To ask for life advice from women 50+

[WhatNext24]

Inspired by a thread asking what advice 40+ women would give to younger women based on their experiences. There's some good stuff on there.

I am 43, single and no kids. Decent career, own home. At a bit of a crossroads because it's too late for kids now (I didn't meet the right person), I am lacklustre about my current job (so need a new one) and need a general shake up.

What would any MNers 50+ do in my shoes? Or what general life advice would you share?

This is such beautiful advice @Twistybranch

I’ve followed advice on here and taken 10 years off my cv. Seems to have worked with a new freelance role.

OP, I’d go travelling. Always saw it as a choice between holidays and kids - so if I didn’t have kids I’d definitely want to see more of the world. Even if just a sabbatical rather than leaving your job.

There are lots of good ideas here to pick and choose from. The one consistent theme that definitely stands out is health. I am lucky to have generally good health but have gained weight and become unfit after a bad time with Covid (not quite long Covid, but a notch down from there) and now wfh in a very sedentary role. This should definitely be a priority regardless of anything else.

Also, I am already in peri, admittedly a bit early. I am currently on an HRT trial and it's helping hugely with what were some tough symptoms (that I initially conflated with post-Covid fatigue). Just throwing that in because it's relevant to some posts and also the question of children. I don't think I would be able to have a child now even if I wanted to, and have spent some time already getting to peace with that.

Do you mean that you make yourself younger on your CV? I never thought to do that but could. It hasn't felt necessary yet.

Not exactly. You just take 10 years worth of stuff off at the beginning and don’t put a DOB. Also take off dates for qualifications - just bullet points or similar for skills.

I mean, it’s years of valuable life/work experience but there you go…

I have already done a further Master's degree plus lots of additional learning outside work. I don't want to travel (i know this makes me odd, but it's true) and I'd love a pet but can't get one as I might go back to full time commuting and would hate to leave them alone all the time.

Ideas I really like are the passion project (don't know what it is yet), prioritising health, balancing 'sensible' with 'live for now' and cultivating friendships.

Also some really great advice about enjoying myself, maintaining boundaries and self-respect. It can be easy to feel judged as a single childfree woman and I appreciate the enthusiasm!

Given what you’ve said about not coasting … how about taking a risk? I decided at 47 that I fancied a change of direction in my career - to something adjacent but definitely different and in an environment that was the absolute opposite of where I’d been for 15 years. I knew if I didn’t try it would feel like ‘too late’. Think about an idea that skirts round the edge of your brain but you dismiss as ‘too risky’ and give it a go. Honestly, what’s the worst that can happen? Better to regret the stuff you’ve done than the stuff you haven’t!

I went to university and started a whole new career at your age, got married and got my motorbike license and toured europe with biking friends I made and my H.
Do whatever thrills you.

@Isthisjustnormal @Gettingbysomehow I like the idea of taking more risk. I was quite a free spirit when young, hence the need to be sensible for a while (to earn a living!) but I may have gone too far in the other direction I think.

I think it’s hard not to- suddenly
you have responsibilities, mortgage, the ‘need’ to progress at work, you get into routines and habits … and somewhere you loose the freedom to just do stuff. I am slightly terrified sometimes by stuff I’m doing now at work- but I was definitely getting too safe and comfortable in my old role and that didn’t suit me.

[I’ve also become borderline obsessed outside work with my allotment - and take, admittedly less high stakes risks there: growing unusual/exotic stuff; trying things out; doing what I like rather than what you’re meant to do. It’s still lovely, grounding gardening, but for me trying stuff and being comfy with sometimes flying, sometimes failing has really helped reinvigorate me.

What qualification did you get and did it get you a job? Asking as I need to scramble into a new career, am fearful and could do with hearing something positive!

Life is short. The median age for women to die is 82 years old. You are probably half way through your life. Do not squander it. Do everything that matters to you. Make the effort and get out to see people. Do not put things off. You do not know what is around the corner.

Pay into a pension.

