To want my adult niece and nephew to call my Aunty Emma?

[egaley]

AIBU? Am I old fashioned?

I have an adult nephew and niece (28 and 26). They have always called me Aunty Emma.

We were having a big family meal and my cheeky nephew called me just “Emma” when he wanted to say something. I corrected him and asked him why he called me Emma, my name is Aunty Emma!

I'm British and everyone does here.

I’m British and all the adults in my family call aunts/uncles ‘Aunty Doris’ or ‘Uncle Derek’ 🤣 it’s just what everyone has always done. We’re a close family though 🤷‍♀️

It's special to you OP but by insisting on it and correcting - you've removed that specialness. You've made it an embarrassing obligation - and calling a 28 year old cheeky and insisting on being called aunty suggests you have failed to acknowledge the adult-to-adult nature of the relationship - which is a shame. One of the things I enjoyed most about my aunts was when they finally moved away from the feeling they were the adult and I was the child. I got to know them properly and I developed a real fondness for them - I didn't have when I was growing up.

Yes, my dh was brought up like that. But all 5 of the children deeply love and respect their 90 year old mother and their late father. Some of them -shock-are even called by their first names by their own children. Some aren’t and call their parents by their titles. But what I find strange is the measurement of love and importance by a title. It shows too much reverence to a status conveyed by what you call someone not what they do or say-and the belief that you value someone because they have a titular name seems very strange to me.

I'm with you, OP. It makes my heart glow to hear that 'aunty'.

I like it. I wouldn’t feel comfortable dropping it and I'm in my 40s.

I see it as a sign of affection. Opposite of formal here.

Grandchildren calling their grandma by their first name is wild to me. What business do I have calling my 71 year old grandma by her first name as if we’re age mates?

YANBU OP but it probably depends on the sort of background you come from. Most people on this thread probably wouldn’t think twice about swearing in front of older family members however I think that’s really disrespectful. I still call my auntie’s, auntie whatever and couldn’t imagine just saying ‘hi Emma.’ It’s weird

What🤣🤣 it’s so interesting to see how some people live

Never called my aunties 'auntie ' but then we have never been close.
It's more of a cultural thing I think. Indians and South africans seem to call women who are close to them this even if they are not biologically related.

Absolutely not unreasonable. I'm a lot older than your nephew and would never dream of calling my Aunties by their first name. It sounds like you were rather polite in your correction of your errant nephew.

You can still do that with the aunty title...?

Calling your parents mum and dad has never stopped anyone from getting know them as an adult

If I was talking to someone else I would use Aunty or Aunt Emma, just to differentiate from any other Emma, face to face first name only.

I agree with this. It’s very ‘putting them in their place’ which I hate. My FIL was introduced to me as first name and he said “that’s Mr surname to you”. He was being tongue in cheek but it made me feel about 2” tall and I wanted to cry in that moment.

More counties than just these two. Across Asia, Caribbean and Africa this is the norm for your elders of any age.

I've always called my aunts and uncles by their first name so it seems weird that the change annoys you.

When I became an adult I stopped saying Aunty and uncle and just used first names. Thought everyone did that.

I got told off by aunty when I was mid 20's and that was ok

I was a young teenager when I became an aunty and never wanted the title as it made me feel old. If I ever hear the eldest it saying it I know I'm about to get ribbed. That's fine too.

When I use auntie and uncle it's a sign of affection not respect - I don't really understand the respect thing - I convey no respect when someone insists I use a title - felt the same about teachers at school - when they were my teachers or my kid's teachers I just thought it was silly. Respect is earned.

I still refer to mine as auntie and uncle too and I'm 38! Even my (blood) uncle's ex wife who divorced when I was 24, I still refer to her as "auntie Rachel" if I'm speaking about her 😂 I'd known her since birth and that's all I ever knew her as! I don't know at what point in my life it would suddenly feel normal to refer to them as just their first name, I don't think I'm likely to just wake up one day and think "hmm I'm all grown up now I think I'll drop the prefix"!

Good friends of parents are sometimes referred to as Aunty or Uncle by smallish children in the UK too,

Yep. Aunt Dorothy was aunt Dorothy till she died at 93. We always say aunt and uncle (name) if they are an aunt or uncle.

To add... I genuinely think if I saw any of my primary school teachers from 30 years ago I'd also still probably call them "Mr X" or "Mrs Y"!

It's kjnd of like how Gary Neville still refers to Sir Alex as "the Boss"! He always says he'd never call him by his first name lol

Things have changed @egaley

If adults wants to call their extended family by titles then great, but most people drop the aunt bit when they grow up.

I think you’d be totally shocked if you went to a special school, the children refer to the teacher by their Christian name not Mr/Mrs etc.

Same! I would feel weird calling my aunties and uncles just by their first name, and my adult nephews still call me auntie. I’d never given it a thought until now and just assumed it was like that for every family. I wouldn’t correct my nephews if they didn’t though, and for my little nieces and nephews it’s up to their parents really.

It is weird - one of the dinner ladies from dc's school lives 2 doors down and dh and I still call her Mrs X - I have to check myself when speaking to the other neighbours as they'd think I was weird if I didn't refer to her by first name - I'd also not address her as Mrs X to her face or on a Christmas Card because that would be odd too.