Ballerina farm - just fell down a rabbit hole

[Mamabear04]

Just fell down a rabbit hole looking at this Instagram account. Of course it can't be true or surely even close to it? I feel so sorry for her, she seems too tired to even smile most of the time. She prides herself on being a servant to her family but it doesn't look like she enjoys it. Also 8 kids by 34? Anyone from or have a ginormous family - what's your experience of living with so many kids/siblings? Does it look like this? Surely the woman has cleaners and although she "helps out" on the farm, they will have a huge amount of staff no? I don't know why I'm obsessed with this this morning...maybe I'm bored of the Kardashians now!

No need to apologise. I didn’t say in my posts that she didn’t have a career - it’s clear that she has a career. I said she gave up her career aspirations - which is true, because she gave up her aspiration to be a ballet dancer for her current career.

And i honestly cannot see the problem with knowing my husband prefers me in a dress and then wearing dresses. If you're husband complimented you in a certain outfit, are you wrong for wearing it again, even if it is specifically to please him?

I really do see a problem with that, but it's each to their own. I've genuinely never picked an outfit based on whether my DH would like it (or not).

To add, if he complimented me on an outfit, I would be happy that he liked it, but it wouldn't influence whether I wore it again (or not).

I don't have any problem (nor should I) with either mother or father staying at home with children, as long as it is a mutual decision by both parties, is respectful and open to changing circumstances/wishes.

Only women can breastfeed, fact. My issue however is with the idea of women being encouraged into a SAHM role because they are automatically assumed to be more "nurturing", when this was part of the reasoning that deprived women of power and agency for millennia and which we are still dealing with.Men go out and do, women "nurture" and are reliant on men. It is writ large in the trad wife movement, before we even get to fundies. No ta.

I agree with this 100%.

Also, just to add to your comment about the perception of women being more nurturing than men, I think things are starting to (slowly) change in a positive direction on this. We are realising that men are also good at those nurturing roles and they are as capable as women of being just as kind, caring and loving. Many of the men in the public eye who I admire have shown those qualities - e.g. kindness, tenderness, compassion.

Well I personally work from home, but I get what you mean. I think this is why I was asking though - it would be strange to frame those things as wearing what my boss "likes" me to wear. It's more that I wear what is professionally mandated or expected by my industry. Why is she wearing what her husband wants, and not what suits her own style and activities?

Yes, exactly.

The "choice" to stay at home is generally so much more complex than we like to think.

His famili are multimillionaires.
I seriusly doubt that he does not own at least few mil himself in assets.
And even without that she got enough followers to sustain well above average life.
Surelly she will not miss having a fucking cow and dozen chickens,and if she does there will be farmers pouring over animals for exposure.

She reminds me of a Wife from the Handmaid’s Tale.

Yes on the childbirth front I have come across that. Did you want no age gap at all though? As in, just after you'd given birth, did you want to go ahead and get pregnant straight away?

So agree with this. I am suspicious of The Times and in particular the focus on people who don’t align with feminist values.

Ive clearly got far too much time on my (stay at home mum) hands…. I’ve spent far too much time googling and watching various things about this this afternoon. I’m not sure some of the “abusive” relationship things here are correct, the Times article has a definite angle to it and the overall tone of the social media and you tube is one of a family who’s lives are unconventional in many senses but they have made a definite choice to live that way, including her. She isn’t the traditional stay at home trad wife people think she is - she’s an influencer with 9 million people following her, she’s a marketing manager for their own brand, she’s got her own hobbies and stuff going on (pageants, ballet, might not be everyone’s cup of tea but she’s still doing her own stuff). Sure she opted out of ballet but so what? Sometimes we all give up things and dreams change direction. This is a choice that she made. Are we only supporting feminism when the choices suit the agenda?

As someone who did ballet to a similar level and also auditioned for a top ballet school (although I got down to the last 2 in my group and didn’t get picked) it’s a really ruthless, love less profession. Akin to top level gymnastics really. So maybe graduating from the dance school was enough for her? And she did graduate, after meeting her dh and having her first child I think. So perhaps not the surrendered wife people think she is.

Their farm life is futuristic, lots of up to date technology (see the dairy video on their instagram, I didn’t even realise milking machines existed like that- off topic I know). They run a very nice life through social media, lots of holidays, her driving all over the place doing things - I don’t know where all the stuff comes from about her not being allowed to drive?!

People are just seeing what they want to see and people love to be negative.

My only thoughts are for the children really, they seem quite isolated and being home schooled I wonder how much they’ll be able to widen their knowledge and experiences especially as they get older. But perhaps my own experiences are clouding my judgement.

Everyone is different. It’s okay to want different things.