Are you happy where you live? At that stage, I sold up and moved to a rural doer-upper. Learned to shoot clays, met my ex and had ds at 45.

I think, ring the changes. Is there anything you have always wanted to do? Move to the coast and learn to sail?

Or move to a city and reinvent yourself.

You have your career, you're more secure financially. Now is the time to have some fun.

As you get older you need to eat much less.

At 43 you are young enough to get yourself in the best physical shape.

As you get older never allow yourself to put on weight. Your joints will thank you, your back will thank you and you won't suffer with health problems of the digestive system that many overweight women do.

You will have a happier mental state if you look and feel healthy.

Make sure you look after your teeth very well.

I really like Normal's idea of the allotment and risk. Or something else where it is easy and fun, but risky. Betting £100 which you can afford to lose on wierd high risk stocks and shares, or making wierd cakes / food, or being creative with pottery / sewing / card making, your nails with a home made nail polish machine. Anything where it doesn't matter. I like that idea. I'll give that some thought. Thanks.

My advice would be to think of yourself at 65 - how do you want to be living?

Ideally - healthy, enough money to do what you like after retirement, friends you can rely on and have a laugh with, an interesting past 20 years to think fondly about.

With this in mind, you can start building on it now - if you really really want to do something, what is it that's stopping you? Will you regret doing it (or not doing it) a few years down the line?

I’ll be 50 next year, one child at uni and fairly independent, divorced.

The way I see it is that mid life is a bit like adolescence. Lots of hormonal upheaval but also a chance to reassess who you are and where you want to be going forward.

Tbh my forties have largely been a shit show but touch wood have started to turn a corner now.

I have a job I really love in student welfare and am starting a degree with the OU in October which I hope will allow me to retrain as an Education Mental Health Practitioner. I’m also looking at moving from the south coast to North Yorkshire to mitigate the cost of living issues which as a singleton with mortgage and a kid at uni are biting my arse!

My other priority is sorting out my weight and fitness - as others have said, if you can get this on an even keel asap you’re doing yourself a massive favour. I am considerably overweight thanks to a combo of loving my food, stress eating, hating exercise for its own sake and a severely underactive thyroid. I’ve got away with until now but since working long hours in a fairly demanding job (I also have a second job so do 55 hours a week term time) I really know I’m a fatty! I’ve also realised that there are lots of things I’d like to do which aren’t possible/easy carrying several extra stone.

Basically I’m aiming to be in a position as soon as possible where I can work part-time and have enough disposable income to really live outside work, whilst I’m still young and healthy enough to have some adventures!

The way I see it is that mid life is a bit like adolescence. Lots of hormonal upheaval but also a chance to reassess who you are and where you want to be going forward

@MintyCedric this is a great way of looking at midlife!

No idea why 11% of people think it’s an unreasonable question 😂

There’s so much shit I wouldn’t put up with as my mid 40s self that I did in my 20s and 30s. Friends, men, employers.. Feel a bit sad about it actually (lost years). YANBU.

I'm so grateful for all the replies on this thread. They have genuinely made me feel quite inspired. I love the idea of designing the 'second half' of my life according to what I love most and to hell with the rest 😂

I've just booked some time off work in August and am going to spend it taking action on this. The first step will be a focus on health.

All good stuff here.

Look after your teeth too!

@Straightouttachelmsford haha, yes!

this is brilliant advice. I did this and went back to art classes as it was something i hadnt done for 40 years and it brought me a lot of joy!!

I married late (in my 40s) and am consequently a stepmother and I found this brilliant (kind of best of both worlds!). I loved my job (am early retired now) and must say that prioritising health, wellness and financial health is really important.

Find something that excites you and although this may not be your paid job - it will bring you so much pleasure and balance outside of work. Dont make your job the be-all and end-all - maybe get some career counselling and consider options that may use your skills but in a different way.

Mostly, dont be afraid - be bolder!! Dont say no to opportunities and at the same time dont let others suck all your energy. Surround yourself with positive people. Devote plenty of time to yourself, to thinking, and to planning your future. A great gift to your future self!