To be annoyed about him commenting on the way i look?

[ForRubyMentor]

Hi all, so my boyfriend asks if we wanna go swimming this afternoon, he checks the timetable and says 'we have to be there in just under an hour'. OK great. I find the swimming costumes, armbands etc (we've just moved so was a bit of a rummage), get DD ready and get myself ready. Book a taxi, I'm about to put my shoes on and boyfriend says 'i don't understand why you'll get dressed up nice sometimes but you're happy to just throw anything on to go and sit in public' (I wasn't going to swim, just spectate and have a nice hot chocolate). I had clean, normal casual clothes on (red trousers and a black top). Hair was in a bun and no make up but I felt I looked absolutely fine. I said this to him and he said 'well why haven't you done your hair'. I ended up not going because the taxi arrived during this conversation and I now felt super self conscious so boyfriend has taken DD on her own.

I'm sat at home annoyed. This isn't the first time he's done this. He once ( at the start of our relationship asked me to go home instead of attending a bbq because 'you don't have any nice dresses or make up here' I'm pissed off tbh. I was looking forward to getting out of the house and just enjoying some time out. We have recently moved to his area and the swimming pool is at the gym he attends daily, I have text him and asked if he wanted me to look a certain way because people he knows will see us together and he said I'm overthinking it.

AIBU to be annoyed? I feel like I should have gone anyway but the atmosphere would have been sour because his comments really annoyed me. He takes alot of pride in how he looks and would be unhappy if I made similar comments to him just before leaving the house.

OP he sounds dreadful and a creep sorry. It seems he likes to make your self esteem poor so you don't realise you can do so much better! And still kidding your neck while your upset is just creepy! I do think an exit plan sounds a good idea. Sorry you're going through this. I bet if you think about it there are many examples of this behaviour from him

Exactly that. I'd lose my absolute shit. He would be coming home after swimming to all his clothes outside. What a complete wanker. He showed you who he is at the start of the relationship. FUCK HIM OFF! Find someone that loves you dressed in a bin bag.

Tell him to fuck off - and make sure he never speaks to you like that again (or your DD ever)! Who does he think he is!!

Cunt. Get out. You can do so much better.

He is horrible. His behaviour will not improve.

He sounds like a utter knob, and has firm for this kind of behaviour, hate to break it to you but it will only get worse, he doesn’t seem to care about you or your feelings in the slightest- either leave or get used to a life of gas lighting

You’re boyfriend is an insecure loser and he’s probably incapable of loving you in a healthy secure way.
He’s emotionally abusing you, I really hope that you can start to see that now. He also sounds cruel and that is not something that he could change in a short amount of time (less than 5 years of therapy I’d guess), even if he wanted to.

Maybe he’s just not very bright, but you need to start standing up for yourself. It will feel hard, but I promise it will get easier.
Sending you hugs xx

Or better still, much more peace, joy and freedom without this piece of 💩 in her life.

He's a twat but he showed you that at the beginning of your relationship, telling you to go home because he didn't like your choice of outfit.
I wouldn't tolerate this. Who does he think he is?

Hard to believe this is real, but if it is, your poor daughter.

What a nasty vile pig you chose to have a child with.

Oh, you've got one of them there controlling twat types, OP.

He's not good enough for you and will make you miserably if you stay with him. He's also a horrible example for your daughter who will base her opinion of how men should treat women, on her excuse for a father... and ditto the other way around for you - she will pick up cues of behaviour, as a woman, from you.

You can do better. Much, much better. Don't allow any man (or woman) to tell you how you should look, not ever.

OP please address this with him properly or leave him because if he doesn’t change your DD is going to grow up thinking she can’t go out unless she’s got a face full of make up and perfect hair etc my DH and I went away earlier this year just a few days break I don’t wear make up daily I only wear it for the occasional night out or events wedding etc anyway I’d completely forgot to pack my make up when going away because I just don’t think about it we were getting ready to go out one night and that’s when I realised my DH said don’t worry about it you don’t need make up your gorgeous (I’m certainly not gorgeous) so I went out without make up if my DH had refused to go out with me because I didn’t have my make up on we would be in the middle of a divorce right now I really hope your other half changes for all of your sakes I couldn’t live in a relationship like that and certainly wouldn’t want my DD growing up hearing things like that.

Good luck OP

He sounds like a selfish, shallow, prick. I'm going to guess he's also not overly bright.

Stop with the lip fillers and ditch him OP. Partners should make you feel GOOD. They should boost you, not make you feel insecure.

He obviously has no inner confidence, hence having to look the part all the time. He sounds like the type of partner that's there for the good time, not for the bad. If anything ever happened to you and you were rendered disabled, would he have your back? Obviously not.

Your daughter will be seeing this.

In todays episode of throw the whole man away ….

EDIT

Ok so you have:
Cheating bf (even if you weren't exclusive, it clearly wasn't a mutually agreed open relationship).
He's obsessed with his own looks.
He's made his body into currency and believes he can 'buy' sex with his hotness, or is gaming women to try to score.
He clearly has low self esteem and has managed to damage yours too.
You've already altered your looks for him to please him.
Now he doesn't care about having hurt you, but wants sex because that's either a reward he believes he's entitled to, or his only emotional response to anything besides anger/belittling.

Exit now. Things will only get worse.

That's a red flag for turning gradually into a controlling prick
Please get rid

And your lack of self confidence is a huge bonus for him because he can keep it low and guarantee you won't leave.
I know you don't want to and I know you think he's special and you're in love. But it's not. It's desperation. Toughen up babe and start enjoying single life. It's a better example for your daughter.

I was going to ask what on earth you are getting out of this relationship OP but you’ve come to your own conclusions! Hope you find someone who likes you just as you as you are and your DD sees how happy and thriving you can be with someone who respects you.

Get rid! What a vile, manipulative toad.

When I was 18 (a long time ago) I was with someone very vein and he also made similar jibes. I never thought anything of it. We then broke up when I was 21. I hadn’t realised it has slowly chipped away at my self confidence. It’s controlling. It’s also a poor example to set for your DD. She’s seeing you change yourself because of his grim comments which normalises the view that you should look a certain way to please someone else. Anyone that makes you need to get lip filler if it isn’t something YOU wanted before and hasn’t considered it, shouldn’t be worth your time.

He said something, that he knew would cause an argument, moments before you left the house because he didn’t want you to go. I bet the pool is at the same place as the gym?! He’s having an affair with someone he met at the gym, she was probably at the pool today hence why he suggested swimming. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you or what you wear and absolutely everything wrong with this massive dickhead. Get you and DD out xx