To be so indecisive about birth?

[forgotthewords]

I’m going round in circles and need to decide so I can start to prep.

I’m due to give birth in one of the busiest months of the year. I am low risk at the moment. Everyone I know of who has had a baby in the last 2 years at my hospital has not had a fantastic experience, apart from one person who had a Caesarean due to breech position. The others have mainly experienced failed inductions, poor postpartum care, and traumatic births to the point of needing debriefs and in some cases physiotherapy.

I understand that straightforward births can and do happen, but statistics say that’s less than 40% of the time for a first time mum. A larger proportion than this either have assisted deliveries, or inductions that are lengthy, painful and fail resulting in EMCS. A remaining smaller percentage elect for a section.

I am wondering about maternal request section and how that might be for me. Sections carry risk for future pregnancy, and a longer recovery time. I imagine they must be very painful afterwards. Planning one seems like the 2nd most desirable option after a vaginal delivery though? Predictability to an extent, avoids the risk of an emergency situation. To me it removes layers of ‘unknown’. I could deal with the unknown better if I trusted maternity care in this country more but the fact is I just don’t, not after reading the reports and knowing it’s a nationwide crisis. It seems like a coin flip situation anyway where you’re actually relatively likely to need an emergency section, which seems the worst of all worlds.

I have been recommended to look into hypnobirthing. I have looked, and may consider a course but ultimately I feel like a positive vaginal birth comes down to luck and chance and a lot of factors that are unknown until you’re actually having the baby.

Posting I suppose to see others’ birth experiences, ideally recently, so I can inform myself slightly more.

I agree with the PPs that have said spontaneous vaginal, CS and then induction as a priority order. If you really want to book in a CS, then I'd suggest pushing it back to 42 weeks. That way you've given your baby plenty of time to arrive on its own timeline.

I had to stand really firm against consultants that kept trying to persuade me to go for an induction once I was a week overdue. I suspect this is due to it being easier for the hospital to manage their short-staffed wards as they essentially schedule births. I held out until 13 days over, when my baby arrived. It was a straightforward labour and we were both fine.

Who are you to suggest this is unnecessary surgery?

Thank you everyone, I’ve read through all your comments. Really useful insight and lots to think of!

Sounds like its all been covered op, but I just wanted to put one more tick in the vaginal box! both my babies were 'natural' births with just gas and air. I did not fill in a detailed birthing plan, just said, lets start naturally and see how it goes. No birthing pools, no whale music just focus and fingers crossed. Both came out under 12 hours and only when I talked to my friends did I realise how awful it was for some. Its all about genetics! So just go with the flow and keep all options open...

You seem to be quite pragmatic about birthing @forgotthewords and that’s good because you literally have no idea how it will go.

I remember my midwife doing a home visit with my first and she asked me about a birth plan and I said I didn’t have one because I wasn’t going to plan the unplannable and she laughed with relief and said that’s always the best approach.

All my kids ended up being ECS and I’m glad. It’s a good idea to inform yourself and a great idea to keep an open mind. The less fixated you are on a ‘plan’ then the easier you will find it.

Congratulations!

My daughter gave birth in May in the US and kept telling me she didn't want pain medicine and had a birth plan she wanted me and her husband to follow. I explained you can plan all you want until it happens you just don't know how your body and baby will respond. She had a epidural and only needed one and was happy with her choice.

Placental function slows down after 38 weeks. Pushing it out to 42 weeks is not good obstetric practice regardless of what you have been told.

I was induced with my first, it was fantastic and my shortest labour! 2nd and 3rd were spontaneous labours and were also really good experiences. 2nd was also a busy time in the hospital as he was a September baby. My advice would be read up about labour and what to expect, there are soma fabulous recommendations on this thread. Advocate for yourself and never leave anything off the table. If, after getting all the information you can, you still feel it's too much, then go down the ELCS route if that's what you feel most comfortable with. There is always an element of the unknown with childbirth, but the vast majority of people all get through it ok. Sometimes things don't go to plan and it's OK to struggle with that too. The best you can do is educate yourself, make the right choice for you and then run with it. Not saying it'll all be plain sailing, fingers crossed it will be, but at least if your certain in your first decision, dealing with anything else will be from a stronger starting position.

