To be so indecisive about birth?

[forgotthewords]

I’m going round in circles and need to decide so I can start to prep.

I’m due to give birth in one of the busiest months of the year. I am low risk at the moment. Everyone I know of who has had a baby in the last 2 years at my hospital has not had a fantastic experience, apart from one person who had a Caesarean due to breech position. The others have mainly experienced failed inductions, poor postpartum care, and traumatic births to the point of needing debriefs and in some cases physiotherapy.

I understand that straightforward births can and do happen, but statistics say that’s less than 40% of the time for a first time mum. A larger proportion than this either have assisted deliveries, or inductions that are lengthy, painful and fail resulting in EMCS. A remaining smaller percentage elect for a section.

I am wondering about maternal request section and how that might be for me. Sections carry risk for future pregnancy, and a longer recovery time. I imagine they must be very painful afterwards. Planning one seems like the 2nd most desirable option after a vaginal delivery though? Predictability to an extent, avoids the risk of an emergency situation. To me it removes layers of ‘unknown’. I could deal with the unknown better if I trusted maternity care in this country more but the fact is I just don’t, not after reading the reports and knowing it’s a nationwide crisis. It seems like a coin flip situation anyway where you’re actually relatively likely to need an emergency section, which seems the worst of all worlds.

I have been recommended to look into hypnobirthing. I have looked, and may consider a course but ultimately I feel like a positive vaginal birth comes down to luck and chance and a lot of factors that are unknown until you’re actually having the baby.

Posting I suppose to see others’ birth experiences, ideally recently, so I can inform myself slightly more.

It shouldn’t even be possible to choose a c section without necessity. A normal birth is always the starting point and a c section is a last resort.

I went into labour naturally at 41+1. I couldn’t handle the pain so my home water birth went out the window. All set up but I couldn’t drag myself in there. Went to hospital, had gas and air and vomited everywhere. The pain was so utterly intense I begged for an epidural.
I had a very complex birth plan written up (oh sweet summer child). I had stated that I didn’t want to be put on a drip, I didn’t want invasive interventions, I wished to remain as covered as I could be (personal reasons).
Well, about half an hour after the epidural they said my contractions weren't coming quick enough so they were putting me on the drip. I said no. They did it anyway. As I had previously researched, they lost baby's heartbeat on the monitor around my stomach. I told them to stop the drip. They said no, they are putting a clip on her head inside me. I said no. They did it anyway. And to boot, a midwife randomly unclipped my bra suddenly reaching behind my back, without asking and left the room, which made me immediately incredibly uncomfortable. I couldn’t move enough to clip it back together.
My entire labour from first pain to finish point was 26 hours. My maternity notes stated 14 hours. There was no need for them to have intervened like they did, completely unnecessary. Especially considering that this was my first child. That is a very quick labour time.
This was 12 years ago.

Of course it should be possible.

Women should absolutely have choices, especially involving their own bodies. Be it a home birth or an elective c-section.

Excuse you! What are you defining as necessity then? Should it be run by you so that you can approve? All that matters is the choice of the woman giving birth for whatever reasons they have. Who are you to state that?! Keep your rubbish to yourself.

What is a “normal” birth though, and how can you be sure you will have one when the time comes?

My c section last year was classed as elective but to me it was an absolute necessity.

@MidnightPatrol I think you’re allowing your (negative?) feelings about your experience to misinterpret what it is that I’m saying. The OP is trying decide between a vaginal or c section birth. I’m saying that I would choose to have a c section over interventions such as for forceps if it was safe for me and my baby to do so.

Well, aren't we all very fortunate that the powers-that-be who decide these things don't agree with you 😊 I'm particularly delighted as I had an absolutely wonderful, entirely elective C-section with DS1, and am now planning my second. Bliss.

How old are you? I was 38 when I had my only, almost 5 years ago. Private ELCS (he was breech so to a certain extent the choice was made for me). Wouldn’t change a thing but I am a control freak and didn’t fancy the roulette uncertainty of vaginal birth. Or the cattle grid of atrocious post natal care.

I was fit and a healthy weight when I conceived, didn’t gain a great deal of weight while pregnant with him and I think that helped make my post-surgery recovery easier.

choices are available on the NHS: you just need to know how to access them. PM me if you want to talk about it.

God OP, glad you are seeing through the ridiculous posts saying you’re already too late to prepare 🙄I was prepared as they come (read the Milli Hill book, did the hypnobirthing and the yoga, even did the “massage” and felt like asking for a refund from NCT, as I didn’t learn anything new) but my vaginal birth was still awful. I’ll spare you the details but it resulted in surgery, ongoing medical issues, a PTSD diagnosis and a year of therapy from the trauma. But yep, must have been due to my failure to prepare and not down to biology, bad luck and some overrun, tired medical staff making decisions that in hindsight they would change 🙄

I’m still glad I did the prep because 9 months is an awfully long time and it helped me to feel like I was doing something proactive, but ultimately birth will happen whichever way it happens, preparation or not! If you’re the kind of person who likes to have a lot of control then an ELCS might be the best choice for you. I’ve not had one, so I can’t compare experiences, but what I will say is I don’t feel like I gained anything from doing it the “natural” way.

