Pulled up for “picking on someone at work”.

[ThunderRoadRunner]

I’ve been on holiday for a few weeks, and will be going back to work on Monday. I’m dreading it.

For the last couple of days before I went on holiday I lost it at work. In all my working days, which amounts to a few decades, I’ve never lost my temper.

It centred around a number of new-ish people we have in our dept. They’ve been there about 6 months. They literally do no work, do not hand over any completed work and even just leave things in the sink for other people to wash up after them etc.

I and another colleague have assertively asked them about the handovers, ask them to clean up their mess, and point out that work has not been done, which means I and a few others end up doing it. This is done professionally. However, I came in a couple of days before I went on vacation and was told there were formal complaints about “being picked on”.

I just lost it.

WIBU to expect colleagues to do their share? After all, it’s the rest of us that end up picking up the slack.

Also, I really want to go back to work with a strategy that involves me not picking up the slack for others on top of my own stressful job. Any tips?

YOu need to document their lack of work, which is impacting yours and company deadlines, and stop picking up after them. Ask for a meeting with management.

You're in no position to pull them up. Sounds like you were completely in the wrong. Focus on your own job instead of trying to micro manage others who you're not even a manager for!

Well she's already got that coming up.

Unless someone is my manager, husband or parent they shouldn't be "assertively" asking or telling me anything.

If you have concerns with a colleague, raise it with management. It isn't your place to nitpick at others. Yes, it's frustrating when people don't pull their weight, but you aren't in a position to do anything about it, and in trying to, you have made people feel like you are picking on them.

This is the problem I’m afraid. Colleagues on the same level never take well to be told what to do, it’s why line managers exist.

There are always wannabe managers willing to do a manager's work for free, or for a pat on the head.

They never seem to realise that when it goes wrong, because they've stuck their necks out too far, management will throw them straight under the bus.

Stay in your lane unless you're paid to step outside of it.

In the original post the OP said that she is returning after a few weeks' holiday. With luck, in this time, these colleagues will have exposed their lazy ways to their colleagues and managers. And nothing to do with her!
In any event, this is now a good time for a firm re-set of boundaries and expectations with a good dollop of "grey rock" replies thrown in.
Good luck to the OP!

I think it is relatively simple ,- don't pick up the slack for them anymore. If we keep propping up a failing system it never fails and no one needs to act. Let it fail - bit he clear to seniors that's what is happening/has happened. Copy them in to messages where appropriate. I'd say you're doing it to ensure continuity of service given some staff work part time, so manager has an overview.

'Oh, that hasn't been completed, I'm so sorry I handed it over to Bob on Wednesday and it was 90% there. Not sure why he hasnt picked it up.' 'Bob, I have completed XYZ of this report, by Thursday I need you to have completed ABC so I can finish X on Friday. I will not have capacity to also do ABC on Friday so grateful if you can prioritise this please.' Etc.

Use tone appropriate to your industry (be assertive but with appropriate softening eg in my work people make everything very nice and jovial, in my friend's job it is very direct - where is the report wedl agreed you'd send me, grateful if you could get this to me in the next hour please' etc.

Initiate a discussion on ways of working and team culture - include stuff like cleaning up after oneself. Agree a set of behaviours/principles out of it and then when Bob isn't doing his share you can respectfully remind him of the agreed principles.

That’s sarcastic and unnecessary. It doesn’t help to solve the problem, but probably makes you feel better!

I don't agree with this at all - it is definitely industry dependent I will grant you but we should all feel able to challenge others (in a positive polite way) for not doing their job in a way that impacts others. If I am waiting for someone to do something why on earth would I bleat to a manager because they haven't done it? You should always try to get it resolved yourself first- but without getting into interpersonal conflict. It really isn't hard. Obviously you can't tell them they aren't doing their job but saying- we agreed you would do X, you have left me in a tough spot because you haven't, can we avoid this in future please? Is fine.

Do your work and tidy away after you. Don’t do it for anyone else, I fell into that trap and was borderline doing the work for 3 very slacking people. Nothing changed after raising it so I did leave.

At one point two of them were running round the office with mini water guns having a water fight, manager said it was good for the team morale 😂 yeah we will do their work as long as they get to act like children eh!

Funny that she won’t tell us! Why mention it if she won’t explain?

I think you are making a leap here. It sounds very much to me that the team is poorly managed.

but clearly you lack the skills to communicate effectively.

