To be annoyed that someone will be sleeping in my bed for a week plus?

[BobbyBiscuits]

A bit of background is required but I could do with some advice.

I live with my elderly mum in her house. We basically are eachothers carers. All is good, it works out fine for both most of the time.
I pay half for utilities and buy all my own food etc.

But my mum has a friend, she lives up north and also splits her time with a house in Italy. They've been friends since their early 20s, but friend has not invited mum to stay with her in over 30 years.

This friend has declared she's visiting in August, but is unwilling to give an exact date. I asked for how long and mum just said 'oh, probably no longer than a week.'
The problem being, this person will be sleeping in my bed. I have severe osteoporosis, and arthritic symptoms and get a lot of pain in my hip due to a bodged surgery.

The only other place I can sleep is a small 2 person couch in my living area. My legs dangle off the couch at the knees! It is very painful and I wake up every 20 mins.

I half jokingly said I want the friend to pay board, then if necessary I could use at least some of it to sleep in a budget hotel for a couple of nights. Just literally to give me 7 hours of comfortable sleep.

Unfortunately I'm not in a position to pay for myself to sleep in a hotel.

What do you all think? Is the friend being U, is my mum for letting her stay indefinitely or am I?

Thank you and I appreciate all responses.

wow

Did you read the OP's posts...

Or just skim the first one and then make up the rest of this in your head?

OP pays half the bills and for her own food - I assume the house is owned outright so there is no mortgage. Therefore she is paying her way, not living rent free.

OP is her Mums carer, that is why she lives there.

OP's Mum doesn't sound scared to ask her daughter to switch rooms, just worried about the future and her reducing mobility.

IF they both claim carers allowance for being one anothers carer, what the absolute fuck has that got to do with you?

What a load of old nonsense.

@6hourdrive you've got completely the wrong impression if you take the things I've said to mean I control my mum and she's scared of me?!
I'm sorry but that's just wide off the mark and offensive to me and her.

But your bed is not available? You'll be in it?

I can understand if your mum offered your bed because you'll be away, but not while you're there!

You and your mum might be related but you're in a housemate situation here - just because she's your mum she doesn't have the right to offer your bed to HER friend.

You need to make a stand and say no. Even if you didn't have any issues sleeping elsewhere you should do this.

@WiddlinDiddlin thank you. I've reported that post. Horrible.

@BobbyBiscuits

OP after reading your posts I would never treat my Mum in her own home the way you describe you treat your Mum. Old friendships are priceless and as an adult I would always make sure my Mum and her friends felt comfortable and welcome when they visit.

You have a partner of 18 years and you have friends. Surely, these adult connections of your own can offer you an alternative bed for a few days?

You protesting your earnestness and reporting my post IMO only goes to validate my own POV further.

Of course this is just my opinion after reading your posts. Many others support your views. However, I am allowed my own views too. That is the point of an online forum.

You posted on AIBU and after reading all your posts and answers to questions I have given my reasons why I feel you are being unreasonable and treating your DM and her friend poorly in these circumstances. I don’t understand how you can then say this is horrible just because you don’t agree?

Well said, @BobbyBiscuits👏👏👏

You sound nice.......

I thought your earlier post was horrible too. Almost always when you see a post that contains the words 'you sound...' you know to expect some nasty comment.

I'll join in. YOU sound really judgemental and as if you are looking to find nasty things to say.

I am glad I said 'almost always'. 😉

If it helps you get across what you need to say I have no judgement towards you using the words ‘you sound’ to express yourself.

Wrong person. I replied to that poster saying it wasn’t relevant.

@6hourdrive it's horrible because it bears no resemblance to the truth. I've never treated my mum badly. Your assumptions about me are wrong and rude.

Not sure if I've screwed up here, but my "you sound nice" comment was directed at @6hourdrive

Still trying to stick the boot in @6hourdrive? Why are you being so nasty?

@tuvamoodyson gosh, I'm sorry! Yeah I agree with you and think the other person is being nasty.

@Greyrockin Yes - yet again a forum supposedly for women supporting women has degenerated in a thread being hijacked and turned into a bitchy slanging match.
Pathetic isn't it?🙄

You talk about your inheritance when your DM is still alive. This is offensive to me.

You talk about asserting yourself against two nearly 90 year old women too. This is alarming to me.

I find your POV very concerning. This is what I have expressed in my posts.

It's best to try and ignore posters like that.

They're not trying to be helpful and just enjoy trying to make people feel bad.

Everyone else actually read and understood your posts OP.

I'm glad your mum agreed with you.

@CovertPiggery thank you so much.
Most posters have been really helpful. Like you.
Some people are just being vindictive, I guess cos it's in AIBU, occupational hazard, haha.

No problem! Easily done…!

Yep & they have nothing better to do with their time.

I'd feel sorry for them if they weren't so nasty to other people.

@6hourdrive your approach to my post is offensive. I didn't talk about my inheritance. The fact is the house will go to me.
I don't care about that and would rather she lived longer than I did in amazing health.
You are one of the most bitter seeming people I've ever had interaction with here on MN.