Pulled up for “picking on someone at work”.

[ThunderRoadRunner]

I’ve been on holiday for a few weeks, and will be going back to work on Monday. I’m dreading it.

For the last couple of days before I went on holiday I lost it at work. In all my working days, which amounts to a few decades, I’ve never lost my temper.

It centred around a number of new-ish people we have in our dept. They’ve been there about 6 months. They literally do no work, do not hand over any completed work and even just leave things in the sink for other people to wash up after them etc.

I and another colleague have assertively asked them about the handovers, ask them to clean up their mess, and point out that work has not been done, which means I and a few others end up doing it. This is done professionally. However, I came in a couple of days before I went on vacation and was told there were formal complaints about “being picked on”.

I just lost it.

WIBU to expect colleagues to do their share? After all, it’s the rest of us that end up picking up the slack.

Also, I really want to go back to work with a strategy that involves me not picking up the slack for others on top of my own stressful job. Any tips?

As @lazyarse123 says, who wants to work in a midden?

I can’t believe some people seem unable/unwilling to understand that the OP’s managers want the team to act like mature adults and manage themselves. That’s only possible if they all produce similar outputs. It sounds like some newer colleagues behave like lazy teenagers. It’s hardly surprising then that someone who is diligent with their work, and clean and tidy in the shared spaces would get very fed up, and perhaps just once, lose their cool.

Good luck with the meeting OP, some good advice from some posters.

Stop doing work for them, don't clean up after them and leave them well alone. The entire workforce will end up getting angry and the problem will resolve itself. It just takes more time and patience.

Just to clarify a few things.

Work colleagues not pulling their weight are generally youngish - out of college or just graduated. I didn’t want to come across as ageist.

I didn’t “ lose it” to them directly. A few of my colleagues and I asked if they could please have X,Y and Z ready for when we next came in. We asked one of them if they could empty their bin as it was overflowing on the floor, and we pointed out that we’d shown them how to do something a few times, and could they not ask us to do it for them again.

When I next came in, I was told there had been complaints made about a few of us about picking on them. I “lost it” in front of some of my work colleagues, but this didn’t include the work shy ones. I got angry, I didn’t swear. I got angry TBH on behalf of those who work really hard and had been accused of picking on them.

I’m going to read through all the responses again, as they are actually really helpful.

I know this isn't the exact situation, but how I have interpreted what is really getting you super frustrated to the point you lost it is that you work part time, but fulltime colleagues take the piss when you are not in work till the Wednesday and do nothing to contribute to the shared project, which has led to you coming in on the Wednesday and finding yourself basically doing fulltime work in parttime hours leaving you frustrated and burnt out and the final straw was seeing that they don't even bother to clean up after themselves. Unfortunately these lazy individuals have enjoyed this status quo so much that they're irritated that you've spoken up and they are using your blow up to evidence your so called bullying and they clearly figure that even though they'll likely have to pull their weight soon they can at least punish you for it in a petty underhand way. The management always have to respond to bullying claims and it doesn't mean they truly believe it they are likely just covering themselves so calmly state the issues and very neatly and prettily apologise for your outburst while ensuring it is clear from the things said that this outburst was because of the stress of meeting targets with minimal team help and also perhaps drop in about visiting your doctor because of stress or if you don't want to say you've been if you haven't you could instead say you've been thinking about seeing your doctor because of how the stressful environment at
Work is effecting your health and wellbeing xxx

Also if you really want to hammer home the point while looking as virtuous as possible then make it so that your point is not frustration about your annoyance and definitely avoid naming or singling out certain colleagues because that won't be truly effective. Its much better fir you to state how you enjoy your job and doing it to the best of your ability and you are burning yourself out to ensure the company doesn't suffer the brunt and you are concerned that if you end up unable to continue giving your all because of burnout and stress you are worried the company will end up suffering and it was with that in mind that caused your outburst. Honestly It is much harder for management to unfairly try to brush the issue away and they won't have the rope they would have if you simply named and shamed the colleagues and shared your annoyances such as the washing up. I advice you to avoid including that in your arguments as they are already valid enough and you don't want the management to wrongly label you as the petty one. I know you're not by the way but management teams under duress will likely look unfavourably on complaints that don't impact productivity in the workplace xx

Oh and I forgot to mention how sly colleagues could twist the washing up issue by dressing it up as they were too busy working to have time during work hours to wash their cups etc and that would imply you were more interested in washing up and mskkmg note of who hasn't washed up to truly be doing all the extra work you say you have been doing. I know it's awful but if they are so determined to make you the bad guy and pretend you're bullying them rather than trying to raise issues about sharing the workload fairly then they'll not hesitate to use anything to try to make you look unreasonable xxx

So you didn't lose it, at all. You expressed your irritation to another colleague. No issue at all.

You can make plans about how to address this when you get back involving your manager and HR if necessary to get these employees to do what they are supposed to do .

People on here latch on to things said to emphasise the emotional intensity like you saying you 'lost it' and act like it was meant in a literal way and then revel in telling that person already under stress how unreasonable they have been and they of course weave in other things said as though it backs up their version. Then another person will quote it and back it up and then you've got a whole thread inside a thread going on where the twisted version becomes accepted by many people as they've not rtft or have edited out the things that conflict with the twisted version. It's just online politics on a site where you can get away with saying some really bitchy things xxx

The only people acting like lazy teenagers are the managers, who seem to want other people to manage, but without the appropriate pay grade.

