To ask for life advice from women 50+

[WhatNext24]

Inspired by a thread asking what advice 40+ women would give to younger women based on their experiences. There's some good stuff on there.

I am 43, single and no kids. Decent career, own home. At a bit of a crossroads because it's too late for kids now (I didn't meet the right person), I am lacklustre about my current job (so need a new one) and need a general shake up.

What would any MNers 50+ do in my shoes? Or what general life advice would you share?

Travel as much as you can. I'm not sure anything creats as many memories.

I just read you don't want to travel.....you mention health. Apart from finances I'd say make this a priority in your life. Find a sport or an active hobby.

Learn an instrument. I started piano lessons at 51. I'm rubbish but it's good for brain plasticity!
I'm planning on going P/T next year. Like my job, it pays well, but want more free time.
Planning to buy a small place in Italy or France to use off-season.
Take up a sport.
Would love a cat but too much of a bind & responsibility.

@WhatNext24

Get the cat.

Cats are very independent creatures who spend most of their lives asleep. They really don't mind being left all day.
If you are really worried about them being lonely - get two !

I was surprised to develop a keen interest in gardening having hated the idea previously.

How about starting a 50th birthday celebration fund and promising yourself you’re going to work on maintaining good friendships? Then you’ll have people you really care about to invite

This is a lovely thread with great ideas.

The two older women I envy most are in your shoes. They live very nice lives in pleasant flats in the centre of the capital and spend their lives going to the opera and art galleries. One drops everything for three months in the summer to volunteer on archeological digs in Albania. The other travels to Seoul every other year to visit friends. Living the fucking dream.

My advice is that 43 is really young! Enjoy your youth, embrace it.

Be prepared for perimenopause. Research it so you know how to recognise it and how to deal with it.

What a lovely thread and some great ideas here.

OP, I'd say think about who you really want to spend time with and make that happen. Don't say yes to invitations with people who irritate you or out of obligation, only go to the things and see the people who will make you happy.

Oh also, kids aren't all they're cracked up to be, enjoy being childfree. And HRT is amazing, be proactive about your peri menopause. I'm post meno but sleep well, feel good and still have plenty of great sex, some of that down to HRT.

There's some great child free groups out there to join to chat with like minded women.

I was like you at your age OP. At 45 I got married for the first time with a newborn in tow. All came as something of a surprise.

Well aware that I am unusual though. I would be planning for the long term. When do you want to retire? Do you have enough in the pot to achieve that. Where would you want to live?

Like minded friends are really important and some who might not have been so engaged whilst bringing up their kids might be ready to get back their social life (assuming you still want that connection).

Do get involved in maintaining your fitness, use it or lose it.

But ultimately make the most of being able to do what you want, when you want. It's great.

Great advice from everyone. My single piece of advice is to work out what fills your bucket and make time to do more of those things. It will be different for everyone so no one list is exactly right for you.

I did this at 49 with the help of a life coach (worth every penny). As it turns out my professional career does fill my bucket but I have chosen to balance that with my interests (and my family) without feeling guilty. For me that's: fashion, gardening and spending time with my very long-term friends.

I made my 50th year the year of selfishly saying yes - it was a great year.

At the same time think about the things that drain your bucket - offload them if you can or just do them and move on to more joyous things. Find exercise that you do like (boxing for me) rather than flogging at things you don't. Throw money at things - I love driving a clean car so I get my car valeted every 2 months. Also worth every penny for the joy it give me.

Not quite 50 but very close…

In your shoes I would focus energy on retirement planning, it gets a lot easier if you do it in your now. You’re going to have some different challenges in that department. Start making ‘what if’ plans and really just throw money at it for a while.

If I were single and in your shoes I would travel, for some reason I’m seeing a lot of solo traveling ads right now and they look wonderful. Sadly work and existing travel plans are kind of getting in the way.

I would also put effort into building a wide network, friends, hobby sharers, professionals that you can use in the future, etc. Include young people, borrow or adopt your friend’s kids… Honestly I love the role of ‘Aunty Saltines’ to my god children. It was fun to watch them grow up as kids and it’s even better to part of their lives now that they are young adults and making their way in the world.

My 40’s were fun, but a little samey in the grand scheme of things. However that helped me prepare for the big exciting changes in my 50’s that I’m planning.

Plough loads into a pension and pay off your mortgage. I'm 57 and I wish someone had warned me how much of a struggle work would become when I reached the menopause. Despite being a career person all my life I now just want to retire but can't even consider it yet

Be aware with pensions the age you can take them keeps rising. Having some savings can give you more flexibility. But yes to paying off the mortgage.
But most of all, have fun. Seriously life goes way faster than you think it will. Old age brings challenges. Bereavements, and illness. And however healthy you manage to keep yourself, you can't stop people round about you from dying. So have fun. Don't take life for granted.

I'm 10 years ahead of you and also single with no kids. My advice is to make changing your job a priority and go for something that makes you happy.
Definitely get that cat because animals are awesome and make you laugh every day.
Invest in your friendships but only those who equally invest in you. Ditch the friends who cancel too often, always wait for you to make first contact and who judge you for your lifestyle. Your life will be happier and lighter.
If you want a partner, try online dating or whatever floats your boat. Have fun and don't take it seriously because being single is a good way to live.
Ignore people who tell you it is not too late to have a child, go it alone etc. Realistically, you are now too old and it is difficult to go it alone.