@janeintheframe or she works with people who just don't pull their weight and feel that an equal shouldn't be asking them to do their jobs. I have worked wth people like that and it is soul destroying. You are very quick to blame the OP.

I would look for another job tbh, I work with a pair like you describe and have raised it through the correct channels but nothing has changed so I am job hunting!

Hopefully this has happened.
I don't get all the people telling op if she's not a manager it's not her business, of course it is if she's picking up the slack.
Our canteen is the same. It's not as simple as just washing your own things. Who wants to have a break in a midden? Ours was the same sink full of filthy greasy plates. I got my managers permission to bin them all and just left one because we all have our breaks alone. He had tried telling them all but they all denied it was them so now they either do wash it when they've used it or when they need it. I keep my crockery and cutlery in my locker. Dirty lazy bastards.
Hope you get sorted op.

@ThunderRoadRunner

You need to play these lazy sods at their own game, I believe in that old adage "give someone enough rope and eventually they hang themselves".

When you go back to work be polite and civil at all times to them. Start documenting everything and I mean everything. Try to make sure all communication is written i.e. emails, text message or the work group chat if you have one so its all written down dated and time stamped if they haven't done tasks or certain work send an email requesting an update from them in order to progress the project. Always make sure you have someone to witness any conversations so they can't twist it or use it and say they're being ganged up on or bullied.

Any mess they leave take photo's of it but don't touch it leave it. You can't make management see the truth they have to see it for themselves and you and others cleaning up after these lazy sods is actually helping them whilst hindering yourselves. When they complain about the mess politely point out it isn't your mess, make no further comment and go back to whatever task you're doing.

When you've got bucket loads of documented evidence that they're just lazy and not doing their work take it to HR and let them handle it.

Also make sure yourself and others who are working and doing their jobs have covered your arses, if you have all contributed make sure only your names are on said project do not add the lazy sods if they haven't contributed. When questioned simply reply "this is the work myself and such and such colleagues have done so far". Don't name and shame those who haven't contributed say you have requested stuff from them but had no response so you're unsure of what they're doing. Don't give them any cause to complain you have left them out just reply "I did email or text you requesting an update from you" and leave them to explain why they did not reply to your requests etc.

I'm having similar issues at work too, lazy sods who think they're carrying the others and we don't do enough work like they do. What these morons don't realise that the system is monitored so the IT dept can easily check who is doing what. They're also slagging me off constantly so much so my colleagues are telling me and at least 4 of my colleagues have seperately told me its bullying and its really made them see these lazy sods aren't what they portray themselves to be. All I have done is make sure management have seen I'm working and doing what I should be doing, I've been very polite and just quietly made sure I've got documented evidence of all attempts to work with them and they have stupidly been very rude, dismissive and bullied me in our work group chat for everyone to see and I've waited patiently for others to see for themselves exactly what sort of people they are.

Whilst the issues are still ongoing they have pissed off every other team in my workplace as their laziness and refusal to do certain tasks they think is beneath them have badly impacted all the other teams who are now rightly very pissed off especially as they had to take the brunt of our clients anger at their fuck ups. The result is higher management are now dealing with it and these lazy sods are being watched very closely at what they're doing and everyone now sees their true colours.

Hope this helps OP good luck 👍👍

So from your opening post, OP, it reads like you "lost it" because you discovered there had been formal complaints about bullying against you?

This has prob been said before but you need to take a breath and say "ok - so what next?". There will be a process to go through. You'll get to hear the allegations and there will be some work to establish the evidence and ultimately if there's a case to answer.

Whether you're at fault, or not, you'll learn from this, it appears.

Expecting people to sort things out without managers is an invitation for conflict and clashes - and a neat cop-out for the managers, as you try to do their probably higher paid job for them. Stop that

Agree with all of this except the last two words, since "stopping it" may be almost impossible if the management culture is to avoid all responsibility

Sadly there are too many like this and it doesn't make for happy or productive workplaces

Time to push back on the managers now. You've tried the direct approach, it hasn't worked and when you escalated it you were accused of picking on them, so it is time that the managers step in.