They aren't managers and shouldn't be managing, they aren't being paid to manage and half the team isn't working due to not being managed by the paid management. Is it any wonder people in the team are losing it when the work is being piled up upon them with no support from management

We all spend every day “managing “people that’s how life and work works. I took it to mean that if you have an issue with someone you first talk to that person like an adult. Now that doesn’t always work as in this case but that’s the theory.

If you have an issue with someone at work the correct process is to take that to your manager, that is what the manager is there to do - it's part of their job to manage people that aren't completing their tasks.

If everyone was behaving in an adult fashion and doing their work and tiding up after themselves - no peer would be having any issue

I’ve worked in teams with very hands off management. It works well if everyone is capable, focused and grown up. But it only takes one who is lazy, unhelpful, incapable or unpleasant to upset the equilibrium. Some people, unfortunately, have to be micro managed!

How did it go today@ThunderRoadRunner

I’m back to work on Monday.

The bit about dealing with peers and "not involving management"? Poor. Thats a sign of poor leadership. Management are there to manage people.

If you arrive on a wednesday and work has not been done, report it immediately in a neutral way in a context of managing expectations. Eg

Hi Manager
Im picking up project x and unfortunately a, b & c haven't yet been done so i'll have to do those before i can get on with d & e. This will take until Friday so I will not be able to deliver by the end of this week as expected.

Do this every single time you arrive to find work not done. Also after first report, email the people who aren't delivering copy the manager and say:

Hi
I'm planning project x. Please can you confirm by close of business today if a, b and c can be done by wednesday? Please let me know monday afternoon if the work is behind schedule so we can re-plan the timetable.

If they don't reply, send a chaser again with management in copy saying "hi please can you confirm the deadline or let me know when i can expect a, b & c from you?"

Complaints made to whom op?

the issue you have is this could look like bullying, and possibly even feel like it.

is there something else going on here, something management will suspect, do you resent these new starts, I don’t mean for the issues you mention, like not emptying their bins or washing their cups. But for being there in the first place.

it reads like you’re trying to show them you’ve seniority and they should do as you say, when I really don’t think that’s the case.

is there a back story here, habe you started a turf war?

Their manager is the problem for allowing this lack of work to impinge on others - if they've said you're picking on them because things you've mentioned, just turn it back around to their lack of work and tidiness with bins etc - good luck

Don't do the extra work. If work is left undone report it to your manager. Don't do it.

Did you actually bother to read where the OP said that their manager expects them to sort out issues between themselves? Because that is what they are trying to do, resolve the issues without involving management.

To quote the OP's words "We have always been told that we are mature enough to talk to our peers directly about issues, and not involve management." So she is doing exactly what her line manager has told her to do - talking directly to them & NOT involving management.

I can see the situation as being one where the OP has asked nicely, mentioned the issues she (and others) have been having and been ignored and no improvements. On raising this with her manager, they've been told to sort it themselves, so after the 8-10th attempt at getting someone to a) do their work and b) follow acceptable office behaviours she may well have got just a little irritable - and whinged to her other team mates who are having the same issues.

By the way, assertively does NOT mean aggressively. Assertive could be on the lines of "look, this is the 5th week in a row you haven't done the stuff we need & we've had to cover for you, and we've now got maggots in the sink due to things not being cleaned on Monday/Tuesdays, please can you try to pick things up a bit2

I work in hospitality in single person shifts that depend on handovers and people completing mundane daily tasks as part of everyday. It might not be suitable for your job but we solved 90% of these issues with a handover notebook and shift checklists. This definitely falls into the category of micromanaging which I generally hate but it was a necessary evil and it usually works.

Point out that your break has given you clarity and that you are fed up with the lack of accountability by people in the same team as you.

This happened to me and I actually got given a different manager because my relationship with the first one was so broken down.

If work isn't being done, you need to raise it with management along the lines of you having asked for things without deadlines being met or asking for clarity on what their expectations from you are - and don't do the work of others.

Just go to work. Focus on your workload. Do that to a high standard.

something Mel Robbin’s says…let them.

Unless asked for help…let them

offer help if you absolutely can help and build a relationship. People work differently. It will soon show who’s doing the work and who isn’t.

The part that jumped out at me was someone asking you about a task and the response being they have been shown enough times so they need to stop asking for you to do the task.

Now I agree, doing the task for them doesn’t help them learn, but new employees require training. If they can’t ask questions, they can’t improve efficiency. Good training in this situation might be to have them do the task while you watch and answer questions that arise. Then hopefully the next time they won’t need someone to hold their hand the whole time.

if you have not been allocated time to train the new employees or it is not your job to train them, then speak to your manager and let them know the training has been insufficient.

if training is part of your responsibility, then you need to ask yourself if part of this situation is of your own making.

training people is a skill. It actually doesn’t come
easily to everyone, but it can be learned.

I recommend either:

cc your manager into every email and no longer have anything other than small talk in person. Really blunt and clear like

hello,

I am waiting to receive xyz so I can complete xyz by this time as requested by manager. I will be unable to do so if I do not receive this.

thank you,

name

literally every time in a new thread. It’s not bullying, it’s highlighting the issue with receipts.

or

stoo doing their work and if you’re asked why it’s incomplete in an email say you have completed what you are responsible for, xyz was so and sos job

orrrrr

work as hard as they do, get paid the same amount, when anyone asks or questions it say that it was made clear that this is the standard of work expected to you, as you were called up for bullying people into doing more