Have you ever dropped a friend?

[asruralasitgets]

And did it make your life better or have no impact.

Just dropped one of my best friends. Long story but I’ve put up with years of shit. I’m feeling down about it but I’m hoping it’s for the best in the long run.

Edited: did they ever try to make good? Did you ever give them the reason why?

You don't have to ghost people. I had a friend and I explained why I didn't want to be friends any more. (She was constantly 'negging' me and mean, we were only friends for about six months.) She wasn't happy but it was kinder than ghosting.

People come and go, that's just life. It doesn't have to be a big dramatic affair, just leave the friendship to drift into nothing. These big statements are unnecessary.

I have , and with hindsight wish I had done it without ghosting.

I haven't dropped anyone as such, but have let friendships fade out when lack of effort meant they were drifting anyway. I've been the dropped friend a couple of times. In one of those cases I wish the friend had talked to me, but it all became too late eventually.

Yes years ago . Every visit to her made me miserable , she was just so negative about every single thing and the criticism of others was awful . I woke up to her being toxic and cut ties .

In my early twenties when we bought a house our group of friends showed their true colours and what they really thought about us as a couple and where they thought our life was going to be . We just let go and walked in to the future . People do come and go and I think as you get older your friendship circle gets smaller and smaller . It's when good fortune and bad fortune comes your way you find out who your real friends are .

Yes. It's a sad fact of adult life that you have to cultivate new friendships and cull old ones as people move away from one another in terms of values and activities.

Yes . 3 times

First after a falling out.

The second was gradual. They kept telling me what to do. Replies they'd post on my Facebook would upset other. I stopped being able to see them in person, then I restricted my Facebook, eventually I deleted and blocked.

The third turned out to be a complete fair weather friend . It was a time I really needed someone there for me . I did give them the a last chance, twice, then I decided I was better off without them.

Yep. No regrets.
I dropped a raging racist/homophobe/peadophile excuser (because she liked them, and too much time had passed, not right historical cases are allowed, why didn't victim/s complain at the time if its true.)
Their behaviour crept up. Ghosted.

Second was because it dawned on me during Covid that her lying was fucking outrageous (definitely didn't have cancer but shaved her head) Had words and blocked.

Third was not too long ago, after a bereavement. A 'friend ' called asking what had happened, knowing full well how devastating the death would be to me. They just wanted gossip 😡
I sent an angry message when that dawned on me. Then blocked.

Yes - but I did it badly (by sort of ghosting, as I’m a complete coward). She was constantly negative and spent all of our meet-ups ranting about her family and colleagues. Most of her other friends had fallen out with her and she couldn’t see that she was the common denominator. She didn’t actually do anything awful, but just sucked the life out of me every time we spoke, and wanted long phone calls where she gave an angry monologue about her job and I couldn’t get a word in edgeways. It was only when my youngest DC was going through hospital tests for a potentially serious condition and she couldn’t even feign concern, that I realised she was just using me to ventilate her unhappiness.

Now I’ve typed this out it makes me look awful, and I still feel bad about it.

Yes, in the process of it now. Long term friend. She made no effort for my big birthday last year. I didn't even get a card. No apologies. I couldn't say anything as a short time later she became ill. But it's been nearly a year now and I'm amazed she hasn't asked me what's wrong

I've dropped a few over the years. Looking back, they weren't friends in the first place really.

One in particular used to always refer to me as 'ugly' and tell me I couldn't 'get away with' whatever I was wearing that day. She's just a nasty person, is jealous of anyone who has things that she wants, and from what I've heard in passing, has very few friends these days as she's done the same thing to so many. She also constantly whined about anything and everything so that was another reason to ditch her, too!

Yes. Twice. The first time she was given another chance after a decade of no contact but hadn't changed. I felt I had to tough it out for the sake of mutual friends, but was never able to relax around her.

It felt like a weight had lifted when she was ejected from my life for good.

The friend I dropped Would talk constantly about her relationship problems, without doing anything to change the situation.

Yes, two notable ones - and then of course several acquaintance level ones before they made it to full friendship.

First was at uni. I regret this one - we were really close in first year (met in halls), moved into a flat together (along with two others) in second year. Third year we all decided we couldn’t live with her anymore, so all went our separate ways (she definitely meant well but was quite bossy/controlling and did a couple of things that really crossed the line).

