How sick do you have to be to ask husband to come home?

[sickandtiredtoday]

DH is working today (he works every other weekend). I am home with our 3 year old feeling like death - it started yesterday with a sore scratchy throat and losing my voice, a bit headachy, and today it's horrendous pain when I try to swallow, sinus pain all over my face, banging headache and the room spins when I stand. I'm too nauseous to eat. My 3 year old wants to go swimming as we usually do on a Saturday morning and I genuinely think I'd collapse if I tried. I know I can't ask him to come home from work but I do not know how I'm going to survive the day😭 Is it ever acceptable to ask DH to come home as I just can't do it today? Any tips on how I can make it through the day til 6om with a toddler feeling like this 😩

Lots of TV and playing on their own. Tablet time if necessary too. You must do what you can to make it easy for yourself.
I personally wouldn't ask him to leave work for this, but I really hope the day goes quickly for you and that you feel better soon

No swimming and lots and lots of telly. Make sure you dose up on paracetamol etc.

Ah its rubbish when you're ill and have to look after a young child. Just hole up in the living room. Cartoons on. Have an ipad on hand with games for variety. Try and get then to play with toys for as long as possible, then glue to TV/screens. Mummy's not well so we can't go out today.

Be a good idea to make their snack now. Then you can flop on sofa with a blanket and pillows. Make sure the door is shut.

Is there any family or friends you can ask for support from? Dose up on pain killers and let them have a day of eating easy things and watching tv!

Yes, I think you can ask your DH to come home. I would.

Lone parent here, this is the thing that always sucked the most when DD was little. Do whatever you need to do, TV, tablet for them for you have a home day. And for you to do absolute minimum.

Get everyone in the living room, make a huge plate of snacks, drinks and tell them you're feeling really poorly and it's a quiet at home day. Then dose yourself up and crash onto the sofa. DH ran his own business, coming home was never an option and I just had to struggle on. Then the moment he got home, I went to bed.

A lemsip (or other brands) is your best friend along with low effort activities such as colouring in or playing with dolls/cars etc that you can do sat down and if possible letting them burn off some energy running around the garden whilst you sit and watch. Screen time and reading stories can entertain them for a bit too.
Basically low energy activities are what you want, it's not fun (for you) or easy but it's something that all parents eventually have to deal with and just get on with doing the best we can

Thanks everyone for the suggestions. We are currently set up with pillows and duvet, snacks and tv. She still wants to go swimming but I'm managing to distract her for now. Told her mummy isn't feeling well and she said "it's ok mummy you'll be better soon then we go" 🤦🏼‍♀️ The guilt is awful. I feel like a rubbish mum today. No family locally to help unfortunately, nearest family are 3 hours drive away.

Could your son go for a play date with someone? You sound horribly poorly and need some sleep!
If there's no one at all who can help with or take the child off your hands then yes I would ask DH to come home - if the room spins when you stand there's a chance you might faint.

Son = daughter, sorry! Just assumed son for some reason.

I would never ask! If I was emergency hospitalised and needed childcare, then yes but otherwise no way would I ask him to look after me as an adult.

could you dose up on lemsip, take him the playground or soft play for an hour to get some energy out then watch tv the rest of the day? If I tried to get my dd to stay in all day she’d be a pain but if she’d had something of a run round first she’d be more likely to settle for the rest of the day

God, no. No soft play or playground. The woman is ill and the child will just have to get on with it!

It's not to look after me, it's to look after our toddler

Sorry you're feeling so rough. It sounds very much like you could have Covid, so I wouldn't try to find anyone for your daughter to go to play with. Unless there was a real emergency, I wouldn't have ever asked my husband to come home to look after me. Like others have said, just let your daughter watch loads of TV to distract her - it won't hurt for a day or two.

the room spins when I stand

Struggling to stand would probably be the point where I called for him to come home and look after DD. If I felt I wouldn't safely be able to make a child's lunch or help them on the toilet etc without potentially keeling over.
Obviously you might not be at that stage, the spinning may be milder and manageable.

I think it's completely acceptable if you're too ill to get out of bed, to ask your husband to come home from work. We've had senior managers at work take the day off because they had young kids and their partner had an awful sickness bug, or a bad sprain etc. What would he do if you were in hospital? What would happen if you both worked and the childminder or nanny was ill or the nursery shut because of weather or a deep clean for sickness? People take emergency days off because their childcare has fallen through all the time. As long as its an occasional one off and it's genuine, it's fine in my opinion. Of course it depends on his employer, some are OK with this but I know some industries it's more difficult. I do think that sometimes men say they 'can't', when plenty women at their office do it. And sometimes mumsnet is weird about this subject with double standards, women who are about to be sacked for taking so much time off to look after their own sick kids is ok, but mustn't ask the partner to leave work as his job is so important and 'I managed as a single parent even when I broke my back, so you can manage on your own with the flu' etc

You are too sick to look after your kid. You feel dizzy when you stand up which I wouldn't consider particularly safe with a 3 year old. You're meant to be in a partnership and it sounds like one of those times a partner should be picking up the slack

My husband has taken time off to look after kids before when I've been sick- once with a migraine and once with a sickness thing where I was really dizzy whenever I stood. His work didn't think any less of him. My youngest is now 6 and old enough to be pretty self sufficient if whoever was looking after them was poorly

I suppose it depends on how flexible his work is is relevant as well, my DH also works weekends but would only be allowed to leave mid shift if it was an actual emergency. Do you have any local friends/other parents that could take her out even for an hour or 2 to let you get some rest?

Is it ever acceptable? Speaking from experience, I say yes if you think you genuinely may collapse or faint.

His work are not hugely flexible. It's not easy for him to just down tools and leave a shift, think emergency services. Hence I'm thinking I'll have to just struggle on rather than put him in an awkward situation at work.

Does 3 year old have a nap?
If so, that will break up the day a bit and mean you can have a sleep too.

Also order a Macdonalds for 3 year old if they deliver to you for dinner so you don’t have to cook anything.

Its just survival and horrible - hopefully you DH is off tomorrow and can take DC out so you can just sleep.

Yeah I'm sure cartoons will be really great for alleviating sinus pain and a "banging headache"...

Team ask him to come home here. But depends on the nature of his job surely.

I would message and say you feel awful so it’s a tv day and say you’ll need to go to bed as soon as he’s back, and to come home after work asap, and if he can get off early at all you’d appreciate it