In the hypothetical scenario here's what I'd do. You and your colleagues who do work hard come in on Wednesday, spend however much time you need to work out what has and hasn't been done given that you've had no handover (even if that's a long time) and you start work at an average pace and you STOP work at home time on the dot and you give a handover so that your colleagues can't say that you stopped them from getting their work done on their days, and you don't tidy up other people's shit, or if you have to because it's stopping you from doing your work you record how long it took you (record everything at this point) and you do not bust a bollock to hit a deadline that your equally paid and equally responsible team members don't give a damn about. If you don't need to tidy up to do your job, DON'T, you go minimalistic on what you have and need, keep your own small supply of stationery in your locked desk drawer along with a flask of coffee and your lunch with an ice pack so that you have no need to go into the kitchen, and eat lunch at your desk, outside, or in your car (preferably away from the desk taking your full allocated unpaid lunch break). You work to rule, and if that means that balls get dropped then you must let them be dropped because it's the quickest way to force either others to step up or management to step in.

It's not easy or natural for somebody who is conscientious and diligent, but you have tried being reasonable, and you must let the deadlines get missed and client outcomes suffer in order for your managers to actually get off their arse and actually manage.

PS it's just occurred to me that your work situation might be in a catering environment, where you can't leave the kitchen unclean as you found it because it's unhygienic, and you might need to do the washing up in order to have any room to do your own washing up etc. Same principals apply though - work at a reasonable but not gut busting pace, and record what you did and how long each task took you - so if the event that's being catered for on Friday needs 4 sponge cakes, 5 platters of sandwiches and 3 of scones with homemade jam and cream, and by Wednesday you'd have expected the sponge cakes and jam to have been made so you can slice meat and cheese ready for sandwich assemble on the day, but you have to clean and wash up form the previous day first, and go hunting the fridges and freezers and emails to check if the ingredients have been ordered and cakes made, then you log how long it takes you to do those things before you can get started on the task for the day - say that would usually be jam making. If you only manage to get to the point where the jam is made in it's big saucepan and not decanted into individual jars like you usually would, because of all the shit you had to clean up in the morning first, then you don't stay late to put it into jars, you simply cover it up and leave it to cool in the pan, and you leave a handover detailing what you have got done and what isn't yet done, and you make sure a copy of it is always sent to management. Or if you couldn't start the jam, you make the cakes instead, leaving enough time to leave the kitchen in nice state for the next day's team to make the jam. And if there's no time for anybody to make jam, then you will have kept managers up to date every day you were in, and so either they will have ordered in jam or the customer will have scones with cream and no jam, and a complaint will be incoming. Either way, you do not bust a gut until your colleagues are also busting their guts and/or the managers are paying attention and taking action.

This is good advice OP please also do this.

Ok, I've read the whole thread and I have this suggestion to offer. You say that you're on holiday now and will be back in the workplace on Monday of next week, so in the meantime, you know what the trigger was that caused you to 'lose it' at these new staff members so what I would do is, using a diary or a calendar and a notebook, start at when these staff members joined.
Work your way forwards and as you remember things/work that was allocated to A and B and then subsequently not handed over to you, jot it down in the notebook. Build a case.
Every time they failed to hand over work to you, jot it in the notebook.
Also jot down the times that you have demonstrated to A and B what they were supposed to do in order to handover to you (and/or your colleagues) so that you can show to management that you tried to deal with the issue without involving management. It's management's role to make sure that sufficient training has been completed so that any new starters can, with confidence, do the role they were appointed to do.
As for the cleaning up, I'd apologise if your intention and comments to A and B (or however many of the new starters there are) were understood to be bullying. All you were trying to do was simply reminding them that everyone cleans up after themselves, no exceptions and no excuses and if that was perceived as bullying you apologise but they cannot expect someone else to clean up after them either as this is a workplace and not a college dorm room and any cleaning staff are employed to keep the general environment clean and tidy and not to do the washing up of people who are able to do it themselves.
I'm not sure if you do work in a kitchen, I'm picturing an office with a tea-break area that has to be kept clean and tidy.
I like the suggestion that @VotesForWomen made about ensuring that you're doing your work and if the handover doesn't happen going forwards, that it no longer your concern, you have to keep going with what you can do. Don't do more than is your job. Cleaning up after them is not your job.

Are you their line manager?

If not why did you have that conversation. That was for your lune manager to do

How did you assertively tell them

You do sound like you were picking on them as if your not theor line manager it has f all to do with you

Maybe you should select "see all" on the right of the OP's first post and read her updates, then apologise for being so rude to her.

I can't on the android app

I'm not being rude either!

I don't think you were rude at all.

Instead of telling management to do their job, the OP took it upon herself to act like one herself.

Couldn't handle it and ended up 'losing it' (although she refuses to explain how).

No wonder her colleagues have made formal complaints about her.