To be annoyed that someone will be sleeping in my bed for a week plus?

[BobbyBiscuits]

A bit of background is required but I could do with some advice.

I live with my elderly mum in her house. We basically are eachothers carers. All is good, it works out fine for both most of the time.
I pay half for utilities and buy all my own food etc.

But my mum has a friend, she lives up north and also splits her time with a house in Italy. They've been friends since their early 20s, but friend has not invited mum to stay with her in over 30 years.

This friend has declared she's visiting in August, but is unwilling to give an exact date. I asked for how long and mum just said 'oh, probably no longer than a week.'
The problem being, this person will be sleeping in my bed. I have severe osteoporosis, and arthritic symptoms and get a lot of pain in my hip due to a bodged surgery.

The only other place I can sleep is a small 2 person couch in my living area. My legs dangle off the couch at the knees! It is very painful and I wake up every 20 mins.

I half jokingly said I want the friend to pay board, then if necessary I could use at least some of it to sleep in a budget hotel for a couple of nights. Just literally to give me 7 hours of comfortable sleep.

Unfortunately I'm not in a position to pay for myself to sleep in a hotel.

What do you all think? Is the friend being U, is my mum for letting her stay indefinitely or am I?

Thank you and I appreciate all responses.

This ⬆️. My children are in a very similar situation, father passed away when they were very young, but it is My House. Hopefully, one day they will benefit from inheriting it but it is not theirs atm and I am free to do what I want with my house. I am also hopeful that they will live independently of me at some point , although, some have special needs so not entirely sure.

This.
Clear a corner anywhere in your home. Set up a camp bed and a reading/bedside lamp on a small nearby shelf or table.
Welcome your mother's friend for an agreed time, say, one week.

Your mum can have whomever she wants to stay in her own home, but that does not mean you have to give up your bed. Tell her that's not happening.

It's not available though is it, because you sleep in it!

Obviously your mum needs to tell the "friend" that she can't stay as there's nowhere to sleep!

None of which is relevant…

Have you actually been asked to give up your bed?

Surely your mum understands your physical health needs?

I just bought one of those, amazed how good it is and it is ideal for this sort of situation.

She can't sleep in your bed, you need it. Airbed or a hotel.

This is easy. One of these:

Deal: OlarHike Single Air Bed, Inflatable Mattress with Built-in Electic Pump, Self-inflating Folding Guest Airbed, Inflatable Air Mattresses For Camping or Home Use with Storage, 198x102x46cm(Black) https://amzn.eu/d/03wiPAtA

Inflate it in your mum’s living room (just plug it in. It only takes a few minutes and it’s very easy). Don’t worry about pushing for a date, just say, ‘No worries, just let us know when you have some dates.

They can’t be expected to just come and take your bed! Especially not with osteoporosis!

Is there a room where you can set up some kind of camp bed for her or something?

I think you’re being far too kind here.

"No". Is a complete sentence and that.

Your bed isn't available* *@BobbyBiscuits.
You have to tell them that, and stand firm. Simply state that you are not able to sleep on the sofa and won't be doing so.
If you want to be petty then camp out in your bed all day and/or put a lock on the door.

Why aren't you saying you're not giving up your bed and mothership needs to fork out for a blow up bed for her guest?

What tf has any of that got to do with the price of chips?

Friend should definitely stay in a hotel!

What do any of these things matter?
It sounds like you are just trying to criticise how the OP lives day to day.

Calm down there detective, none of that is relevant to the problem at hand so I'm not sure why you're asking.

This isn't the first time you've had a guest and encountered this problem.

One of you needs to get another bed/sofa bed/camp bed so your mother can have guests in her own house if she wants. It sounds like you have enough space.

It's not rocket science.

Do not give up your bed!

Why can't the fiend pick up a blow up single air bed and camp on the floor in your mothers bedroom?

Stand firm and do not give in to this usurping !

Just no! It sounds like your mum has forgotten that you're not a child anymore, who can be expected to give up a bed for a visitor.

There is absolutely no way that you should be agreeing to let this person have your room. If there isn't room for her to sleep elsewhere in the house then she'll need to book into a hotel.

Honestly, it's a completely insane idea! I hope you'll stand up for yourself.

@tuvamoodyson
Do I have any friends? None like you thankfully.
Have I had a relationship? Yes for the last 18 years thanks.
I'm in my mid 40s my mum is 85.
Is that ok?

Thanks again everyone.
I asserted myself and explained it was going to be too uncomfortable for her to sleep in my bed, and we could buy a z bed or air mattress for friend to sleep in mums living room.
Mum was actually really ok with it. It released a bit of anxiety about her own sleeping arrangements, as she feels she'll need to switch rooms with me soon. Mine is nearer the bathroom. It makes her feel a bit upset as it's a sign of her failing mobility. But that is a separate thing I reassured her about.
She can sleep wherever she needs in her house and of course I'll move for her.
I think it's all going to be fine and the airbed is a good addition anyway for the house. I said I'd play half for it, as I do for everything.

Well done.

Well done.

I hope that you're not expected to wait hand and foot on the guest.

Osteoporosis or no osteoporosis I'd be horrified if anyone suggested giving up their bed to host me. Who on earth is ok about someone else giving up their comfort and private space for them?

That said there's nothing that appeals to me less than being a house guest, other than perhaps hosting one. Hotels are there for a reason.