Not trying to be inflammatory but why do people *need* more than two kids?

[ConstantlyFuriosa]

Just that.

🤣🤣🤣

I had 4 for shits and giggles.

I've worked in child protection and that is not true in my experience.

Why not? lol

A woman in my local area has 10 children. The eldest is in her 20s, youngest is 1yo.

I think it also depends on your upbringing. I’m one of 3 (I also have a sibling from a parents second marriage) I love my sisters - but my experience growing up in poverty influenced my decision to only have 2. With a 6 year age gap to ensure we could afford it.

My parents both had jobs - but not ones they enjoyed or progressed in. To go on holiday once a year my Dad would took on second jobs and during the summer would have students staying in our bedrooms.

It’s more than just being able to afford it. My middle sister was bloody hard work growing up and it affected both me and my younger sister. I think if my parents had a crystal ball they may have not had a 3rd with how challenging the middle one is! It affected the parenting for the rest of us!

I would have loved my own space and room growing up - I’ve read here having your own room doesn’t matter - it really does. Having space to study away from the crazy would have helped.

I also would have liked more children but knew I wanted them to have their own rooms, and choices. We only go on holiday every other year so it’s not about holidays! Now my eldest has just finished uni we’ve been able to support her and make sure she has the opportunities we never had growing up. Driving lessons and helping her buy a car - insurance. Also, it’s expensive for her to move out so she coming back home to her bedroom to start her grad job.

Nobody worried overly about other people’s family size (bar the odd bored and spiteful kind of idiot who’d spout on about “breeders”) before the Tories started their nasty divisive rhetoric. It’s embarrassing how many people have been so taken in by it that they openly cheerlead the inherently misogynistic and discriminatory benefit cap. When I hear someone express support for it, I wonder about their state of mind. Are they cruel or just a bit dim?

I don't think you touched a nerve, I think @MissedItByThisMuch was just horrified at how small minded you are 🤔 She's not alone in this though!

Spare parts.

Nobody needs them in the sense that survival is not possible without them, but a lot of people like to have them and find their lives enriched by them. I agree that if you have them, you should do it on your own dime. State-supported large families should not be a thing.

I'd read it was 40 workers per pensioner when it started and they discussed whether it was sustainable then.

It was merely an observation. That's all. Years ago there used to be more posters posting about how little money they have. I see fewer of these kind of posts these days.

No one needs a child in the sense we can all survive without one (or 3)

But if you feel broody for a baby, very little logic comes into it. I've got two DC and the baby urge is gone (had my youngest at 29 so it went quite early for me). But prior to having them I was baby obsessed. It's a biological urge. If you've not had that, I can see why having 1,2,3+ kids would seem like a decision you can just make logically, but it's not.

Of course you can ignore it, and in some circumstances that is the best thing to do, but if you're in a position to have a child and you want one, very little would dissuade a broody woman otherwise IME.

Don’t see the oroblem as long as they can afford them and genuinely want to spend time and effort raising them

I'm actually interested in this, too. I understand that people could want more than 2 children, a lot of families I know seem to think 3 is the perfect number. But if you have 1 and struggling already, why have more? I know of women with kids finding a new partner and having another child together - and this happening several times, so woman ends up with several kids from different dads. More likely than not not able to work, and struggling financially. This I cant understand, sorry.

Thankyou for this insight. The implications are so many and so consequential.
I can't imagine life without my multiple siblings, in-laws, aunties, uncles, nephews, nieces and cousins.

Yes, I hear you. I also have a dyslexic child, on the verge of ADHD. I think I have ADHD. Life can be tough when you live with anything like this and in our house is pretty mild.

I didn't 'need' to have two. I wanted them.

A-hem… you kind of don’t ‘need’ children… they need you 😬 life happens

I really don't understand why anyone would want any! They are such hard work for so many years.

As have I. I can't think of a single family with less than 4 kids. Many have 6+ and have the next one when asked to start looking for work.

I had 3 because I wanted3 and could afford 3🤷‍♀️ we don’t get child benefit so aren’t impacted by it.

From a wider economy perspective I would add that if the birth rate doesn’t increase, the UK is going to have some problems shortly. The government should be encouraging more children… And yes, those that don’t have them should be putting a little bit towards that encouragement via tax. Otherwise we are all going to be in the shit in 30 years 🤷‍♀️

We don't you think you should?? Very selfish as you'll probably pass this on, also I doubt you have the time or the resources to properly care for 7+ children. Sorry, but this sounds like it's verging on abuse and neglect

Biggest family I worked with had three kids. I'm aware a a few larger ones but definitely not most.

I’m one of 7. Although I love having so many siblings I do wonder what life would have been like has I had more one-on-one time with my parents before the next sibling came along. Having so many was also a massive financial burden and we were poor, which I also don’t think is fair but I don’t blame my parents . I’m constantly asked whether I will have as many as my parents. No, I have 2 and that’s perfect for us as a family.