To ask for life advice from women 50+

[WhatNext24]

Inspired by a thread asking what advice 40+ women would give to younger women based on their experiences. There's some good stuff on there.

I am 43, single and no kids. Decent career, own home. At a bit of a crossroads because it's too late for kids now (I didn't meet the right person), I am lacklustre about my current job (so need a new one) and need a general shake up.

What would any MNers 50+ do in my shoes? Or what general life advice would you share?

This thread has really inspired me; I wish I had started it a year ago! I am taking notes and will be making plans. Am even revisiting the previously rejected cat plans ;)

Thank you all so much for the fab encouragement and ideas.

I'm early 60's not married, no kids, semi retired. My advice would be find the job you love, whatever that might be. I changed course mid 30's and never looked back.
Maintain and develop your close friends. Keep family close to you ( if you have any) , get your finances in order.
I'm now working part time and my hours are filled with hobbies, friends and interests ...
Oh and do look at travel....there are so many fabulous places out there and loads of trips for solo travellers.
Finally prioritise your health.
Enjoy part 2.

Oh definitely agree about perimenopause. I've been suffering dreadful symptoms since 2020 after my 3rd baby was born - I guess I started pretty young too at age 39. I have a medication induced neurological involuntary movement disorder that was caused by some prescribed off label antipsychotic after a head injury and post concussion syndrome so I'm pretty scared about HRT as I'm very sensitive to adverse effects of drugs that could exacerbate symptoms. So if you can try HRT, then I think others are right- it will be a good idea. I'm sure if I could take it knowing I'd be ok, I'd do it tomorrow. Perimenopause is horrid and in some ways, I guess I'm suffering unnecessarily lol 😆

I was in a similar position to you at 42. By 49 I was in a great relationship, pregnant (IVF!) and career was flying. Baby arrived during Covid, it has been “easy”’to justify a career pause. She’s just about to start school and my career has been ramping back up over the past couple of years, but at a good pace and allowing for me to enjoy motherhood.

my one bit of advice? If you want to be a mother, try to do it. It has not passed you by. Single parent by choice isn’t an easy path, but when my baby arrived I kicked myself for not doing it solo years earlier- it’s been a slog and a joy! If your uterus hasn’t been used, it’s probably in good condition lol!

good luck x and I’m reading through and taking some of the other wise advice onboard myself:)

I would look at working abroad for a year or two. Maybe in the field you’re trained in or by volunteering where your living expenses are covered.

If you own your own home, I’d consider renting it out whilst you’re away.

Having kids is vastly overrated for me. They are hard work and it’s often a very thankless job so don’t stress about the fact you probably won’t be having any.

I’d say get a dog rather than a cat. Dogs are just so loving.

Do all the things you want to do whilst young. I work with older people and believe me, it’s utterly shit once you get past 75 with the odd exception. At 80 plus it’s grim. Dont get to that age and have regrets as it’s too late by then.

Without knowing you, I wonder what would be relevant or helpful. The important thing is to know yourself and find your own recipe.

If your job is dull, there's a chance that it will become increasingly uninspiring and end up with being unendurable, at which point you might plod on for the money / pension or resign / take early retirement and experience a new kind of freedom that could either lead to new openings or become aimless and lonely.

Loneliness at times is an integral part of being solo, without children or resident partner. Solitude suits some people but not others. It depends on temperament. You might want to consider that aspect and whether you need a partner.

Keeping interested in things outside oneself is a good thing, whatever those interests might be. Some find inspiration in other people. My mother retained a lively interest in people. She was bright, sharp, funny and interested. I'm not a patch on her or half as lively as she was but I've always had things that interest me and could never be bored. It was tremendous fun with her, just talking and laughing. Find lively interesting people to share time with and be amused and inspired by.

What a lovely inspiring thread this is!

Off to find the other one you referred to and get some tips!

I’ve just thought of something else that I’ve found really useful, and actually want to do again. When we are about half way though a decade (so mid 30s/40s) Dh and I make a list of things we want to do before we are X0 years and (importantly!) things we are not ‘allowed’ to do until we are more than X0 years. The stuff you want to do is great Ofc and motivating (ours is often specific places we want to go to!) but the ‘not allowed to do until’ list (these are usually things we want to do but it’s the wrong time/we need to save etc) help you see your long term aspirations and what ‘sort’ of person you want to be, even if they are not realistic YET. We always try and make ours tangible - so for example in previous decades it might be stuff like plant trees that we’ll be able to see have grown when we retired; have a house where we can and do host friends for a weekend (not got there yet but when the kids leave…) ; buy original art for the sheer joy of it. They really help me understand what I want to be, deep down and therefore where my priorities (financial, physical, mental, work based, relationship based) need to be.

Also: such a great idea for a thread: really enjoying everyone’s ideas

So honest and true love this

Sounds like it's all downhill from 75+ then..! 😆😱 Seriously though, my DP are both fit and healthy, living very full lives with no major problems cognitively etc. I hope life isn't too grim as an 80 year old for my DF 😉😆

I might well find another partner sooner or later. But it feels like a 'nice to have' vs. something that I need to have as a stated aim. I'm just looking for ideas for building a life I love, without or without another man.

Your mum sounds fab. I love the idea of finding the people that light you up.

@ForeverDelayedEpiphany I think that poster was talking about the reality for many older people, but not all. Even people who look fit and healthy as they get older, often have chronic illnesses that make them feel tired and not wanting to do that much outside the house. But even those like my grandmother who was fit and healthy until her late eighties, still have to deal with multiple bereavements and visiting many friends in hospital. The median age for women to die in the UK at the moment is 82.

@Midlifebaby - love your story, how inspiring! Hope I will be at a similar position as you in a few years time. Thank you.

For anyone interested in an update... I have decided to leave my job and take a sabbatical from work next year. I will be doing a postgraduate degree in a subject I love and that further strengthens my professional profile. I also plan to get really fit and to enjoy plenty of time with family and friends.

In one sense it's a big risk because you never know if you can get back on the career ladder and I will still have a big mortgage. On the other hand, staying stuck where I am and not enjoying life feels like the bigger risk at this point. I now have a few weeks to make my course application and get my financial ducks in a row. It's going to take some courage but I am quietly very excited about what could come from this.

That is an amazing update! when does your course start?

I’m 55 and would say prioritise trying to stay healthy and putting energy into friendships.

Also peri menopause isn’t the most fun but it’s almost worth it when you come out the other side and realise you’ve got the actually I don’t care attitude about a lot of things that aren’t important.

In January - I have about two months to get myself ready.

Sounds good, OP. Have fun and enjoy it! It’s always good to make a change - and new things will come from doing that.

What a great update! Well done @WhatNext24 on being brave enough to take such a a huge step!

Brava OP 💪🏻🥳

There’s always one isn’t there.