Have you ever dropped a friend?

[asruralasitgets]

And did it make your life better or have no impact.

Just dropped one of my best friends. Long story but I’ve put up with years of shit. I’m feeling down about it but I’m hoping it’s for the best in the long run.

Edited: did they ever try to make good? Did you ever give them the reason why?

First time I dropped a friend intentionally was in my early teens, let's say I've always been clear on my boundaries 🤣

Twice

The aunt of a long standing friend pointed out that she wasn't a good friend to me for several reasons. I reflected & realised she was correct.
I decided to wait for her to contact me rather than the other way round. I'm still waiting. I do, from time to time, miss her. We have a huge shared past. She's an expert in reinventing herself at different stages of her life.

The other had history for being good friends with someone and it ending in NC. I got tired of her being late every time we arranged to meet (were talking 30 mins-1hr routinely) so would only meet if she picked me up at my house & I had nothing else planned that day.
Our friendship just faded away.

It's sad but friendship is supposed to be a two way thing and I'm not prepared to do all the running around after anyone.

Not pro-actively, but we sort of drifted apart and I have never tried to close the distance. Just went different paths in life, it is quite hard to stick with someone who likes partying until 3am and disappearing with random men from tinder for days, when you're married for decades and generally in bed by 9. I don't think she noticed TBH. And I don't miss her.

Absolutely. Someone I thought was a friend but the more I got to know her the more I realised she was just constantly draining and moaning yet at the same time did nothing to help herself out of the mess she was in.

She was jealous the more she found out about me and my life. I thought she was nice but it was my husband who pointed out she was nice when she wanted to be - to people who she could use to her advantage. Since my eyes being opened I realised she is actually quite a nasty person to "ordinary" people and she's immensely unhappy as cannot help comparing herself to others who are - for whatever reason - happier, more in control of their lives, more successful.

I dropped her. I'd like to explain why but I know she'd not believe it, would be angry and somehow turn it against me. I'd like her to ask me but she hasnt which kind of says it all.....

Life is MUCH better without. save your energy and time for yourself, and for others who deserve you.

Yes. Twice. One I don't regret at all (she was my closest friend at the time, but got into heroin and completely changed, she stole from me and other friends repeatedly). The other I regret very much and it happened as a result of my abusive relationship in my early 20s and being kept away from friends and family by my (now) ex. I miss her and the friendship we had.

I have. They were friends with someone they knew I didn’t get on with. At the time I was involved in some very public art work that kept being vandalised. The only person I ever revealed the location of these works to was my friend, who it turned out was telling the person they knew I didn’t get on with where the works were, who was then sabotaging my work out of spite.

It was always me making all the effort to meet up and the friend then moved to the coast and we didn’t see each other as often. I then found out they had been coming back to the town we lived in every weekend to see other friends but didn’t tell me.

I just let it fizzle out and stopped bothering. I sometimes wonder about them but I have no regrets.

I've been both ghoster and ghostee - same friend lol! We met at Primary school for my youngest, had dc the same ages, held joint birthday parties, went shopping together, had hour-long phone calls, took our dc on holiday together :- then my marriage got into trouble. exDH was a high earner, but absent and unsupportive. She didn't approve of my divorce (SHe'd never been married, 3 kids by 2 different blokes) and when I found DP, she didn't approve.
She then moved house, (same area) and we started to drift. I never saw the new house, and she changed address (obvs), landline number, email (as Tiscali didn't cover new area ) and got a new mobile. I did't realise until about 6 weeks later that I I hadn't heard from her (busy, work, kids etc - on both parts) so send a 'New Home' card via our (by now secondary-school-aged) kids.

I heard nothing until about 7 months later - a 3 line email about her eldest dd who'd left home at 15; a violent, disturbed child. A further 5 months later I got another email, demanding to know why i'd 'dropped off the planet' and at that point I wrote back. Asking how I was supposed to contact her, with new address, new email, new landline, new mobile...(telepathy, perhaps?) and I'd assumed she had dropped me.
Her daughter (by now about 18, and moved back in) replyed to my email Saying her DM had never liked me. That 'thank goodness for (my) DCfather's name' - with me for a mum, my kids have no hope, and that I was stuck in the 70's (no idea where this came from - possibly bad mouthing another friend who'd had a 70's themed party). That her DM was busy busy, looking after her kids (unlike me I assume,lol) and her parents, one of whom had passed away (not knowing that I have had the same!)

