I would swap with her in an instant

[Cookiecrumblane]

I am a sort of clever woman, financially secure, good at what I do. I have lots of friends and family around me, despite being single.
Today I met a woman through a friend, ten years younger than me. She was upset at losing her job last month, she had tried but made a serious of errors and was eventually sacked.
Even as she cried, she looked beautiful. She told me about her various problems, not being able to pay rent, her debt, her self esteem.
And I thought how much I would love to be that pretty. She was distraught, but even with all that was going on, she was served first and efficiently in the bar. Men held doors and beamed at her. They crossed the street to walk closer to her.
I have never had that. And so what good is education, my job, my success. Because ultimately she'll end up ok. She is more likely to get a job and when she does people will praise what she does much more than they praise people who look like me.
Is that mad? That I would swap with her in an instant, even to be jobless and at risk of losing my flat, just to feel visible?
I'm sure men don't feel this way.

You can improve looks. Spend some of your hard earned money on yourself. Hire a stylist, hire a make up artist to teach you techniques, book in with a professional salon to get your hair done and product matched.
Start getting your nails done, use face masks, start an exercise plan.
You can't change everything, but effort and money are a large part of physical appearance.

You could well be right. It's just my experience. I didnt mean that all women who are attractive are like it, perhaps I was venting a long suppressed setbof difficult memories

How am I insulting you all when I'm pointing out what goes through an average man's brain when they see a pretty girl. Or are you also male? In which case we've got very different real life experiences of over hearing arseholes at the pub who try to get off with the bar maid whilst there misses are at home.

I could explain again (because I said it the first time), but you wouldn't understand and frankly I'm scared of unleashing another avalanche of whatever the fuck that wall of text you bestowed upon us before this post is.

It may be an incredible revelation to you, but I absolutely assure you that anyone born female who reaches the age of 16 is very well acquainted with self-important men who judge you if you're not beautiful, and then if you are beautiful, but also judge you if you make too much effort to become beautiful, and find you to be the shallow baddie either way. And who then spend the next 20+ years lecturing you about it, and accusing you of being unreasonable and irrational ("shouted at" or whatever it was) before they've even started patronising and insulting you in the name of imparting their wisdom.

I suppose at least you're not comparing us to cars and then telling us off for not liking it like the last guy I saw on one of these threads. He thought he was a visionary too.

“Men held doors and beamed at her. They crossed the street to walk closer to her” That… sounds awful, no? 🤯😂

@XChrome That's the implication.

I didn't understand the first time so I am asking again because I genuinely don't get how I insulted all women in my first sentence.is it that you think I'm mansplaining or just that I shouldn't be allowed to explain where I was in a bad relationship with a beautiful woman and it wasn't a good fit. Which is what that wall of text was.
Please explain it because I genuinely want to know what I said wrong in my first sentence. Speak to me as if I'm five. I know I had a rant half way through about the worst relationship I had which I shouldn't have done because as someone else pointed out I painted all beautiful women with the same brush and that's my bad. I can't improve as a person unless I understand what I've said or done wrong.

That was me a good few years ago, OP. It happened from when I was 15/16yrs old and I’ve lost count of the times I wanted the ground to swallow me up when I was followed while being loudly catcalled, followed out into carparks, had men refuse to let me past them, grope me, not let me ride a bus or train in peace.
It did nothing for my self esteem - in fact it made me horribly self-conscious for most of my adult life.
I love the freedom of being older 😊

I know you don't understand why your posts are not an eye-opening revelation to women receiving endless applause as you show us the light. I could explain it a third time and you still wouldn't understand.

I'd say it's not my problem, but sadly it actually is...women have to live with this endless nonsense. But I don't have to humour it.

It isn't, and wouldn't be even if those people had said they aren't pretty. They merely said they are older, and in one case, bigger. All people who aren't pretty aren't ugly, anyway. You can certainly be average or plain.

Ah now I get it, you think I'm trying to mansplain. I really wasn't but I guess just giving my viewpoint and being a man has made me hit that category. I apologise profusely and will stop asking you any more questions.

