Not trying to be inflammatory but why do people *need* more than two kids?

[ConstantlyFuriosa]

Just that.

I'd imagine some can comfortably have 4 and give them everything they need in life, others have one and struggle. Maybe some posters are judging by their own parenting standards 'I can't cope with my two so how could anyone cope with more?'.

It’s not just about the financial impact though, it’s about how much time parents have for each of them when there are four. I’d struggle to help with four lots of homework every night, parents evenings, school runs and the logistics of getting four kids to clubs, parties etc etc. If you can manage all that you’re more organised than me! I found with three that they weren’t really going to benefit from us adding a fourth child to the family.

I don’t know anyone from a large group of siblings that has decided to have more than 2 or the occasional 3 themselves.

Some people are more efficient with their time than others I guess. For example I don’t watch TV, never have, so that probably frees up some more time that others don’t have.

Well the answer is no one needs children, generally people want them though….
I think lots have a third hoping for the opposite sex to the first 2… I knew someone who said they’d keep going til they had a boy, but stopped after 6 girls!!… when I was young there was a family of 13, the mother divorced the dad when he had a vasectomy.. he didn’t want anymore and she did! It was really sad as the older kids seemed to raise the younger ones!
I personally agree with the benefit cap for 2 children… it doesn’t affect families that already had more than 2 when the cap was introduced, so families choosing to have more than 2 since the cap was introduced has made an informed choice to have more. Other countries have gone further and actually fine you in form of taxation if you have more than 1 or 2 children. We certainly need something to reduce the population.

Once more with the absolute barmy MN opinions. I mean the posters who think more than 2 children means no one gets their teeth brushed, or they’re expecting state handouts, you can’t really believe this surely?

Why is a career the be all and end all? Why can't someone be happy and fulfilled by something other than work?

Loads of variations, I think.

You might have 3 when you can afford it and then fall on harder times. You might accidentally get pregnant with a third and not want to terminate. You might meet a new partner and want a child together. You might just love having children and/or see raising them as a vocation.

I've never thought to ask my mom why she wanted 5 kids!

It may be unusual but my mum had more than 3 and had a great job. She was the breadwinner at times, too!

Not the case here. My 3 (ages 3 - 9) are very well brought up, people always comment on their manners.

Just back from a hotel stay and ours were the only kids at dinner in the hotel restaurant not using ipads/tablets, but sitting up and speaking to us, talking about our day, playing I Spy etc.

Of course clothes can be handed down, if still in good condition! Shoes are always new.

We sat down as parents and worked out our week so each child has 1 to 1 time with each parent.

We had 3 because we wanted to. We love it.

Yes you can see this with William and Kate, poor little Louis, so clearly deprived and in need of a visit to the dentist 🙄😂.

This is one of the most ignorant posts I've ever read. I actually think the people with 3 or more kids tend to be the uber wealthy ones, who can afford to send them all to private school etc. The middle classes tend to stick at 2.

You clearly feel you couldn't look after 3 yourself, and that's fine. But there are thousands of families who mange to look after more than 2 children and ensure they have clean bedding fgs.

user that's a very interesting point, I'd love to hear more from people who grew up in 'larger' families about how they feel. Both my DH and I grew up with more than one sibling each but can honestly say we have no meaningful relationships with our siblings ... not falling our or NC but just very, very different people.
I read on here about wanting a 'large family to sit round the dinner table with in the future'. I can't honestly remember the last time I sat down with all my siblings. Again, this strikes me as something the parent wants ... not necessarily what the DC in big families want or appreciate.
And I am now at the age where my friends and I are caring or supporting elderly parents ... I assure you it's one of the major points of friction at the perceived (or real) lack of equally sharing responsibilities. In my wider circle I can't think of any family where care is lovingly and happily shared .. so many fallings out and bad feeling ... and that's well before any inheritance discussions.
I am sure there are some really happy 'Walton' style families around ..... but not in my experience.

Conversely I’m an only child and have chosen to have a larger family. Caring for your (divorced) parents as an only child isn’t a bed of roses, either. I am solely responsible for them.

What’s wrong with hand me down clothes?

even our eldest gets hand me downs from her cousins and stuff off Vinted. Most of their clothes are second hand apart from a few new things they get to choose (and shoes - we get those new now after the smelly Vinted football boots incident). I thought this was being savvy and sustainable.

Also, with regards to the benefit cap, a parent may decide (or even carelessly/accidentally) have another child, does the government not still have a duty of care to the older siblings not to leave them in grinding poverty because there are too many mouths to feed?

Extra organs ?

My grandma had 10 🤣🤣🤣🤣 - because….. she wanted to. And - shock horror….. she didn’t get any benefits (didn’t live here) - she laughed at me when I said two of mine were a handful ☠️😂

Nailed it 😂I feel exposed

My husband and I are both one of four.

We're both very close to our families and have loads to do with them. Have a proper meal together or day together on a regular basis - we have DHs sister and family in tomorrow for a bbq, I'm going out with his other sister on Tuesday and my brother and his wife and kid are coming to stay with us over Bank Holiday.

We've had 3 kids.

But most families use those services, and with a larger family you will have more tax payers in the future.

You do know that some people have more hospital treatment than others, shall we call them out?

I am one of four and I have four.

I wouldn't consider 3 kids a "big family". A "big family" starts at 5 if you ask me. If you're judging families of three children then that's quite a large percentage of the population to be accusing of not teaching their children to brush their teeth or wash.

Are you Mao Zedong?

No one needs any kids babes. The human race does, but not the planet or the individual. I have 3 because I wanted 3. Not really sure what child benefit has to do with it, we never have claimed child benefit.

We had two because we wanted two- I'd like more.
I pay my own way in life so does my husband and we pay our children's way, no benefits, take nothing from anyone that way they can't come looking it back.
Benefits system doesn't affect my life decisions

What?? 😂😂😂 I think it might just be the circles you move in. Do you not know any families with more than 2 grown up, well adjusted, high achieving children? I can think of multiple families off the top of my head who had 4 kids, all emotionally intelligent, good jobs, happy families, lots of interests and guess what…. Perfect hygiene! I’m one of 2 so not biased here.

I'm last of 5, husband middle of 6. We both loved growing our large families (each in a 3 bedroomed house, oh the humanity!)

There was 7 years between my oldest sibling and me, so I wasn't raised by them, but my mum was a capable and resourceful SAHM, who went back to work when i was about 10 or so. I do remember us all being around the table together, we ate together every night.

My husband and I wanted a big family, decided we were too tired after 3 as little one wasn't a good sleeper. If they had slept better number 4 would probably be on the way.

Our (nuclear) family is fun of love and laughter, the children play together and rush to comfort each other if someone falls.

When we get together with the wider families it's even more fun. Family sizes range from 0 to 4 children.

Edited to add that we all brush our teeth twice a day!