To think it’s unusual to have a below average child if…

[Kegas]

Their parents are high achievers? I know I shouldn’t feel disappointed but I do. Me and DH are very high achievers. From school and now well into our careers. I sort of assumed our child would be even better than that, but they’re very much not. AIBU to have expected differently?

Your child will fully understand their parents are disappointed with them - that will last their whole life. Well done you for instilling an inferiority complex in your child.👏👏

Op as long as your child is doing OK academically and happy in school I wouldn't worry. Plenty of average people get good jobs.

I'd be encouraging them to try out different hobbies to see if they can find one or two they love. swimming lessons, ballet, guitar...

Precisely right - Nature will tend to always revert to the mean. Thus, two exceptionally tall parents may often produce children of average height etc. Fortunately, and as the eugenics movement finally discovered , heritability is much more a case of Lotto balls arising from several generations back, rather than an exclusive direct mix of both parents genes. Both my husband and I were intellectually gifted . Only one of our three children is.

I'm a teacher. It is surprisingly common for the children of two very intelligent doctors, or lawyers etc (demanding, long hours jobs) to have children who perform very middle of the road at school. I include my own children in this.

Six is very young. My DD was struggling enormously at this age. By the time she got to secondary school, she was suffering severe mental health problems due to undiagnosed SN. At that point, the bar got lower, and just having her happy and well would have been fine.

I think these things are good to challenge us. I was academically good at school but, due to a combination of health issues (MH and physical) along with caring responsibilities, a career couldn't be a priority.

I think we like to put people into boxes but we are not Brave New World - Alpha, Beta, Gamma... where we all have a predetermined role.

What was more disgusting was that other parents discouraged friendships with DD because they didn't want theirs to catch her 'stupidity '

I find it strange that we feel the need to live in ghettos organised by our intelligence and never explore beyond and aim to co exist.

In any case, she surprised us all and went to university and surpassed many of the 'academic ' children

you need to adjust your expectations so he doesn't grow up feeling inadequate. You don't have to excel academically to succeed. Surely it just matters that he does his best?

Apparently, intelligence is more likely to be determined by the mother. 😉

You're expressing this badly but I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable. My husband and I both fall into the "moderately gifted" band. (I'm not bragging, we are ND have very significant weaknesses in...well almost every other area) My SD14 was a bit behind all through Primary School and DH was a little bit worried. She was a late bloomer and is now doing really well at Secondary School. Her IQ is bob on 100 and she's a lovely person, but we do sometimes find it quite hard to connect with her. She's not interested in books, current affairs, history, art, or any of the same things as us really. We try to take an interest in Disney, TikTok and Marvel which are her main interests but it doesn't come as easy to us, we have to create things in common rather than them just being there.

My DD4 is easier for me to parent because she's naturally just interested in the same things as us, she wants to know who the Prime Minister is and what the moon is made of and talk about the books she's read, she likes to acquire knowledge which is fun for us.

I'm sure I'll get called an evil stepmother, so I will just state for the record that I love them both equally.

Bloody hell.

im unsure how much to say, and don’t want to sound braggy (about myself- I’ll brag about DS all day 😊) but suffice to say I’m an academic high achiever, hyperlexic so could read fluently when I started school, and have a “good” career.

My 8 year old DS is dyslexic, is mostly staying on target except in English where he’s a way off- but working so so hard- , and because he’s dyslexic isn’t (on paper) anything special academically (in the way that school measure). But … he’s artistically gifted- it’s obvious already. His ability to really properly grasp complex (for his age) scientific concepts is extraordinary, and he’s literally the strongest kid I’ve ever met 😂 He’s like a four foot gladiator. He’s also funny, mature, confident, popular with his peers, kind and has an extraordinary imagination.

Will success in his life look like my success? No. He’s a different person. With different skills. His own dreams. My job is to teach him to find and follow his joy, and how he can best make a difference in the world, in his own way - not tell him what that will look like. How can I possibly know? But if he finds his joy, his life purpose- he’ll be more successful than me by a long shot. Because for all my “achievements”- aside from being his mum- so far, I never have.

And whatever he does I could never ever ever be disappointed in him. He makes me so so so proud. Every day. Every time he comes home with not one spelling on his test correct- but an attempt on every line. Every time he reads aloud and can’t remember the difference between “they” and “the”, but tries so hard. And that will continue always- whether he’s a penniless artist, a hedge fund manager, a shelf stacker or a doctor. As long as he’s kind, and decent, and happy- that’s enough.

