To think it’s unusual to have a below average child if…

[Kegas]

Their parents are high achievers? I know I shouldn’t feel disappointed but I do. Me and DH are very high achievers. From school and now well into our careers. I sort of assumed our child would be even better than that, but they’re very much not. AIBU to have expected differently?

Simone Biles was 6 when she started gymnastics. Not saying your child is going to be world class at anything but your job is to help them find what they love and help them get good at it. Doesn't have to be academia.

The problem is whilst ‘ability’ tables persist, not current attainment, ideas about fixed ability can take hold.

It was absolutely thought that you could spot the clever ones by 6-7 & some were gifted. Fixed ideas can disadvantage children. The convo in the staffroom was little so & so was better - read quicker - at ‘Maths’ than many primary teachers. He was, in fact, ahead at arithmetic. Kumon from about 3 & tutoring. There’s a difference. However virtuous circles are created and this advantages some kids over others so some parents ‘Tiger’.

Poor kid...

You might be a 'high achiever', whatever that means, but you have a lot to learn when it comes to being a supportive parent that accept their children for who they are.

Criticising a 6 year old for not being a 'high achiever' is just daft.

My husband and myself are doctors. We have generally been "good" at many of the standard ways of assessing intelligence and success. My second son is struggling a lot with school and all things academic and social - it's not his fault, it's not our fault. But it did surprise me. Selfishly it's just harder when your child does not sail through life!

I thought you were going to say they were 36 not 6!!

Bloody hell, let them be a child.

The only thing they should care about right now is playing and having as much fun as possible.

The only thing you should care about is if they are happy and healthy.

This is so sad.

FWIW I know many high achievers who did well on paper but they lack common sense.
Not everything is judged on school grades.

Have you brought them up or have you farmed them out full time to childcare providers from the age of 9 months? The former, I'm surprised, the latter, it's happening more and more.

Don't get upset - high achievers don't hang on Mumsnet, they are busy achieving highly. And no, apple and tree, that sort of thing, so don't worry. Apologies if you and your husband have Nobel/Pulitzer Prizes or Fields' medals.

Neurodiversity is a contributing factor with my child - have you considered that?

Stop stop stop. Just stop. What on earth are you saying. Children can have average ability and in no way is that related to being ND. Nothing op had said suggested this.

Do you do much with them at home? Makes such a difference. I did very little with DD3 as she seemed bright enough and , you kniw, I had 3 children….

she was in the lowest group (of 6 in the class), and I realised I had to actually read and practice writing at home. A little bit every day….always. Even on holidays and weekends.

age 9 and we still fo it and she is now exceeding in everything except French and sport (expected).

i do about 30 mins of maths and grammar, TT rockstars and Duolingo (French/Latin) each day.

Things tend towards the mean, the average. We humans are produced by sexual reproduction - our genes mix in the new foetus. So there's a tendency to average out.

What have you done to motivate or inspire your DC to achieve highly? Have you put in the effort for extra stimulation, broadening interests, exposing them to lots of different things?

IQ is potential, not a given.

This is so amusing! Only in the UK garden variety doctors think they are high achievers. My brother-in-law is from Hungary and he is genuinely shocked at how doctors are worshipped in the UK. Love Mumsnet!!!!!

@EI12 what a catty reply. The user you quoted described themselves as 'good', they weren't exactly bragging.

The A level grades needed to study medicine is higher than the national average grades so that would indicate that they would have been a high achiever.

I'm sure your BIL is the authority on everything though.

Bravo! All able children I have met have been either coached to bits by their parents or by tutors. You don't get to become a 'talented musician' or 'talented anything' if your parents don't sign you up for classes and then sit and practice with you.

Hi OP, I am the low achiever child of very academic parents. They were never, ever disappointed in me but they did struggle to understand why I struggled. They also only understand the world available to academically clever people so we’re not able to give me advice on what to do if not academic… they just kept pushing me in academia…. I found my own way eventually… so my advice would be to identify what they are good at /like and encourage them with that and to learn about all the many opportunities available .

I thought I was quite a sharp elbowed and pushy mum but worrying about academic performance for a six year old is pretty extreme. And as PPs have said, will not help your kid

Not really, good parents give support and opportunities but people are clever in different ways and genetics are complicated.

@EI12 you cannot be a doctor without doing "well" at school. There are many many other professions which are similar. Not saying I am amazing (I'm not!) but I did have to succeed academically which is what I am referring to.

That's a poor thing to say, Parents don't always have options and my bright, confident, high IQ daughter went to nursery. She's fine.

Thank-you for not misinterpreting my post! ❤️

@Mischance thanks! Yes, that's what I was thinking about earlier.

And also the PPs upthread who noted that sometimes, when parents have worked really hard to achieve, their DC see the results, but not the effort.

But @Kegas , at 6???? Really??? Let your DS be a child. IN 10 years' time, maybe wonder ...

Human IQ tends to strongly "tend to the mean" - the curve for IQ in an entire population is a very very steep, narrow spike in the middle with a very long but flat tail on either side.
Parents who are both high or low IQ are generally unlikely to have a child very much at the opposite extreme (although it sometimes happens, especially with factors like variable expression of inherited neurodiversity), but they are most likely to have children who are completely average.
Everyone is most likely to have children who are completely average.

What a sad read. My son is a couple of weeks off 6 and I can't imagine feeling like that about him. He's kind, funny and loving and that's what matters.

Maybe the problem is your child has wholly unsupportive and pushy parents.

My child can play the piano by ear, which is not a skill that me or DH possess. Granted, it's up to us to pay for music lessons but you can be naturally talented at something.

How do you know he's just below average? How is his school measuring his achievements to report this to you?

Not all daffodils flower on the same day. Play the long game, tell him he's fabulous, let him learn lots of different things and find things he really enjoys. Just because he's not the fastest runner doesn't mean he won't be good at fencing or diving for example. He'll be picking up on your disappointment. I know because I was that child.