To be so indecisive about birth?

[forgotthewords]

I’m going round in circles and need to decide so I can start to prep.

I’m due to give birth in one of the busiest months of the year. I am low risk at the moment. Everyone I know of who has had a baby in the last 2 years at my hospital has not had a fantastic experience, apart from one person who had a Caesarean due to breech position. The others have mainly experienced failed inductions, poor postpartum care, and traumatic births to the point of needing debriefs and in some cases physiotherapy.

I understand that straightforward births can and do happen, but statistics say that’s less than 40% of the time for a first time mum. A larger proportion than this either have assisted deliveries, or inductions that are lengthy, painful and fail resulting in EMCS. A remaining smaller percentage elect for a section.

I am wondering about maternal request section and how that might be for me. Sections carry risk for future pregnancy, and a longer recovery time. I imagine they must be very painful afterwards. Planning one seems like the 2nd most desirable option after a vaginal delivery though? Predictability to an extent, avoids the risk of an emergency situation. To me it removes layers of ‘unknown’. I could deal with the unknown better if I trusted maternity care in this country more but the fact is I just don’t, not after reading the reports and knowing it’s a nationwide crisis. It seems like a coin flip situation anyway where you’re actually relatively likely to need an emergency section, which seems the worst of all worlds.

I have been recommended to look into hypnobirthing. I have looked, and may consider a course but ultimately I feel like a positive vaginal birth comes down to luck and chance and a lot of factors that are unknown until you’re actually having the baby.

Posting I suppose to see others’ birth experiences, ideally recently, so I can inform myself slightly more.

Same here… Induced at 40 +10 days at my insistence, 7hrs from induction to birth, straightforward birth with no interventions required beyond an epidural at my request (inductions can be quick so ask early if you think you might want an epidural as they depend on availability of anaesthetists), but I would have survived without one, and would have been induced again happily if needed. I think in the end there really is no plan however much you think you have one! C-Sections are major surgery and not to be taken lightly but my sister had two (planned because of where she was living) and all fine there… Priority is and should always be best for mum and baby on the day so plan what you can, and be prepared to change it if needed… I think the two main conversations had beforehand with husband were pain relief (if needed/wanted) and priority of life if anything went catastrophically wrong (mum or baby).. beyond that we knew from friends experiences that the plan often goes out of the window! Good luck.. you hear about the horror stories but for most women it’s a good outcome regardless of method!

I've had two c sections and I've breezed through recovery. Better than my sisters straightforward vaginal births.

I had no pain after either. Thought the first time I got lucky but the second was even better. I wanted to do housework the day after I got home but knew not to! I was on pain medication so no doubt that helped but if you keep on top of your pain meds you might have an experience like me, it's not a long slog recovery for everyone.

I'm old and not as fit as I'd like to be so it was a surprise to me.

I should say both were ELCS so that probably helped somewhat.

You need to put yourself in a position that makes you feel in control and you know your rights. This is where hypnobirthing can help immensely. Look at the positive birthing company or the naked doula on Instagram. It's not necessarily down to luck but you knowing you can do this! (Obviously each person is different). Stay calm, breath, get your oxytocin flowing, know your rights and stats around certain things ie sweeps, induction etc . You got this! Talk to your midwife about your concerns. If your hospital doesn't have a good rep, is there another one or a midwife led centre you can go to?

I had home births for all mine. I didn't need pain relief except trying TENS for my first because it felt manageable without. I'm not sure it would have been same in hospital. I had one midwife visit through the day to check how things were progressing who then stayed once I reached a certain point. A second midwife also attended for the actual birth so me and baby had someone caring for each of us. I chose home birth for my first two pregnancies because we didn't have a car and hospital was two bus rides away and I didn't fancy trying that in labour. Taxi was very expensive due to distance and we didn't have a load of money at that time. My second two I chose home births because I had had such positive experiences the first two times. It was just as well with my second as she was a very fast birth, about half hour from waters breaking which had been my first real sign I was in labour. Midwife arrived as she was crowning but all the equipment was ready in the house as they drop off a pack a couple weeks before due date.

I’ve had four induced births. I won’t count the first one as I already knew the baby was going to be still born at 41 weeks, so that would be traumatic regardless. The other three were all inductions at 38 weeks. They were all completely fine. Even in a busy London hospital. Even though they said I wasn’t looking favourable for induction. Even though the first one was forceps. It was alright. Induction isn’t always a disaster.

I'v had wo vaginal births wwith no problems at all. Why put yourself through a C Section major op with longer recovery taking time away from you bonding properly with your child.

C sections don't affect bonding with your child! Honestly some of the crap on birth threads makes me so angry.

Baby was in my arms within 3 minutes and stayed there whilst I was sewed up. Recovery was very very quick!

I held my babies feeling calm and pain free, having not endured the pain and exhaustion of labour and after a night of sleep (as much as you can have when 9m pregnant).

Haven't read replies but I'm a midwife (not in Uk). Just to say not all assisted deliveries are traumatic for one.