I find it amazing for "high achieving" parents you haven't considered the well known phrase
Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid

Some people bloom late, ime the later in their teens to early 20's, the bloom, the better!

Environment is a huge influence here, maybe youre both not your parents....

Give them a chance.

Ah it's hard isn't it? I've always been a good all rounder with great grades, my children both struggle. I guess they take after DH more, he's very average intelligence wise, if not a bit under. I do feel a bit disappointed for them, but I focus on their strengths and they will be their own people. Neither of them want to be lawyers or doctors anyway!

FFS, some of the people I was in the sixth form with didn't blossom until they started working full time.

To do well at school, specially a UK school, is hardly 'achieving highly', I am afraid. To do excellently at school is not 'achieving highly' either, it is just being a good student, cramming well and learning by rote. Same goes for UCAT/BMAT, I am afraid. Just sit down and learn. And yes, you can jolly well be a doctor without doing well at school - Widening Access Programmes are for those who not only did not do well in chemistry and biology and English at school, they are for those who did not do these subjects at school at all! Every med school has them, these programmes. If you are good at gaming your post code and playing a race/low income/single parent/care-experienced card, you can become a doctor by adding loads of extra UCAS points to your application, surely you must know it.

Wow, there are so many high achievers here, I am truly humbled. Some can read when starting school, wow, well, I never, some are good rounders with good grades.... Some are even doctors, fancy that!

I disagree strongly with this. British qualifications are robust, well-respected and sought after. There is a far greater emphasis on application and problem - solving than on rote learning.

Some universities will make conditional offers based on specific circumstances, but these are intended to go some way to levelling the playing field and certainly don't give disadvantaged students an unfair advantage.

I agree with this!

6 is far too young to know a child’s abilities!

At 6, my DD (19) was behind with reading and writing, and we were wondering whether she was dyslexic as it runs DH’s family.

Now she’s 19 and doing a STEM degree at a highly-ranked university. She also did really well in English Language and Literature at high school. With some tutoring during primary, she suddenly grasped reading and writing and then she took off academically.

If she hadn’t been academic, so what, she’d probably be doing an apprenticeship instead. Everyone has their own strengths.

I'd love to hear your wonderful high achieving CV, although someone who is truly comfortable with their achievements wouldn't feel the need to piss on everyone else's chips would they? For the record I have no skin in the game as I am certainly not a high achiever- couldn't get higher than a C in my GCSEs. I'm not as bitter about others and their achievements though.

I am not a high achiever either, but I am truly amazed at what people think achievements are. Not bitter, just truly amazed and amused.

@EI12 It's subjective though isn't it? What's your definition of a high achiever? What job or qualification? Is it all doctors in the UK who are not high achievers or do some of them count?

OP it's absolutely crazy to worry at this stage - I really hope you're not sharing your concerns with your poor child.

Our DD17 was a middling student all through secondary school. She did better than expected in her GCSEs, but not spectacularly so.

But she's been an A* student all through her first year of A levels at the highest performing sixth form college in our county. We're surprised but very proud and have never put her under any pressure, just praised where necessary.

6? Blimey! DD1 was an end of August baby and started school the day after her 4th birthday. I got called in by her teacher during her first few weeks in reception as they were concerned that she couldn't hold a pencil properly. I had to point out that she had been a 3 year old mere weeks before and I wasn't going to worry about her pencil holding skills so young. She was average or below in her SATS,and when she started secondary school,it had just been put into special measures. She absolutely flew there though,got 3 9s in her GCSEs,got great A levels ( As and A*s) and recently achieved a 1st in her Zoology degree and is the first person in our family to go to uni.
Some children take longer to find their academic feet than others, some just aren't that way inclined,and that's fine, everyone has different talents.Please don't write the poor child off so early though.

Are they a boy? Boys can take longer to develop.
Also, how much of your high achievement was through hard work, and how much ability, and how much luck?

How much time do you spend with your child, supporting them, being with them also.

It all adds into the mix. Please stop worrying, go with the flow, and see 🙏😀

If they aren't performing well at 16 I'd be worried. At 6, not so much.

My older DB and I both went to grammar school while younger DB failed the 11+. He was diagnosed with ADHD back in the 80s when it was called Hyperactivity Syndrome or something. He left secondary school without any GCSEs and had a few crappy jobs until he eventually got fed up and did an access course. He went on to get a 1st from a RG uni plus an academic award, a distinction in his masters, and a PhD. Not bad going for the ‘thick one’ as many of our relatives saw him!