, stay single, don't have kids,
don't put up with other people's BS, don't let them take more time and energy of you,
than you are comfortable with.
Don't let anyone "bite a chunk" of you or try
to change you.
Enjoy your own seasons, birthdays and Christmasses and whatever else.
I cannot wait to be on my own one day again! 😜

Seriously? Why? It’s hard enough being a single parent when it’s thrust upon you, I can’t imagine why anyone would actively choose it.

Remember that you can let life just happen to you passively, or you can take control to have the life you want. I'm 54 and have just had this revelation.

Your opinion matters and is valid
Question what's not right
Support others without letting it impact your peace
Let go of those in life who don't bring anything positive

Think about the things you'd like to do, but you've held yourself back from.

Use your voice. Don't let others drown you out.

Ultimately, take no shit, find things you enjoy and apply for those jobs you're drawn to.

At your point in life I’d say it’s all about curation (as horrible as that word is). Really, really think about the things you love - anything and everything, no matter how small, that makes you feel joyful and alive. The people, places, activities, interests, work, food, hobbies that that make you feel happiest and most like ‘you’. Spend time doing it, write it all down, find images, make a reference page - visualise your dream life, what you’d be doing and where; who’s there, what your home looks like.

I know this sounds ridiculous in some ways, but doing this exercise really focussed my mind on what’s important - what I should be gravitating towards, what I should be letting go of or saying no to, what decision to make when there’s a choice, how to allocate my time. It stops ‘drift’ and moving mindlessly through the days. Because god knows the time flies by and you suddenly become acutely aware of how precious it is and how little is left. I wish I’d done it at your age - if I had my life would look quite different now!

Think about what's important to you. You could change or develop your career. I didn't get a professional qualification until I was over 40. Best thing I ever did. You've possibly got 20 more years in the workplace, make the most of them.

If you need anything done to your house - decoration, garden sorted, trades in - do it now while you still have the energy and inclination! I missed that boat in my 50s when I was hit by cancer, another life-threatening illness and menopause and never quite got my oomph back - now I'm looking at my 60s and the thought of doing all this makes me cry daily...

Wow, just came back to this thread this evening and such a lot of great replies. Am working through them now. Thank you so much everyone!

@Oblomov24 this is a good call out; no, I would say I am always striving for something. I know it and don't think it's an issue, it's healthy part of who I am. But it probably means that a sense of coasting feels more uncomfortable to me than it might to someone else. I don't think it's underlying what I am currently feeling though.