I was absolutely terrified of giving birth and I had no idea what to write on my birth plan other than that I didn’t want anyone in the room other than my partner and the midwives/doctors 🤷‍♀️😂 I can’t cope with pain at all so the idea of pushing a baby out of me was just unimaginable 😬🫣

I ended up having an emergency C-section so I didn’t have any labour/contractions ect. The needle going into my back and the horrible itching afterwards was the worst parts of it all. Getting up and out of bed for the first time was painful but they had me walking upstairs in the hospital by day 3 and I went home not needing any pain medication.

I am 100% certain that for my next child I will be asking for an elective c-section. It is still weird to me now (almost 3 years later) that I had no labour and didn’t ‘give birth’ in the ‘normal’ way but I think with my lack of ability to deal with pain and the panic I would have probably felt having to push it worked out for the best and was the best decision for both me and baby 🥰

1 EMCS and 1 ELCS. The most painful part of both my experiences was breastfeeding with cracked nipples afterwards! I had great births and would do it again in a heartbeat as both were amazing experiences. Postpartum care not so much unfortunately.

Well I had forceps in a planned C.

Honestly there’s pros and cons to both.

I agree completely with OP analysis and I myself went for the hedge your bets middle case scenario of planned C. It makes the most sense if your going to be statistical and logical.

But my C was not simple. Even though planned and entirely normal/ healthy. Turns out I had been having a silent labour and babe was very much coming imminently! Had to be pulled the other way out of my pelvis which is a rare complication even for those in late emergency Cs.

As a result of this my recovery was horrendous. The pain was unreal. I had rare complication of nerve damage from the epidural. But in the long term I have recovered perfectly. Nerve damage was thankfully temporary. Babe not affected by forceps. Externally it looks like I have healed incredibly well from the C (no idea about internally). Forever grateful to my surgeon. She had the skills of a god meets a seamstress.

But now I am pregnant with number 2 and knowing what I know now. It’s really no picnic and I am not looking forward to it. But I will be doubling down on the C-area damage rather than risking my genitals also.

This all sounds very negative and I’m not trying to say that. I’m trying to be realistic because my biggest issue after when I felt like I had been run over by a bus with potential permanent damage was the idea that ‘I had consented to doing this to myself’; which idiot would do that!

Is that easier or not than someone who has a bad birth or c against their will. Probably not. But it stings in a unique way.

Im going round in circles here but I’m trying to say if you can make peace with being someone who goes with the flow then that might be the best way to find a balance between control and accepting the luck element/ chaos of birth. There is a chance you are someone who births perfectly. And if that’s the case then all the births after will likely be much easier than if you had a plan C.

Goodluck. I get it’s an impossible decision when you have no experience of any option.

I chose an ELCS years ago, and no regrets. I did only have one DC in the end however. The procedure and recovery were great. ( I was out and about shopping after about 4 days albeit with a bit of help, and the worst pain I remember ( after day 2 when I was still in hospital and the heavy duty pain relief had worn off, which was admittedly pretty bad) was turning over in bed at night for a few days- although still not as uncomfortable as when 8-9 months pregnant! I would 100% choose that again.
My advice - research, research, research and advocate for yourself to get whatever you feel is best for you.

I had two babies due in September. I had two ELCS. My reasoning being that an uncomplicated VB is the safest method of delivery followed by ELCS then assisted VB then EMCS. You cannot guarantee an uncomplicated VB. So I opted for the next safest delivery that I could guarantee.
My chances of an uncomplicated VB were further reduced by the fact I have a health condition that would have required an induction no later than 38 weeks.

More than happy with my decision. Easy recovery both times and with my second I had DD on the Tuesday morning and was home on Wednesday.

You may be in for an uphill battle for an ELCS in some areas. I wouldn’t assume it will actually be an option for you.

Personally I would be very wary of any interference. Get into the mindset that you could be pregnant for 42+ weeks. Look at ways to get baby into optimal position for birth. The vast majority of traumatic births seem to be caused by induction and/or poorly positioned babies. Be aware that medicine is practiced defensively and that stats can be manipulated. It is your responsibility to be informed.

@ChubSeedsYorkie I could've written the first part of your post. I also had an (unplanned) induction which failed because I wanted to protect my mental health. I felt silly telling the drs this at the time but it'd been 48 hrs with contractions every 3 minutes and nothing happening, apart from them having to give me an injection of something bc baby's heart rate became erratic! For me that was me accepting my body wasn't playing ball. I found the vaginal examinations excruciating as well because even though I wasn't dilating, my baby's head was super far down apparently (midwives kept complaining their arms were hurting during the examinations?!)