But I'd say if going with a vaginal birth, if you can avoid unnecessary induction, labour at home for as long as possible, active birth, they all help move you towards a low risk vaginal birth.

I had my baby 10 weeks ago. I could have written your post myself a few months ago!

I really didn't want an induction because of all the horror stories so I waited for spontaneous labour which finally came at 41 weeks. When I called into the hospital, they warned me that they were really busy with a full waiting room but to come in anyway because I hadn't felt much movement. When I got there I was already 4cm dilated. Ideally I wanted a water birth with gas and air, but they were so busy there was no room in the birthing centre and I had to go through to the delivery suite.

18 hours, 2 failed epidurals, one failed spinal block, a hormone drip, a night on remifentanil and what felt like the entire hospital's supply of gas and air, and they finally gave in to me begging for a C/S. When they took me through to theatre, I was still only 7cm.

It turned out that not only was my daughter a big baby (8lbs9oz) but she was also back to back, and which halted progression and made the contractions more painful. If I hadn't fought for a C/S I would have been there for god knows how long in excruciating pain and me and my baby would have been at serious risk.

This is one of the best women's hospitals in the country. I had a very easy pregnancy besides my baby being breach, but they successfully turned her in utero and I was otherwise low risk on all counts. But my birthing experience was a nightmare regardless. Everything that I didn't want to happen, happened.

With regards to recovery from the C/S, I actually don't think it was that bad. Pain relief was well managed initially and then not required. It takes longer to recover, I still have a little numbness around the incision site 10 weeks later. But honestly the hardest thing was that my partner wasn't allowed to stay past 7pm in the hospital, and getting up and down to see to my baby. As long as you take it easy and have a supportive partner you'll be fine. Obviously the C/S comes with extra risks but it's such a common surgery these days I personally feel like it's actually the safer option at this point.

If we ever decide to have another child, 100% I will be asking for a planned C/S. You get your appointment, you wait your turn, the baby is out in 5 minutes (half hour to sew back up again though) and you can enjoy your baby without all the hours and pain and exhaustion that comes from labour. I hear it's really quite a relaxed experience.

Having said all that. One thing that someone told me when I was asking the same questions is that regardless of what happens, when you come out the other side and have your baby in your arms - you don't really care anymore, and everything feels worth it.

Good luck with everything!

Also an elective C/S means no pain while peeing or fear of having sex again after! (though you still bleed for a few weeks)

I had a TENS machine and lots of hot baths at the hospital. I was induced but it didn't work. I could have had gas and air but they forgot to offer it!

I was having a vaginal birth naturally but needed a C-section in the final stages as the baby got stuck. I opted for a spinal as the thought of an epidural made me feel sick.

Things I knew I wanted: A TENS machine, some music and a spinal if I needed a section. (It's not hugely painful afterwards and I've heard horror stories of tears so I escaped that.) I don't think you have to write a big plan - it tends to go out of the window anyway.

Just consider pain relief options really.

Ultimately Mother Nature gets a much bigger vote than you do. Neither of my births went at all according to plan, but both of my adult children are happy and healthy. Plan, but be prepared to be flexible.

Absolutely this! Same as me and would choose vaginal birth every time! Wishing you the best of luck

These experts, you mean? https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-67238868.amp

the account I shared is ran by an actual midwife not a “random expert”, who left the NHS after witnessing first hand how they systematically sabotaged women’s birth. It’s your job not mine to educate yourself on why and how this happens so frequently.

@amispeakingintongues it doesn't matter if she's an ex midwife or not, she doesn't have access to OPs medical history and neither do you.

I had no plans for my births, if I have a plan in mind and can’t stick to it then that bothers me more. In the end I did accept a sweep on 40 weeks with first, turned out baby was very big and was swimming in own poo so although in active labour I got the drip to speed it up. It suddenly went very fast and yes was painful. I just had gas and air. Long story short, she got stuck and needed episiotomy and kiwi delivery (I had already put in my notes ventouse/kiwi over forceps). With episiotomy I had a local so didn’t feel the intense burn of delivery. Recovery was excellent! All over in 7 hours start to finish.

Second baby had a sweep at 39 weeks, spent next day at home with cramps but totally manageable. Wasn’t till midnight I felt it was time to go in. Got to the hospital at 1:15 and gave birth 1:34. He absolutely shot out and caused third degree tearing as so quick. Needed general surgery immediately after to repair (spinal block didn’t work). Recovery was a bit slower as tearing was uncontrolled so more stitches than episiotomy but overall fine.

Even after both of those I’d 100% go for vaginal again. C sections are major surgery and I wanted to have the best chance of being back to myself quickest and be able to do as much for me/baby after as I could

I have booked my second c section in for October. I had one at 34 weeks in 2020 due to preeclampsia. I had to deliver a baby at 20 weeks last year and don't want to go through a vaginal delivery again. I also don't want to risk ripping my genitals open when I've already had a c section and found recovery fine. We all experience pain/recovery differently and I don't like the uncertainties of a vaginal birth.