How sick do you have to be to ask husband to come home?

[sickandtiredtoday]

DH is working today (he works every other weekend). I am home with our 3 year old feeling like death - it started yesterday with a sore scratchy throat and losing my voice, a bit headachy, and today it's horrendous pain when I try to swallow, sinus pain all over my face, banging headache and the room spins when I stand. I'm too nauseous to eat. My 3 year old wants to go swimming as we usually do on a Saturday morning and I genuinely think I'd collapse if I tried. I know I can't ask him to come home from work but I do not know how I'm going to survive the day😭 Is it ever acceptable to ask DH to come home as I just can't do it today? Any tips on how I can make it through the day til 6om with a toddler feeling like this 😩

What does your DH do as a job? This is surely the relevant point here. If he'll lose his job for having to leave, or if he's a surgeon or something else where him coming home will seriously impact other people's wellbeing, then you will have to manage. If it's something that will just mildly inconvenience him or other people for having to miss a day, then absolutely I'd call him.

He's a police officer

He needs to come home. You aren't well enough to look after your joint child properly, so dad needs to do it. That's called being a parent. Call him and get him back.

Given his job, it would put him in a horribly difficult position. Personally I would only call him if I thought I was genuinely unsafe or almost incapable of looking after my child. As for swimming, your daughter will just have to get over it. You can't always have what you want in life and children need to learn that sooner rather than later.

Only if I felt I couldn't safely look after DC. In your situation there would be lots of TV while I napped on the sofa. Don't worry about being the kind of mum you normally want to be: today is about survival. Take cold and flu medicine, something easy like crackers with cheese and apple for lunch, whatever will keep your DC entertained while you rest is fine.

You're obviously not a man.

TV fast food and tablet time will get you through. Then, when he comes home, connect with your inner bloke and go full dying swan.

There was a post about The Sigh. Perhaps some kind soul at MNHQ can find it. It tells you everything you need to do.

If this is your current state and you DH is a police officer then I'd ride this one out OP and leave him at work.

When mine were 3 months old, I may have asked him if he could leave work. At 3 years old there's no way - I would have popped the TV on, lots of toys on the floor, shut the door and had a nap on the sofa. 3 year olds can definitely understand 'Mummy needs to lie down for a bit.'

I really wouldn’t bother him for having a cold. Make it a snuggly at home day, lots of movies and naps. It’s just a few hours.

I think you're going to have to wing it today. Fluids, painkillers, something to preoccupy your child and try to nibble at something 🌺

Can husband swap shifts tomorrow?

Sounds like I have been with COVID this last week, lasted for a few days too.

DH came home once to look after our children when I had to have my appendix out in an emergency. That's the only time, and I wouldn't call him unless it was a hospital trip.

He's a surgeon though, if he had a job where he could make up the time, I'd have called a couple of other times!

Haha I'm the opposite - would much rather look after a 3 month old when ill than a 3 year old. However (and I do have a 3 year old of my own at present) I think OP needs to be firmer on the swimming. 3 is old enough that mummy is too poorly and it's not going to happen.

Tell your 3 yo that mummy's feeling very poorly & sad, and so you are going to have a quiet day. Screens, and quiet fun.

Then fluids, nurofen alternating with paracetamol, olbas oil, and taking it easy for you.

Your dp takes over tomorrow.

If what he's doing is extremely important to him retaining his ability to earn the family income, ie, it would be highly frowned upon and career damaging to leave, or he does it a lot and is already seen as unreliable, then only if it wouldn't be safe for you to manage alone.
If like a lot of work events its not vital for him to be there and he is sufficiently valued to have earned flexibility, then the bar would be lower. You need to weigh up your needs against the importance of the event, so its not just about how sick you are.

Exactly how I felt on Thursday, I now have COVID. As it gets worse you may need him to take time off in a couple of days, so I’d struggle on today if you can.

Another single mum here, this is when it's hardest! Don't feel guilty at all - you're sick, you're not negligent.

As others have said, quiet day at home, lots of things for your daughter to do without much input from you - draw you a get well picture, put on a show with her teddies,read you a book by describing the pictures etc etc, with TV in doses so she doesn't get bored of it.

If she's still taking naps go for a proper sleep with her in your bed at nap time - if she doesn't try to get her to have a sleep with you anyway.

You will survive this, and you can handover to her dad when he gets home.

Never had that option as a lone parent to 2 under 2. You just get on with it when you have to. You'll survive I'm sure. I hope you feel better soon.

I was a totally lone parent with no family in the uk. I've had to do it in my own with 2 children even when desperately ill. So I don't see how it is impossible to be home alone with your one DC till 6pm. I know it isn't the same situation but that isn't much time at all. You'll get relief in the evening.

I wouldn't pull him from work if it were me.
Hope you get well soon.

What would you do if you were single?

If it's at the point where you cannot safely look after a child, and would be having to call in family/friends, then fine to ask him to come home.

If you would get through with a lot of cbb's and junk food, you should probably try to do that while he works.

I'd ask him if it's possible for him to come home early only if you can't take care of your toddlers basic needs.
If you can push through with providing the essentials, then just do that and have a day of tv. I'm assuming if you can type and read mumsnet, you can manage the bare minimum?

Maybe dh can take him out for a bit when he gets back.

Like others have said, barricade everyone in the living room with duvets, snacks, lots of rubbish TV, tablets etc. and just do as little as possible. It's horrible I know!

Is he working tomorrow too? If so, I'd see if family could plan to make the 3 hour journey- or ask a friend to take your daughter ? I think most friends would help in this situation

Deliveroo some of your child's favourite treats if you don't have any in (it's sort of more for a distraction/novelty that there is popcorn and movie etc), wrap up and tv day together x

I would probably try and get through the day, with lots of paracetamol etc, although prepare him for when he gets home he will be taking over as your going to bed. Hopefully he is working less hours tomorrow and you will be feeling abit better 🤞