I wrote back, saying that I had written to ExFriend, not her daughter, that I assume all DD had said was parroting back from ExF herself (as the dd had never even met my exH!). And that I had no interest in continuing contact.

I saw ExF in Tesco a few years later; we said Hello, I moved on.

Yes, I finally realised our friendship had been one sided for years, didn’t feel great after I’d seen her and after some deliberation dropped her by lack of contact. It took a while for her to realise and perhaps I should have had a conversation with her but that would have created more stress for me and I’d had enough by then.

I ditched a very good friend many years ago who l discovered was going out as a foursome with her boyfriend, my then husband and his bit on the side, who until that moment l was completely unaware of!

More times than I care to admit, but my boundaries have always been poor and as a self confessed people pleaser, I've dropped people Rather than deal with conflict. I don't regret my decisions at all, as I have been thoroughly used and abused in all of those friendships, but I do wish I'd had the confidence to call out bad behaviour from the very start and given them a chance to rectify their actions, rather than letting things fester . maybe then, some of the friendships could have been salvaged.

One ex friend I'd known for over twenty years but over time, it became a very unbalanced friendship where I often felt ridiculed or belittled. I was always the butt of the joke. I always felt their other friends didn't like me, as I'd often receive a very luke warm reception upon meeting or they'd actively be dismissive/ cold when they had never Even met me before. As it transpired, one such friend accidentally let it slip, that they were very surprised how nice and fun I was given what ex friend had told them - that I was boring, insipid and couldn't hold a conversation! For whatever reason or to simply make themselves look better, ex friend had painted me in the most negative light to ensure no one would want to befriend me. I dread to think what else they had been saying behind my back. Stupidly, I did initially try to forgive and forget but it was just one transgression too far, and they came up with the same old b.s excuses to try and cover their tracks, so our friendship could never truly recover. I felt betrayed honestly. I do miss them on occasion - we had such a long history, but once the trust is gone...

Yep I dropped my best friend been about a year now ! No regrets !
im actually happier now than when i was friends she was quiet toxic !
not once has she been round and asked what happened cus she knows x

I did this a few years ago. I felt awful at the time but the 'tax' associated with spending time with her was too much. She was (and likely still is) a lovely person in general but she really brought me down every time I saw her and I felt so heavy and burdened after every meet up.

For years she was great and we spent lots of time together. She then met her now DH who is very religious and pious about it, despite being divorced (not that there's any issue with being divorced to be clear - the issue is that he cherry-picked the bits of the bible that he would weaponise) - he was a massive hypocrite and she started to be the same.

Whenever it got a bit much and I would gently call her out on her hypocrisy, it became a game of 'ah but...' and quickly became tiresome. I realised that I was getting no joy out of the friendship and just stepped back and stopped responding. I do feel shitty for doing it that way but had my own issues and no emotional capacity to deal with a protracted discussion/argument.

@asruralasitgets I was going to say YABU as a friend who has been dropped and it hurt a lot.
But reading your post about your friend (the anxiety over the taxi) reminded me of a friend I had who was exactly the same. Awful behaviour over silly things like hotel key cards and 50p, in hindsight that ex-friend probably thinks I dropped her. So YANBU

No it shouldn't though because it's public forum.

If she couldn't finish reading that's her problem why is she not rude? Just had to scroll past and keep her mouth shut, nobody else bothered to be rude. I've seen much more long winded posts and nobody say anything.

Also.... Pot. Kettle. Have a good look at yourself before criticising other people's behaviour :)

It was a reply to the thread.

No malice. Just long and with a few reasons which helped with the decision and why it wasn't ghosting it was explained.

Little bit emotional, 3 situations and scenarios but someone couldn't be bothered to read it properly and had to make a remark. I asked MN to removed it because I felt like an absolute bit just honestly replying to a thread for some whopper who didn't have the energy to read it make a remark.