Whichever option you choose, I really hope you have a positive experience. What I’d say with a few years of hindsight is birth is just the start and I wish I’d spent more time on researching what to do once they’re here rather than how they might arrive!

Hi OP- Definitely worth you looking into all of this as I think a lot of women are under informed.

A lot of it is preference: i.e. I personally think I'd rather have an elective c section than an induction via hormone drip. I had a positive, largely unmedicated first birth but passionately believe that women should be able to choose c sections if they want.

As for personal experience, recovery from my vaginal birth was really no big deal. The Freya post birth kit was handy. I've also known women having c sections to recover really quickly and well, too.

Good luck! Hope you enjoy the ride however you decide to proceed!

I don't think it's just about educating yourself, I think it's about being in the best/fittest condition you can before and during pregnancy. The people I know who've had straight forward labours are those who have very active jobs/lifestyles and carried on to be very active throughout pregnancy. Not weight/bmi related I have noticed.

Tbh the two people who had a lousy experience I knew were among some of the fittest and both in their 20s. Whereas my cousin, aged 38, who was high risk because of her weight, had a very straightforward birth

@middleagedandinarage

that’s not true straightforward / challenging labour is mostly down to luck of physiology and babies positioning

@Farmersweeklyreader normal birth is vaginal obviously.

September is the busiest, people plan for their child to be oldest in the school year.

Just to say not all inductions are lengthy mine started at 11am and I gave birth at 1am the next morning all went very smoothly and quickly in the end.

I wish I had that level of organisation (and control !!)

Oh bore off. If a woman chooses an ELCS it’s up to her. How much money does the NHS spend correcting serious birth injuries caused by “normal” vaginal births? A poor colleague of mine is about to have extensive surgery in her 50s and 8 weeks off work because the injuries caused a couple of decades ago in giving birth have got steadily worse to the point she can now hardly walk.

Also, the recent reviews of maternity care in Shrewsbury and Telford (and I think elsewhere) highlighted the “vaginal birth at all costs” mantra to have been a significant factor in maternal and infant deaths and injuries. All of which caused untold suffering and yes, probably millions of pounds in healthcare and other costs. I know someone whose baby was born in Telford during this period and who was denied a CS. Her son has severe disabilities; she and her husband have had to cut down their working hours significantly to care for him, and the whole thing will cost the state an amount I don’t want to think about in compensation and care for him throughout his life.

In short, you’re talking out of your arse.

Yes this.

People don’t want to believe it’s luck and they have control, but you don’t. Sorry - nature is cruel but thank god we live in a time where most people do go on to have a healthy baby because of medical advancement. It’s not perfect but my god it’s better than 100 years ago.

I had an elective c section and it went really well. I had no pain afterwards and I healed very quickly. I wasn’t stressed at all and the whole thing was over so quickly. The only downside to it was that I didn’t have that rush of oxytocin and euphoria that accompanies a vaginal birth. I was pleased and content with my baby but I felt detached from the whole process. Even his cry felt so far away, as if it belonged to a stranger’s baby somewhere else. It wasn’t unpleasant at all, just surprising. It may have impacted on my milk supply, or lack thereof. It took me a week to bond with him.

I am not sure if you are entitled to an ELCS if you are low risk. You could make the case that you are terrified of childbirth and that it would traumatise you. In my case, I have two cervices and two uteri which meant that I would probably only dilate up to 5cm and would need an emergency CS after all. Despite knowing that, they still wanted to induce me and see what would happen. I put my foot down and said that I wanted an ELCS please.

Also, an ELCS is much better for you than an emergency one. They cut you differently and in a safer way when it is elective.

Having had 4 births. I agree with a poster saying education is key. The ability to have real informed consent and informed choice makes a world of difference to agreeing to necessary and unnecessary intervention which is the difference between trauma and no trauma.

I don’t normally comment on birth threads because I know that individual experiences and preferences can be so different!

However, just wanted to add some balance to all the negative stories people seem to have heard about induction (not doubting that these are also true). I’ve been induced twice, and both births were good experiences! The second, in particular, was speedy and lovely and I had showered and eaten a takeaway in time to walk down to the postnatal ward. I know I’m very fortunate - but not all inductions are horrible!

I had a VBAC last weekend having had a planned section for breech last time. I am very pleased I got my VBAC and had I not had to I certainly would not have chosen a section for my babies, as my midwife said even this time, if you go into labour you may as well try it and to me a section would not have been a consideration unless it was a necessity.

If a health professional advised that it wasn't best for baby to go through an elective c-section, who would still go ahead regardless? Has this happened to anyone?