Now with way more life experience I can completely see that it was all dealt with badly. I think it was a clash of deep seated issues that we had that needed working on - I really regret not talking to her properly about it. This completely changed the course of my life - I ended up marrying one of my next flat mates (she told me he was wrong for me and she was right). Now 20 years into second marriage - that wouldn’t have happened either if I had stayed sharing a flat with her.

Last one is recent. 15 year friendship - had lots in common but now very little. I could write pages and pages about this one. I’ll summarise to say that she displays many characteristics of covert narcissism that got worse with time. Now we’re both in our fifties I just can’t tolerate it any longer. No big falling out (live in same town/mutual acquaintances) but over the course of a couple of years I started sticking to a few boundaries (made her even worse) and then never suggesting meeting up/initiating contact.

I definitely think things are better now (after latest) but it is still on my mind too much - I should’ve got out years ago! At least I really know the signs now though. My two closest lifelong friends have never displayed any! I worry that my boundaries are too high now.

I think we must have had the same friend! It is exhausting isn't it, especially when you think they have came to actually see you and take in interest in your life!

Yes - very long term friend but was always selfish and demanding, and horrible to people if she thought they were drawing more attention than her. Lots of privilege, but her life was worse than everyone else's, regardless of what anyone else had going on. Also cannot handle drinking and becomes aggressive, but it was always someone else's fault.

She got to a point where she confronted a number of the group and told us how horrible we were, and we were just straightforward back. No contact since, and the whole mood of the group has lifted! No underlying tensions and no more walking on eggshells on nights out.

Only awkward aspect is that one member of the group keeps in touch and harbours hopes that we'll all reunite, but I don't see that happening.

I've been on the receiving end of a suspected friend drop - though I don't believe there's any malicious intent. For context, we were best friends from work some time ago, we no longer live locally, she was first to have kids.

We used plan meet ups well in advance, chat regularly on the phone which got less and less frequent. Then I noticed she'd take weeks/months to reply to messages and after a while even the texts stopped. I noticed there are frequent Facebook updates of social things they're doing but seems they're focusing more on local friendships now and I guess with families with similar aged children.

It makes me really sad that someone I was once so close to has drifted away but I guess things like this evolve over time and I wish her all the best. I'm hopeful but not expectant that one day she'll be in touch again.

Yes, but not really dropped, just withered away! Known her 60 years, and we had a falling out about something unbelievably minor I said to her (for info... it was just five words!) It was honestly nothing, and my god did I try to make it better. However, she then unleashed hell on me!
Literally pent up nastiness pouring out, a complete annihilation of my character, everything about me, just really horrible. Twice she did this over hours. And I took it, because I was trying to understand what the problem was. And make things better. What a fool I was.

I think she has always been very very envious of me, and she burst like a dam! I could not believe some of the stuff she was saying to me after a friendship spanning decades. Stuff from the 80s and 90s were twisted into complete lies. I think she's always hated me or something! (This has happened with two other friends of hers, so not just me, but I was the longest standing friend)

It is a complete relief, being friends with her was treading on eggshells all the time, she was always close to taking offence for no reason. And I was forever working hard at not saying the wrong thing.

I didn't ghost her. We just both don't contact each other! It is irrepairable. I do see her occasionally because of mutual friends but wished I didn't see her at all.
Its a shame isn't it... the only person I've known all my life.

@MUCHtodoAboutSomething , I think we did ! I was a struggling, single parent at the time , and it was too much .

That's awful, I have no time now for selfish people now. They weren't technically friends to begin with, real friends wouldn't act that way.

I dropped a friend about ten years ago as got fed up with her racist comments. Its very hurtful when she referred to my friends using racist terms

We were both visiting a town about 30 miles away and I snapped at her and took the buses alone.

About ten days later I was at a retirement meal and she was there (she worked at my place a few years prior) Never once spoke to the retiree. She said a load of lies about me which was bloody embarrassing. She was never allowed to go to any more work dos anymore.

Yes i did once. She was not a good friend at all and i suppose I had spent so long making allowances and excuses it just came to a head for me during my own difficult time and it was the best thing I ever did next to having my children 😂

Then perhaps that is where it should have stayed - with you -

We are very good here at being supportive, but missives like yours stretch the patience of the mildest of readers.
This post here ^ also combative, rude, unnecessary.

What did it say? Completely missed this.