To be annoyed that someone will be sleeping in my bed for a week plus?

[BobbyBiscuits]

A bit of background is required but I could do with some advice.

I live with my elderly mum in her house. We basically are eachothers carers. All is good, it works out fine for both most of the time.
I pay half for utilities and buy all my own food etc.

But my mum has a friend, she lives up north and also splits her time with a house in Italy. They've been friends since their early 20s, but friend has not invited mum to stay with her in over 30 years.

This friend has declared she's visiting in August, but is unwilling to give an exact date. I asked for how long and mum just said 'oh, probably no longer than a week.'
The problem being, this person will be sleeping in my bed. I have severe osteoporosis, and arthritic symptoms and get a lot of pain in my hip due to a bodged surgery.

The only other place I can sleep is a small 2 person couch in my living area. My legs dangle off the couch at the knees! It is very painful and I wake up every 20 mins.

I half jokingly said I want the friend to pay board, then if necessary I could use at least some of it to sleep in a budget hotel for a couple of nights. Just literally to give me 7 hours of comfortable sleep.

Unfortunately I'm not in a position to pay for myself to sleep in a hotel.

What do you all think? Is the friend being U, is my mum for letting her stay indefinitely or am I?

Thank you and I appreciate all responses.

Why would they be sleeping in your bed?

People who invite themselves get to sleep on the sofa!

Given that the friend hasn't hosted your dm in a very long time yanbu to suggest she stays elsewhere..

Why would she be sleeping in your bed?

Just say no and friend can stay at a hotel.

she shouldn’t be in your bed!

She can sleep in your mother's bed rather than yours.

You haven’t explained why it seems to be mandatory that the friend will be in your bed?! Or why, if you have severe osteoporosis, your mum thinks it’s ok for you to lose your bed? Or why the friend isn’t going to a hotel?!?!?!

It's not reasonable to expect you to sleep elsewhere with your particular circumstances.

It's going to be awkward, but you need to be firm with your mum and tell her you cannot give up your bed.

If sleeping in a budget hotel is a possibility, then get the pricing and offer to do this - at her cost.

But mum needs to be having a conversation with her friend.

Sorry if I didn't explain. My bed is the only other bed available. And my mum is too elderly and unwell to give up her own bed.
But I'm erring towards refusing it. It's just my mum really enjoys seeing her.
But she can sleep on a hotel, right? I suspect the friend is using my mum for £500 plus worth of free accommodation!

Friend should stay at a hotel. Of course you shouldn't be giving up your bed.

I’d say no to her sleeping in your bed also!

Can you get a nice sofa bed situation going for your mum’s guest? (Not suggesting forking out for a brand new sofa bed - but can you make the sofa cosy and comfortable for her?) Or an airbed?

You shouldn’t be giving up your bed for her! Unless your mum / her friend wants to pay for you to stay in a hotel and you want to stay in a hotel.

Just because your bed is the only other bed, it doesn’t follow that the friend will be using it?

Do you normally sleep on the small couch cos it’s comfier than the bed or do you usually sleep in your bed but would have to leave the bed to sleep on the couch so your mums friend can have your bed?

"Dear friend, we'd love to see you but we don't have a spare bed. Unfortunately Bobby has a lot of pain from her arthritis so cant sleep on the sofa. There are some reasonable hotels locally, let us know if you need help choosing"

It might be fairly common to give up your bed to guests, but not in your situation!

You can't give up your bed because you cannot sleep anywhere else. If there's no spare room and spare bed, the friend will have to go to a hotel or air BnB

Just tell the friend that due to your health you are unable to offer her a bed so she will have to book herself accommodation. (I was going to say offer her the sofa but don't do that - if she accepts and has one bad night on it you'll probably get guilt tripped into giving your bed.)

If that doesn't work and your mum really wants her to come/you really want her to come for your mum then....air bed?

Whose house is it?

Surely the guest takes the sofa bed or stays in a hotel if you’re not able to give up your bed. Assume you pay to live there?

@Coconutter24 I've slept in the small couch once before every night for a week when her brother came to stay last year. It's horrific. Definitely not remotely comfortable.

I guess my mum could buy an airbed and set it up for her mate on her own living room? But mum insists on staying there in her chair til 7am dozing with the telly on full volume, so she'd probably say no to that as well.

I need to assert myself don't l?

A friend bought a folding bed for just this type of need, and very handy it has turned out to be. Hers is a Zed Bed but you can get other brands. You can wheel it away into a cupboard or spare bit of space when it's not being used. I actually find it very comfortable.

See I disagree with some of the other posters in that if it is your mums house, she can invite her friend to stay in the other bedroom she has, that she currently lets you sleep in, if she wants to. Obviously not ideal but if you’re living rent free in someone’s home you can’t be massively annoyed when they want to invite someone else to stay.

(Also a bit bizarre to say they are using your mum for £500 free accommodation when I assume you’re doing the same thing?)

@Alfonsoo it's my mum's house, that will go to me. I'm an only child.

With respect, that doesn't answer the question.

I think the response is " of course you are welcome to stay but we don't have any spare beds so you'd have to make do with the sofa/camping bed."