....to think this is too much to charge?

[AmIEnough]

So my 17-year-old DD has a BF (also 17) who she has been with for just over a year and a half now. He spends most of his time at our house, partly due to the fact that his parents have just moved and are currently converting a brick built outbuilding into a bedroom and shower room for him so he doesn't have a bedroom at the moment (he has to sleep in his brother's room).

He has a full time job/apprenticeship so earns a low wage at the moment. I cook for him three or four times per week, the rest of the week they do their own thing. He eats breakfast at ours (tea and toast) and obviously uses the shower. I don't do his washing.

He kindly and quite maturely in my opinion, offered to contribute for the food he is eating. I find anything financial quite awkward to discuss and it was quite surprised given that he is quite a young 17-year-old. He's a very sweet boy and fits in with our family beautifully. I thanked him very much and told him I would discuss it with my husband (who is not my DD's father but treats her really really well).

I have mentioned it to my DH and his response was that yes, that was very kind and it was the right thing to do given that everything is so expensive and that he works so hard to provide a lovely life for us, which he does. When I asked him how much he thought was a suitable contribution, he told me £250 per month.

I think this is way too much given that the cost of one additional meal when you're feeding four people isn't huge.

What do you think would be an agreeable amount given the cost of living and also the financial status of the BF? I just can't envisage going to the BF with this amount and having to go through the toe-curling experience of seeing the shock on his face when I tell him.

Thanks in advance for your input. Any advice on how to navigate this would be very gratefully appreciated

Are his parents ok with him spending so much time at yours?

I would not be happy if my 17yr old starting paying rent elsewhere if he hadn't officially moved out!

Definitely less than £50 a week.

£50 a month is fine. Or there about. Maybe £60.

£250 is ridiculous! What an odd suggestion from Dh!

My son is embarking on an apprenticeship in September, is working full time at McDonald’s during the summer and the agreed contribution is £150/month until he doubles his income once he completes his first year qualification.

He will be taking home around £1300/mth in that first year (including a McDonald’s shift a couple of times per month).

It’s not rent though, it’s simply a contribution to the household costs, energy/wifi/council tax/food/water etc. etc.

What a lovely lad...£50 a week maybe....up to you. What he suggested is ott

I think a lot will depend on how much you spend on food and how much he eats.

A lot of the food we eat is quite expensive. I am going to sound pretentious now but we eat a lot of fish, organic veg, posh cheese. We also get sourdough from the bakery so even the morning toast wouldn't be cheap. Feeding an extra adult 4x a week would definitely cost me a lot more than a £10/week.

But of course you can cook much more cheaply

I also wouldn't compare it to what you charge your own adult children - many parents are happy to subsidise their own child, or in the DH's case stepchild, but wouldn't want to subsidise a 17 year old boyfriend who very likely isn't going to be a long term fixture

I was thinking £50 a week tops.

I'd be careful. If you let him pay then he might think he can come round more iyswim. He'll perhaps think that if he pays then he's entitled. I'd charge him £25 a week, or ask him for supermarket vouchers, and ask
Him and DD to buy and cook a Sunday roast once a month as well. Or do some gardening.

When you say they do their own thing do you mean they use food that is in the house?

Yes, I had considered this. I don't want to end up loosing my daughter...
Thanks for your input. It is good to have my thoughts validated

It sounds like it's worth a chat with your husband.

I don't think you will lose your daughter if you ask her to dial down the amount of time her boyfriend spends at your house. But I grew up in the 90s where none of us as teens would have had a boyfriend or girlfriend around that often.

This is exactly why I don’t want to charge £250 per month because if he hadn’t offered it at all, he wouldn’t be paying anything or at least a lot less. I don’t want him to feel persecuted because he has stepped up and done the right thing. Thanks very much for your comments.

My DH actually suggested that if I asked the question on Mumsnet I would likely find that most people think he should be charged £400-£450 pm!!

For a few meals and no overnight stays? What world is your DH living in?!

He’s not earning a lot of money so I think £10 a week would be acceptable, if you do decide to accept his offer.

He sounds like a really nice lad.

I do cook the occasional steak and the occasional roast dinner but mainly it’s things like chicken fajitas, spaghetti Bolognese, chilli, pesto pasta, chicken stirfry. He doesn’t take advantage, doesn’t help himself to a lot of our food, he’s very respectful.

He does stay over but I only feed him 3-4 times per week

Yes, this. Thank you for your comment x

Well he is clearly wrong.

I was horrified!

I reckon around £20 pw

I did and he suggested £100 per month

I agree

He is x