Yes I'd had half a wine, felt a bit emotional at the end of the post stating how much it actually hurt to do and was like break up but worse

I dropped quite a new friend because she was constantly calling me. For example, she’d call me while I was driving home from work and I’d explain that I was driving and would call her when I got home. She’d agree. Then if I didn’t call within five minutes of getting home I’d get half a dozen missed calls from her, and it would never be about anything urgent. I was a single mum with a full time job and a longish commute, and just couldn’t be doing with it, so stopped returning her calls or meeting up. I felt bad because it was basically ghosting and if it happened now I’d explain etc. but at the time I just didn’t have the bandwidth for any more hassle in my life.

Sadly, yes. I had a friend who was much younger than me. Over 10 years I gave her a lot of emotional and practical support. I genuinely loved her. Then I was the one needing support and she failed to step up.

I even told her why I’d be distant and she gaslit me. Haven’t seen her for over a year now. I miss her but she wasn’t a real friend.

Yes, my childhood best friend of 25 years. We'd done loads of very special things together over the years. She had some tragedy in her life but despite all possible support from me over a good few years she became bitter and jealous, and wanted me to be that way too. I wrote to her wishing her well above all and expressing my heartbreak at how she was and asking her to consider seeking professional help... She pretty much cut me dead at that point.

Another mum friend... we'd done loads of lovely family stuff together. something fairly minor happened between our DC, her DH went absolutely postal at my DH and I couldn't go back after that.

Yes, my closest friend throughout my teens. It transpired that she’d been telling lies, huge whoppers, about me to mutual friends, some of whom believed her. So I lost a group of friends because of her.
As time passed I realised she was very jealous of me. I was very upset for a while, we’d had been very close and even travelled together. Haven’t seen her for 15 years.
A person who would know us both filled me in recently on her life. I’m not a believer in karma but let’s just say I’d rather my life than hers.

Yes I've phased people out of my life a few times over the years, and just recently phased out a friend I'd been friends with for over a decade. If I no longer feel like I'm getting anything from the friendship or it starts to feel hard work then I'll phase them out. I know when I start to dread spending time with them that it's time to do it and life is too short to waste my time with anyone who isn't fulfilling something in my life.

I'm letting someone drift on 'muted' if that counts. She's been quite unsupportive during and after cancer treatment. Fine if just not very present, or text catch ups very occasionally. I don't expect a certain level of attention or for friends to get it right every time, but her flaking and poor taste comments have tipped the balance. I don't want to make a big fuss but I don't want to feel rage every time she says something stupid and thoughtless or cancels her own arrangement yet again so I'm quietly phasing her out and prioritising myself.

Yes, best friend too. Felt like a break up at the time a bit! Was fairly traumatic. But now 2 years on much better and I can see the wood for the trees very obviously now.

Very glad I'm now investing my time and care in other friends who have risen to fill the gap and are much kinder and nicer.

Hang in there! It will get much easer with time.

@whalesonthebus I really don't see any reason you should feel bad about this? I think friends should boost you and leave you feeling supported, energised (because it's so lovely to spend time with them) and cared for. Sounds like she was the opposite ♥️

Yes, because I realised she was an unpleasant, sanctimonious person who resented anyone she perceived to be doing remotely better than her in some area of life and vocalised increasingly odd views. I'm usually someone who tries to persevere and hold on to friendships but in this case I breathed a sigh of relief.

If I posted that I was having an issue with a company in the south west (where I live) she'd always tell me how wonderful their service was for her in the south east. It was always "I have no problems with them and don't understand why you do"

I also remember posting that I'd found out that I have a rare condition. To which she said she'd never heard of it and then asked how my parents didn't notice it. To which I said if you've heard of it, you'd know there's no obvious symptoms. And the symptoms are conditions in their own right or symptoms of other much more common conditions. Virtually everyone I've met with this, has said they have things like Autism, learning disabilities / delays and sensory impairments. It's not like Downs Syndrome where you can see their facial features look different.