Parents new “friend”

[Itllbealrightonthenight]

I feel uncomfortable about my parents new friend, let’s call her Tracey.
My parents are in their early 60’s, both retired and have plenty of friends and family around them. Almost overnight this Tracey has become part of their everyday lives. Tracey is 26 and according to her, has crappy parents which is why my parents have taken her under their wing. She drives to their house for dinner several nights a week, goes shopping with them, goes to the gym with Dad 3 times a week. I met Tracey for the first time recently and she was pleasant enough but dismissive of me and made no effort to get to know me. I made a conscious effort to get to know her and make her feel welcome - because my parents have grown close to her. But she wasn’t interested and actually made me feel like the stranger in the situation. To my shock she repeatedly called my parents Mum and Dad. That made me feel really uncomfortable around her and I’m suspicious of how quickly she has formed this deep bond with my parents. I can’t help but question her motives. My parents have accepted her life story as she tells it- a neglected child. But the reality is she’s 26, an adult and my parents don’t actually know her yet. She lives with her Dad who she says isn’t supportive. Her mother is elsewhere and she too doesn’t have a good relationship with her. Apparently.
Im suspicious about her intentions and also peed off that she and my parents have totally disrespected me by allowing her to call them Mum and Dad. They’ve known eachother for 6 months!
Thoughts?

Private investigators are mostly conmen

Op I’d be worried about her being a ‘Trojan horse’ by trying to bring herself into your parents life. There is something I always find strange about over keen people who want to be around a certain person/ people all the time. They often have an agenda and almost always want something. I’ve had to distance myself from an over keen ‘friend’ lately because it was obvious what she was trying to do. Then the requests for childcare came which I nipped in the bud as I was already prepared for it.

My guess is she’s trying to butter your parents up and keep them sweet in the hope they will eventually borrow her money in return for being their ‘daughter’. Or maybe include her in their will or something similar. She is already being fed by them multiple times a week! She seems a bit of a user to me.

I would try and speak to your parents about it first. However, in my experience people refuse to believe anything negative about such a ‘wonderful’ person until it’s too late as they’ve already fallen for their manipulative ways. You may just have to wait and see what happens and keep an eye on her.

My first take is that Tracey is a very old fashioned name for a 26year old, it's a

Posted too soon! It's a name I associate with someone my age, ie 60s. If you can afford it, I would get a private investigator. I can see of no good reason this woman has weaselled her way in.

Which parent is driving this more than the other? Your dad I suspect.

Could you confide in your Mother and see if she shares any of your concerns?

Certainly remain tuned in here. Otherwise I feel there is certainly risk of financial agendas aimed at unconscious incompetents.

PS - if he wants to gift her a grand or two for making them smile at the end, fair play. But don’t write her in at offspring level after a six month whirlwind.

@Itllbealrightonthenight you haven't answered my question. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?

My first take was that the OP didn't use the woman's real name.

@MounjaroUser Ah yes!

Very very odd!

But I'd tread very slowly and carefully.

They're only in their 60s so you should have time.

As she's dismissive of you, how you establish what her intentions are towards your parents is more than likely one of your greatest concerns.

You are right to be suspicious, just warn your parents not to give her any money in case she is trying to groom them.

She's filling them with sob stories in order to manipulate and get your parents on her side and away from you. A tactic to isolate people or a person from their nearest and dearest, to use people for their own toxic intentions.

Your parents need to be aware of her attitude to you. There is a chance she may see you as a possible threat to her 'goal' what ever that may be, hence the reason why she's distant from you but not with your parents.

I am certain, if you can contact and speak with a person who knows her well, such as her own parents and find out from them what she is like, this may help you to keep your parents fully informed and hopefully keep them safe.

I can't think of many situations in which I'd seriously advise someone to employ a private investigator if they can afford to... but in this case, I really would. You need info - and urgently.

I also think it's unlikely that both of your parents are equally bonded with Tracey - it's possible one of them (perhaps your Dad, as he initially met her at the gym) is more into playing the hero / saviour and the other is going along with it to be kind, but is not as committed? If you can figure out who might be more open to a conversation, maybe try to have a private one on one chat with them first?

OP has already said she has 1 sibling

I don't want to be outing but this happened a relative of mine. The 'Tracy' in question was a smart operator insofar as she slowly isolated my relative over a number of years until it was too late. She abused him and fleeced him.

I think your parents are being groomed and Tracy doesn't want you getting in the way of her plans.