Anyway, the point I wanted to make to OP is that ultimately it's what would be best for you. My c section recovery hasn't been easy and tbh I think I've been unlucky that way, being fit and healthy beforehand it has not been how I'd expected it to be, but that's another risk you take.

I've had an emcs and an elective section. The emcs itself was fine, it was the treatment throughout my labour and after on the postnatal ward that caused issues. After my awful experience first time around I was adamant that I'd only have an elective and was supported by my trust's trauma midwife. A lot of this centered around control and consent, which were both lacking with my first experience. The elective was an amazing experience and the whole birth and treatment around it was extremely healing. Pain was bearable with regular painkillers and I was mobile that evening. Absolutely no issues with bonding after either of my sections. I'd fully recommend to anyone if they believe it is the right choice for them. Whatever you choose I hope you have a lovely birth experience.

Naturally it comes down to the individual. At my hospital you have regular scans once you reach 41 weeks to check that the placenta is functioning as it should. I wouldn't schedule an early CS without knowing that my placenta was not functioning well. At it stands, mine was perfectly fine with only minor calcificiation.

@HamHands I had a similar situation where I was told I needed to speak to a consultant to confirm I was ‘refusing’ a (completely unnecessary) induction. I think they like inductions as it can be scheduled to suit them and gets a patient off their books sooner

Please do not listen to the people saying you don’t get much choice. I highly recommend a home birth, join the home birth support UK Facebook group it is fantastic for advice! You’re more likely to face problems when you have a hospital birth because they interfere so much. It is your body and your baby, you can do as you please!

I really didn’t want a c section with my first but the hospital really listened to this and respected it when she was 9 pounds and back to back! I ended up wanting an epidural as the pain was so bad and he was birthed in theatre with forceps and a ventuse. However I didn’t have any complications from this and am very glad I didn’t have to have a c section. I went on to have a second baby and the birth was amazing! Quick vaginal birth with no time for pain relief!

I’ve had a C section and it was absolutely amazing. Didn’t feel any pain or discomfort at all during the section. Had some pain for which I was given painkillers after it. Walked out of the hospital after 24 hours, could walk just fine, got back to swimming after 4 weeks and started running again after 6 weeks. The scar was minimal and my pelvic floor never suffered from anything.

Please look at hypnobirthing. It calms you.

I can’t fault the care on both occasions, before and after.

My first I went to a birthing centre and then was transferred to hospital where I later ended up having an Emergency C-Section. Aftercare - the Nurses were lovely, I was given my own room. I chose to go home the next day. I was in a lot of pain but managed.

My second I opted for a planned C-Section for a few reasons. This was much more relaxed and I was awake this time. Recovery was much better, painkiller for a few days. Aftercare, again Nurses were lovely, I got my own room again and I chose to go home again the next day. No where near as much pain that time.

I appreciate this is only my experience but care wise, I had no complaints at all.

All I can say is go with your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t feel like it’s your only choice.

I had 2 vaginal home water births.

First one (in September) was 24 hours long, had gas & air for the last 40-50 mins and a TENS from maybe 10 hours in. There'd been some concerns about placenta previa but by full term it appeared ok. There was a bit of worry afterwards when some 'extra encouragement' was required to deliver the afterbirth, but otherwise it went well, and midwives reckoned that being in the water prevented tears. So recovery was very quick.

Second birth was much quicker, around 4 hours, again with gas and air for the last 20 minutes or so and mostly without the midwife there; she arrived pretty much in time to catch my daughter as she emerged!

I was extremely fortunate that my midwives were so on board with my birthing plan and got training in water births so they could support me well. It wasn't very common then. I loved being at home but would have accepted a hospital water birth if necessary. I would have been supported in a small community hospital (unless something went very wrong), where I'd have known all the midwives and doctors, and it would have been a lot more laid back than a DGH. Having said that, I don't know if that would still be an option with staffing levels now, and with the centralisation of services.

Check the number of women suffering with a prolapse after a vaginal birth - sometimes prolapse happens years afterwards. I had 3 vaginal births when xhoice was bever mentioned. If i was giving birth today, if possible, I'd have a caesar every time.