Do something for you that brings you joy. For me it is my monthly purchase of a piece of jewellery or a lipstick, sometimes both.

Despite the myths single, childless people are not rolling in it and we have bills, responsibilities too - don't ever be afraid to tell arseholes who make assumptions about your singleness or your childlessness to fuck off.
And lastly, spend your money on what you want, when you want and fuck leaving it to greedy, entitled relatives.
Enjoy!

Buy a blood pressure monitor. Cheap, but could save your life. Loads of people blissfully unaware of high BP

Become a Nomad..and sell your house....Seriously

I know some people will not agree, but its just another POV

If you are lucky enough to be in good health- I would defo become a Nomad

Life isn't about stuff, nice houses etc, it's about experiences. Read that sentence back again.

I'd sell that ball and chain house, and become a Nomad - either by buying a Narrowboat, or being a Van-Lifer.

If you don't fancy moving - There are loads of people with small holdings in lovely places scotland cornwall that offer free van / caravan standing, in exchange for a few hours work per week also - this could be a semi-nomad option, moving from job to job

My preference would be a Narrowboat though for sure

I know two families who live on boats - One couple have lived on the water all their married life and are retired now and choose not to cruise like they used to these days, but have a permanent pitch at a marina

It is the absolute best life style however sadly due to medical reasons I cannot do it these days

General advice: fitness is SO important.

Start bodyweight/weight training now. You will get strong bones to reduce chances of osteoporosis later on, and your taut muscles will support your skeleton, give you excellent and youthful posture. Your strength and tone will give you energy and make you capable of doing things you want to do, from building furniture to climbing mountains. You feel capable and amazing when you develop strength. Likewise, with flow yoga, you develop balance and flexibility which are superb skills to acquire before you start to lose them.

So do bodyweight/bootcamp/weighttraining in some form and flow yoga or similar stretchy, balancy exercise - ballet, contemporary dance, Tai Chi, in some form.

Make a bucket list and start systematically doing stuff from it. Travel now, while you are fit and young, to the most adventurous places that might require a bit more fitness, plan to do the sightseeing-based trips later. Learn skills you want to get good at. Start now and develop them. Spend money on experiences you won't regret. If your favourite singer comes to town and the tickets are £££ buy one!

Sort your finances out. Pay into your pension. Get ISAs, check your NI is up to date.

Strengthen and broaden your friendship groups. Make sure you have several - some casual, some more intimate, some physically active, some more emotionally connective. Without a partner/children, these are your key network.

Never decide not to make an effort because it's 'just you.' Make your home uplifting and comfortable to return to. Let it reflect your personality. Same with clothes. Eat healthy good food. Look after your body generally with regukar dental, eye, beauty appointments.

If there's something you really REALLY want and you don't have it in life, never assume there's only one way to get it. If you'd like to experience parenting, consider doing respite foster care or becoming a mentor to a child through a local scheme.

I am a great believer in doing what makes you happy

In my 40s

Spent time on my owm
Started a new, happier relationship
I was made redundant
Relocated for a new job
Invested in property
Joined some clubs
Started a new sporting hobby
Travelled to some amazing places UK & abroad
Spen time with family & friends
Paid into pension

I had an incredible time

Happy

I think it's fine to travel the world and work part time if you can afford it, but risky to assume that the state ie other taxpayers will support that lifestyle choice

Take up weight training to strengthen your core and bones before you’re so sapped by decreasing hormones that it feels too late.

I’m the same age as you, with 2 primary school aged kids. I love my job, I’ve been here 20 years, I’m well paid and they’re really flexible. However I do feel like I’m at a “now or never” moment - if I don’t look for a new role now (and I want a higher profile/more responsibility role that’s not possible in my existing organisation, plus I want a challenge), I don’t want to look back in 10 years and regret not doing it.

I recently joined a committee based around supporting women in the industry I work in and it has quite frankly been eye opening in terms of opening up opportunities for me. My responsibilities on the Committee have put me in contact with women in high profile roles and I’ve been able to ask them for advice as well as simply getting myself in front of them and my face out there - I’ve come to realise that networking is absolutely key, and I’ve had some fantastic conversations.

I’ve also got myself a mentor, again through the Committee. She’s amazing, she’s not an expert in my industry, though she is on the periphery of it, but she’s a life coach and thrives on pushing women as far as she believes they can go. Reassuringly she’s told me that from what she’s seen of me she thinks I’m more than capable of taking on the right CEO role which is what I am aiming for.

TLDR: network, network, network. Join industry related committees if you can and get yourself out there. It’s nerve-wracking (and I’m one of those people who hates going to events!) but it really is about practice, the more you do it the easier it will be. Or, just fake it till you make it!

Stop waiting for things to happen - do it now. Far too many of my friends never made retirement or only lasted a few years in. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow.

At 50 I started working 12 plus HR days and saved saved saved.
Mortgage was paid.
Started exercising as peri meno was dreadful.
Weights running walking everywhere.
Second half of 50s gave up booze.
Ditched the 60 HR weeks.
Took a dull toxic job and recently switched to my ideal early shifts days in a fantastic place where my hobby is actually my job.
If they no longer need me I will move elsewhere.
I got another cat who is fantastic.
Not too far off 60 and planning on doing what I like after child rearing and working w ends and Christmas s for decades.
I've saved for tomorrow so now I can ease up and enjoy health allowing of course!