This answers a lot of questions about them, yes it’s made by them so obviously biased but interesting nonetheless-

I gave myself 6mo to get together and went into trying for the next one as baby was already being weened.
It took me around 3mo to get pregnant each time. Once it was linger bcs birth was dramatic.

That being said I took my age, childcare cost and my own oppinion about 1y olds going to nursery into equasion

I've read the times piece and it does seem biased like the journalist told them she was just going to look around the farm and see their day to day life then she wrote up that piece with an obvious slant to it. Typical snakey journalist behaviour tbh. Anyone remember the series benefits street the people living on that street didn't even know it was supposed to be about benefits, hours of film and they cut all the bits of people working and being normal and only showed the bits where people were embarrassing themselves.

Is there a video of the interview? Would be interested if someone had a link. Based off the times article you cannot say whether or not he treats her well. No one really knows the truth except the couple

Mary Harrington has some really interesting discussions on these types of issues.

The milking machinery is not futuristic, it is common in farms with access to capital to buy decent machinery.
A woman who hardly gets a chance to answer any question without her husband answering for her is being dominated.
A woman getting pregnant within days of giving birth is either extremely foolish or being abused.

And women are not naturally better at being caring. I came to this thread because of the question about whether we know anyone living this kind of life. I know a well off family who have 5 children and growing, who home educate and try to live a more back to nature lifestyle.
But unlike this woman they are not religious and are instead part of a trend of wealthy left wing couples in high tec jobs who choose to raise their children away from that tec and traditional school. With the family I know, it is the husband who stays at home, and the wife is the one earning a lot. He is an excellent father.

Dressing to please your husband is as fucked up in 2024 as it was in 1954 and 1904, it's weird, controlling and creepy- but then I think bodily automony is essential for children as well as adults, from when they were very small I allowed my children ( within reason) dress how they liked, have thier hair how they wanted. I supported DD aged 14 having various weird and wonderful piercing which wouldn't be my cup of tea. Making an informed choice to stay a home or not pursue a career is one thing. Wearing dresses " because he likes it" is quite another....

Really? This feels like the most insane reason to pick apart a wife.
No one dresses for their spouse a 100% of the time, but why is weird that it influences you some of the time?

It happens at other times too, surely.
I remember when my dh and I was still dating, I gave him a very nice t shirt as a birthday gift. It had a bit of a soft feel to it and it was nice to touch.
Man he wore that thing to death🥰
He'd wear it when he came to visit and I would love touching it.

When we were young girls, my great grandmother (who was a very good seamstress) made me and my sisters some smocked dresses. We didn't particularly like them and never wore them. but each time we went to visit her, we'd make sure to wear it at least once. As a token to her.
I have itty bitty bikinis that I love, but when my teenage brother has a bunch of friends over I don't wear them. I don't want him embarrassed.
I have a 3 year old daughter who loves pink. I bought myself a pink dress ( not what I would usually wear🥴) but matches with her sometime because she loves it!
I also sometimes when my husband come home from a week working abroad, pop on a dress that I know he loves.
Or whenever I feel particularly lovey dovey.
I really really cannot see the issue.
I'm also sometimes in my pajamas with breast milk stains by the time he leaves for work. That's just life.
Surely if we dress up for those we love and change how we dress based on occasions, that's not questionable or 'fuxxxed up'?

Why is this applicable though. BF has an 18 month age gap between her kids?
It's not 'straight after birth?'

How powerful would it be if we all sent a private message to her asking if she needs support.

Very powerful indeed🙄
If her husband is as abusive and controlling as pp on this thread has alluded (even going so far as to 'make her' delete a video) then he'd obviously be monitoring her phone? Otherwise she could have sent a message asking for support to anyone a long time ago, yeah?
And is he's not and she really likes her life, that would just be rude. Imposing your idea of her her life is and how she should feel, on her. And not just one person, 'all of us?' All of us basically telling her, 'hey darlin, we know you couldn't possible have chosen this life for yourself, so we're offering you help. No one could be as dumb to make the choices you made."
Gosh how lovely we women support each other and our choices!

I think it would be worse than useless - it would possibly anger her husband (if she does need support and this isn’t a media concoction) while not helping her at all. Unless you meant practical support, in which case I think most people are not in a position to make that offer.

She does have internet access - she knows how people see her lifestyle. I’m pretty sure that all bombarding her with PMs from strangers would do is cause her to cling to her religious beliefs and her husband even harder.

Do you really think a woman with 9 million followers on instagram needs even more random people messaging her? If you look on her Instagram you can see many of her followers have already replied on her posts with similar concerns. She is more than capable of leaving the marriage if she wishes too. She’s not as controlled as people think she is. It’s naive to think otherwise.

If her relationship is actually controlling and abusive, doing this could potentially put her in a very dangerous position - it's the last thing anyone should be doing.