....to think this is too much to charge?

[AmIEnough]

So my 17-year-old DD has a BF (also 17) who she has been with for just over a year and a half now. He spends most of his time at our house, partly due to the fact that his parents have just moved and are currently converting a brick built outbuilding into a bedroom and shower room for him so he doesn't have a bedroom at the moment (he has to sleep in his brother's room).

He has a full time job/apprenticeship so earns a low wage at the moment. I cook for him three or four times per week, the rest of the week they do their own thing. He eats breakfast at ours (tea and toast) and obviously uses the shower. I don't do his washing.

He kindly and quite maturely in my opinion, offered to contribute for the food he is eating. I find anything financial quite awkward to discuss and it was quite surprised given that he is quite a young 17-year-old. He's a very sweet boy and fits in with our family beautifully. I thanked him very much and told him I would discuss it with my husband (who is not my DD's father but treats her really really well).

I have mentioned it to my DH and his response was that yes, that was very kind and it was the right thing to do given that everything is so expensive and that he works so hard to provide a lovely life for us, which he does. When I asked him how much he thought was a suitable contribution, he told me £250 per month.

I think this is way too much given that the cost of one additional meal when you're feeding four people isn't huge.

What do you think would be an agreeable amount given the cost of living and also the financial status of the BF? I just can't envisage going to the BF with this amount and having to go through the toe-curling experience of seeing the shock on his face when I tell him.

Thanks in advance for your input. Any advice on how to navigate this would be very gratefully appreciated

I think its lovely of him to offer and he will probably feel more comfortable contributing. I think a tenner a week would be plenty.

About £40 should be fine

I think if you cant afford to feed him, tell him to go home. He does have a room- he just shares with his brother. He's not homeless.

As he's offered, I'd charge a nominal amount in this situation - say £10 a week.

£250 a week is extortionate!

I agree with £10 a week. It should just be a token gesture really.

£50

If you can afford it, maybe ask for £100 per month not £250. Seem a bit greedy if you can afford it and he's on a low wage

I suppose it depends on how much he eats. According to MN he's likely to be eating 10 chickens, a gross of eggs, 18 gallons of milk and 15 loaves of bread a week so what he pays should at least cover his food bill.

What other expenses does he have? As an apprentice he'll be earning close to £1k pm minimum so he does have money to cover his costs and have fun money too.

£250 pm might be a bit much, but a tenner a week is just silly. £100-150 is probably in the right ball park. If he doesn't like it he can always go back to sharing with his brother.

£250 is wildly OTT, he can’t be using that much extra in food/electricity etc.

I’d agree with £10-15 pw.

£25 per week seems reasonable to me

If he hadn't asked and been so responsible about it, I'd have approached HIM and asked for 50 quid a week or so.

However, in recognition of his maturity I'd say a nominal amount would be absolutely fine. Do charge something, as it's something we all have to learn that we don't get things for free.

A fiver or tenner.

Can't see the point of charging him £10 a week. Unless he eats significantly less than my DS, it's really not covering his food.

About £100-£150 a month is probably more reflective of what it actually costs to have him at yours in addition to your normal costs.

I think £100 a month is fair, and he sounds like a nice lad wanting to do the right thing

I’d say thanks for the offer and request him to spend the money on taking your dd out somewhere nice once a month.

I think you are straying into dangerous territory here. He isn't your lodger. He is a guest who you host a lot! If you can't afford to feed him four times a week then cut this back. In any event 250 is too much.

Max £100/month.

It is not £250 a week, that's a month.
However, I think it's still too much. £100-£150 seems reasonable to me.

Also he is only there half the week.

£250 for showers and 3/4 meals a week is crazy. Your DH is being ridiculous.

I don't think you should charge him anything.

At the moment he stays the odd day and eats some food. If you start charging him it's going to send the message that he can stay there more, and you may end up with him there every night.

I would either not charge him anything, or invite him to move in officially and full time until his room is ready and change a set amount for that.

The way you explain it leaves too much room for interpretation and things could go very wrong

I personally wouldn't ask him to move in as I wouldn't let my teenager live with a partner on my home, I think it's more important for them to have a safe space of their own where they can be alone if they want to

£250 is WAY too much in my opinion. That would be making a significant profit out of the meals for a low wage 17 year old, your DH is wrong.

£100 a month seems fair to me

It is, but not what her DH suggested which was £250 per month...

But I agree with others this is still too much, £100-150 sounds about right. Less if he wants to pitch in with the usual chores and cooking?

£20-25 is really a token amount but it is a contribution for three days a week.

If you aren’t buying additional food in for him and he is no bother and you are cooking for three already you can easily stretch to four.

£100 a month

I was thinking £10 a week. He’s 17 but if he’s offered then I think it’s a good dynamic to let him contribute a token amount.

£250….😮