If I was to go back in time, I think we all would have been a lot more vocal about our concerns.

Please PLEASE talk to your sibling and extended family about this, go to the BBQ so they can also observe the dynamic and grill her with questions and then raise your concern with your parents. You don't have to paint the picture of them being elderly or anything like that but you can tell them that grooming for subsequent financial abuse can happen over many years.

Tracy needs to be told to fuck off, preferably by your parents.

Can you invite a chatty old friend that your parents know to the family BBQ “Mum, Dad, isn’t it wonderful to see my school friend Barbara again” and ask Barbara to ask Tracy questions (to get some info on her as knowledge is power), mainly so that Tracy can’t say to your Mum and Dad that you are being nosy and unfriendly to her. Or invite more family members so they can see how it is between Tracy and your parents.

This reminds me of someone DH knows. His parents went on holiday and made friends with a young chap (I think in his 20s) from another country (somewhere in Europe IIRC). They come home from hols, young chap comes to stay. DH friend a bit surprised. They announce young chap is staying for a while. DH friend a bit suspicious. Young chap is still there several months later. Turns out he's the mum's bit on the side, dad is fully aware and on board with him moving into the family home! So weird.

Seperately, one of my exes had an acquaintance who actually got quite rich off the back of making friends with lonely older people and getting himself included in their wills, he inherited a house off one old lady. He was very calculating about it, made himself indispensable while they were alive, doing errands, DIY etc. So it is definitely a thing that some people do.

The will issue is interesting in that they are likely 25 to 30 years away from that benefiting Tracey.

It's a sentimental promise that has little meaning now as people change their wills to the prevailing circumstances as they get much older, and at 60 or so there's a lot of unpredictability.

OP will be retired then and her daughter will be late middle age potential with great grandchildren. Tracey's unlikely to go the distance.

Intense relationships burn out, Tracey will find a partner and lose interest in her adopted parents once someone else has become her fixation. They will be ghosted.

I would start to chat about Tracey's future, does she want to marry and have kids? Are they going to be their grandchildren? Cousins? Nephews and nieces? Allude to the total integration they have started up for the whole family unwittingly.

I think your parents are being groomed and Tracy doesn't want you getting in the way of her plans.

Hence why Tracey isn't friendly to the OP, she knows she's on to her...

attention, a bet?

I would be worried, this happened locally to me.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-68632224
Cuckooing happens alot but thankfully doesn't always lead to murder. I would be keeping a very close eye.

I was quite uncomfortable reading this as I've seen this sort of thing happen in real life too. My grandparents thought their cleaning lady was wonderful and like a member of the family. Once my grandmother was widowed she became a sort of paid companion which we were uncomfortable with as she was in sheltered accommodation and had regular family visits and support. Eventually when Gma no longer had mental capacity my mum got POA and found the lady had been helping herself to get bank account. Police weren't interested as Gma had given her her bank card and PIN.

Two other odd incidences, not money motivated though which made it harder to work out what was going on. Both were oddball characters who joined my parents church at different times. One turned out to be a convicted pedophile who was trying to inveigle himself back into "decent society". My parents were totally taken in by him and devastated when the truth came out as they'd spent so much time with him and thought he was a lovely person and good Christian.

The other was a woman who latched onto an older couple and was with them all the time. She had lost her own parents not long before and we were really shocked to hear her call the couple mum and dad. The wife grew very uncomfortable over time especially as she got very ill and the woman seemed to take over her role in the home, cooking and cleaning. She did say at one point that she was worried that the woman was "after" her husband and people reassured her as the woman had made a big thing of only seeing him as a father figure. Sure enough very soon after she died the husband and the odd woman were clearly a couple.

You are right to be wary but they may well be resistant to concern and think you are "jealous". I'd say find out all you can about this character as you may turn up something that will open their eyes.

Sounds a bit like the man who killed the vicar and neighbour, was dramatised a whole ago,The sixth commandment where the man squirrels his way into their lives, befriends them and gets them to change the will and murders them!
Not suggesting that she is planning to kill them but it's scary how quickly someone can gain trust.
Keep a very close eye, could your dad be seeing her?
Could you follow her, maybe she is doing this to someone else as well.

If my son tried to get POA for me in my early 60’s, I’d tell him to fuck right off.

Yeah I don’t believe a word of this.

You are utterly wrong. Projecting your own issues here.

The reason I queried the ages if you must know was I was hinting at a less than genuine poster. But that's not allowed.

(I have raised concerns with MN on it .)

Happy now?