Ballerina farm - just fell down a rabbit hole

[Mamabear04]

Just fell down a rabbit hole looking at this Instagram account. Of course it can't be true or surely even close to it? I feel so sorry for her, she seems too tired to even smile most of the time. She prides herself on being a servant to her family but it doesn't look like she enjoys it. Also 8 kids by 34? Anyone from or have a ginormous family - what's your experience of living with so many kids/siblings? Does it look like this? Surely the woman has cleaners and although she "helps out" on the farm, they will have a huge amount of staff no? I don't know why I'm obsessed with this this morning...maybe I'm bored of the Kardashians now!

Even if he is controlling and she’s unhappy. You couldn’t make someone leave they can only ever leave when they feel ready.

I think a lot of people live life’s some of us would deem controlling. But a lot of people like those lives. It’s their comfort and familiarity and they actually enjoy it.

Just because we don’t say want to dress to impress our husbands doesn’t mean many women don’t enjoy doing that, or love the fact they have husbands with an eye for fashion that will bring you home lovely outfits.

Have not looked at this Instagram but it's perfectly possible to have 8+ kids by 34,I was pregnant with my 7th at 34 and could have easily squeezed in 3 more if my husband had been willing

Why is dressing to be attractive to your partner creepy?
I like if my partner finds me attractive and givea me compliments. Obviously it will happen more if I wear something fitting than walking around like I survived tornado.
Same goes for DH, he will wear things I compliment on more often.

Unless you are told what to wear (which I don't practice even with toddlers), there is nothing wrong with selecting clothes to serve certain purpuse.

The family are wealthy and she is a current beauty queen and ex ballerina. The family run successful business and that’s why she has time to make beautiful social media.

My mum had 5 and it was exhausting. My dad was a classic boomer, did nothing, neither housework or childcare.

I'm surprised this old trope has returned. We've been there ladies!! That's what we fought against. 🙄

Very clever marketing of small adorable blond children and animals. You can always make kids and animals cute.

Yes, a form of abuse.

A friend was in that situation with the men around her trying to rule her life by any means possible. She ended it at 36.

Ok

The Times has now released a podcast from Megan Agnew with some audio files of Hannah (and Daniel) that were not quoted in the article. Interestingly Hannah reveals she continued to dance professionally in Brazil for 2 years after their first and second children. It was a hard choice to give that up and she even says that Daniel told her " if you want to dance, you go dance" and that they were open to anything at that point. But that ultimately she wanted to raise her babies.

Hannah also emphasises that they built their farm life together as partners. She doesn't see herself as a "trad wife", but as a working mother, albeit that work is online. And that they are only "trad" in as much as they are a married man and woman with children. Besides that they are paving their own way.

Megan Agnew also refers to their calm personalities and admits that Daniel is very involved in looking after the children.

At the end of the podcast Megan talks about feminism and it seems that her idea of feminism is having the choice to reject the traditional type of lifestyle, with women as homemakers. It is less clear that she accepts that it is a feminist right to choose and embrace that lifestyle. So women are still being told what they must and must not do.

She's said she's not part of the trad wife thing.

5 years from now - there divorced and she’s written a book about what a fake, pressured life she lead

I don’t think that this woman is abused although it isn’t a lifestyle I would choose myself, however I’m also obsessed with the whole trad wife thing…I find it so weird!! These women aren’t traditional wives, they are business women making money from their social media content. I don’t think there is anything wrong in a woman (or man for that matter) making the decision to stay at home and look after the children while they are little, but I find it so sad and backwards that these trad wife influencers seem to be pushing the agenda that women should ‘obey’ their husband, and that he should make all the decisions and have all financial control…where is all of this coming from?! I watched a Stacey Dooley documentary where a couple reniewed their wedding vows so the wife could vow to obey her husband, it just seemed so backwards and seems to be going against everything women have fought for. I also find it strange people want to watch women doing the cleaning and laundry… we all do this everyday anyway! And I don’t think childcare and housework is a ‘soft’ lifestyle..it’s actually very hard work. Seems sad that women are encouraging other women to be lumped with all the drudgery while the husband comes home from work and just chills out all evening.