I hope you feel better about yourself soon OP, sounds like you are a successful woman, congratulations.

Please don't let the genetic luck of the draw and society's definition of physical beauty blind you to your best traits.

This lady has a lot of problems and stress in her life. Peace of mind is worth a thousand times that. Looks will fade over time and unwanted attention is invasive and frightening. Better to be happy and content in yourself and have people drawn to you because they like you for you, not for your looks.

I get where you are coming from, pretty privilege is a real thing, but as she gets older that will fade, and the attributes you have will remain.

I had a friend whose only real attribute was being pretty, and now she's in her 60s it's a real problem for her, she honestly relied so much on flirting to get through life and she can't do that any more.

So don't be jealous.

This is why men shouldn't try pass agg. It just never works.

Not mansplain as much as make women the shallow baddies in your life story while you project every shit stereotype on them, lecture them about it, pre-emptively accuse them of being hysterical, and then pretend that you just don't understaaaand and that your subsequent questions are actually genuine and good faith because how could you possibly not be a welcome shining light? But like I said, I knew you couldn't understand.

I am glad I'm not going to be subjected to these questions any further and I'd be gladder still if you stopped talking to me entirely. I dislike it immensely.

A man offering his opinion is not automatically mansplaining. Sometimes men offer insightful and intelligent contributions to discussion. Unfortunately starting a post by stating something so obvious it barely warrants the effort to type it, that "men notice pretty girls first" as though you're giving us some unique and hitherto unknown glimpse into the male psyche, is not an example of that.

It basically boiled down to this:

mansviewpoint: I am about to say something that I know will piss women off.

Also mansviewpoint: What, what did I say? I just can't understand why I didn't get a good reaction. Won't you please explain it to me like I'm five?

And also mansviewpoint: Aaaah, you think I'm mansplaining! Obviously you're wrong but I am so reasonable and rational that I will let it go now that I have unravelled the mystery of why nobody liked what I said.

You're just assuming life is easier for her because she’s pretty.

Ah thank you. Yes I suppose that was dumb of me to put. I wasn't trying to offend but now I see that saying that was a bit bloody obvious. My girls didn't notice that when I asked them... they are 15, 17 and 24 and that's why I always want to understand a woman's perspective more. So I'll point out to them in a minute what I did and explain it to them the best I can.
They have all been harassed by knobheads and one was sexually assaulted and although i try to understand what they go through i obviously never experienced that. I just didn't think that pointing out the obvious would also make me a knob. Or perhaps more to the point I didn't think.
I'd like to apologise again to all those I offended.

It’s not genuine, but they do need some help.

Just zip it, @mansviewpoint. You’re now mansplaining your own mansplaining in some kind of endless, verbose meta.

I feel like I’ve sort of experienced both sides of this coin, because I was a lot like the woman you describe when I was 15 years younger; the proverbial ‘hot mess’. Now I am overweight and early 40s and don’t get any of that attention / validation anymore. However, I did get my act together in my 30s and built a career, bought a home, saved some money. I am single but with good family and friends like you. The latter option (your situation) is way, way better imo.

You've made yourself very unpopular in that derail @mansviewpoint

I CBA to read it all, but if you are in any way well intentioned, I would suggest that username is a DISASTER. It's more or less a synonym for "Man here!...<chunters on mansplaining>". I would change it.

I think you're being obtuse. The implication is that they are less attractive, or more ugly, and therefore, men don't bother them anymore. That's the point.

I think you are being shifty. You implied age and size equates to ugly. Nobody else did. Own it.

Less attractive does not mean more ugly. Ugly is the extreme end of unattractiveness. Less attractive, as I said, could mean average in looks.

The implication is only that men don't go after older and bigger women the way they do young, pretty, thinner women.

@XChrome You implied age and size equates to ugly. Nobody else did.

Well yes, they did.

Less attractive does not mean more ugly.

Yes it does. Ugly and attractive are on a spectrum. Being less attractive means being more ugly, and vice versa.

Less attractive, as I said, could mean average in looks.

Yes, so a person who is average in looks is more ugly than someone who is above average in looks. That's what I just explained.