@Bobbieiris They don't seem to do any normal cleaning or housework, you don't see them doing glamourous activities like cleaning the bathroom. Another trad wife style influencer (Nara Smith) posts videos of making bubblegum and cornflakes and other random items you would never make from scratch, it's performative rather than practical. Where would you get time to do the required domestic chores like hoovering? I don't think they do anything like that, it's a fantasy lifestyle portrayed for clicks, they are wealthy.

This is about why so many of the US mom influencers are Mormon,
www.christiancentury.org/article/features/why-are-so-many-most-influential-moms-internet-mormon

You may also be interested in this, when the trad wife movement goes further to the right (Ballerina Farm and Nara Smith aren't in this category), it becomes part of the far right movement, theconversation.com/far-right-tradwives-see-feminism-as-evil-their-lifestyles-push-back-against-the-lie-of-equality-219000

@catrose1 there’s a blonde influencer (can’t remember her name) who posts videos of herself loading the washing machine and cooking in a nice dress and frilly apron. I’ve seen some of Nara Smiths videos and thought she must have a lot of time on her hands! She seems to be making a good amount of money from it. You’re right that you never see them scrubbing the loo or mopping the floor in stained old joggers lol. It’s such an odd concept but I guess people will watch anything won’t they so a way of making money. It would be sad if young girls see these videos and aspire to live like that, it looks so unrealistic and the article about the far right movement is quite sad isn’t it, these women seem brainwashed

@Bobbieiris There's an influencer called Estee Williams, she wears pretty 50s style dresses and has a very conservative rhetoric, a lot of "obey your husband" stuff, pretty scary. She's 25 and doesn't have kids, I think she'll get a shock if she does. Anyone who has kids knows that your house doesn't look like a showhome. If you google for a photo, she looks like she is more aimed at men than women. DH made the point that she must get so many dodgy comments from male fans, and that you'd just stop after that. It doesn't seem very traditional to me. It's all a grift, like a lot of this rhetoric, I'm not even sure that they actually believe it. It's for cash but it is damaging for other women. Being a SAHM isn't damaging for other women, talking about rolling back all women's rights is. I'd put Ballerina Farm and Nara Smith on the very fringes of all this. They don't have the same rhetoric, their content can be a gateway into that world.

@catrose1 yes that’s the one I meant! She does seem very much aimed at men but I think some of her content would appeal to younger women too. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a stay at home mum but you are right I’m saying that some of these women are advocates some very worrying ideas…it’s so sad to see women’s rights trampled on like that

@Bobbieiris I can see why younger women might think it's appealing, the clothes are cute etc. It's very risky, what happens 10/20/30 years down the line if it doesn't work out? Plus I can't get over the idea of pushing other women to be traditional wives...whilst taking the very untraditional step of being an influencer and making a fortune from getting other women to be something you aren't. She has her own money from grifting on tik tok, she isn't actually dependent on his income.

I've fallen down a trad wife/influencer rabbit hole, halfway through this one and she has one on Ballerina Farm
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/momfluenced-inside-the-maddening-picture-perfect/id1554442463?i=1000653300538

About trad wives/feminism
www.tiktok.com/@caroclaireburkeee/playlist/Tradwives-7348986579001969438

@catrose1 i know, for all we know she might pay a cleaner to do most of the work and faff around all day making the content! It’s crazy to think how irresponsible these influencers are in pushing women to give up on their careers and financial independence…or an equal and fair partnership if the woman does make the decision to be a SAHM. But for some reason I am kind of fascinated by it all! These look interesting, I’ll take a look

What is there to discuss about Sonya Massey's murder? There are surely no divided opinions on it?

Also, speaking for myself, I live in a small European country. Police brutality in the US is horrific and very sad, but what can I do about it?

Whereas SAHMs vs tradwives, religion, potential domestic abuse, and social media are things we can actually debate because there is no clear correct answer and because the themes of feminism affect our daily lives.

@Bobbieiris There's no way they can do it all, they must have help. I do find the pushing of giving up all independence scary. I am also fascinated by it all!

This was interesting: Have you heard about podcast, Ballerina Farm & the Trad Wife of it all
https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/have-you-heard-about/id1554442463?i=1000664109318

That puts a whole different spin on things to the article.
The journalist is single and childless as well, so doesn’t have any frame of reference for life as a parent.