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Original poster

Parents new “friend”

545 replies

Itllbealrightonthenight · 25/07/2024 10:25

I feel uncomfortable about my parents new friend, let’s call her Tracey.
My parents are in their early 60’s, both retired and have plenty of friends and family around them. Almost overnight this Tracey has become part of their everyday lives. Tracey is 26 and according to her, has crappy parents which is why my parents have taken her under their wing. She drives to their house for dinner several nights a week, goes shopping with them, goes to the gym with Dad 3 times a week. I met Tracey for the first time recently and she was pleasant enough but dismissive of me and made no effort to get to know me. I made a conscious effort to get to know her and make her feel welcome - because my parents have grown close to her. But she wasn’t interested and actually made me feel like the stranger in the situation. To my shock she repeatedly called my parents Mum and Dad. That made me feel really uncomfortable around her and I’m suspicious of how quickly she has formed this deep bond with my parents. I can’t help but question her motives. My parents have accepted her life story as she tells it- a neglected child. But the reality is she’s 26, an adult and my parents don’t actually know her yet. She lives with her Dad who she says isn’t supportive. Her mother is elsewhere and she too doesn’t have a good relationship with her. Apparently.
Im suspicious about her intentions and also peed off that she and my parents have totally disrespected me by allowing her to call them Mum and Dad. They’ve known eachother for 6 months!
Thoughts?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Jaichangecentfoisdenom · 26/07/2024 06:51

Polythene · 26/07/2024 00:35

This happened with people I knew. Turned out the husband was helping the young woman with her onlyfans work. His wife left him and now he lives in Nuneaton.

Living in Nuneaton - clearly a fate worse than death Grin

BigAnne · 26/07/2024 08:03

@Stmarieforme I've had POA in place since I was in my 50's. This is something only the parents can set up. If they lacked capacity, which they don't then the OP could apply to the court for guardianship.

Dancingqueen18 · 26/07/2024 10:05

ElsieMc · 25/07/2024 18:56

Oh dear, this brings my late mum's situation back to me. My DM had early stage dementia when she suddenly changed to a freelance hairdresser. DM was drawing a lot of money out of the bank and it was all going. I had to be careful as she was touchy about any questioning of her finances as she was terrible with money and I had already had to sort matters out for her. I made a point of calling in when hairdresser was there and she was very unfriendly toward me. Next thing her daughter was working for my DM as a cleaner and it was pretty obvious by the state of the house no cleaning was being done.

I queried it and my mum defended her saying she only had time to do half the house on each call. It was a tiny cottage.

Next, my DM had photos of the daughter put up in a frame in her living room. Finally, I received a phone call from the Manager at my DM's Bank. Rightly or wrongly, he told me he was very worried about mum and that she had drawn out £400 that week alone. I called round and they were both there. The daughter cleared off very quickly without even saying hello. I went and looked at where mum kept her money and every penny had gone. She didn't even have any food in.

Sadly my mum fell out with me. She was completely taken in and my interference as she saw it was out of order and she told me to leave her house and not come back.

I did ring social services but they were unhelpful. As mum had some homecare, they felt their workers may take the blame or indeed be involved. Money only went missing once the hairdresser and her dd began to call round, never once before. Just be warned op, it did lead to a breakdown in my relationship with my mum. There are red flags all over this one.

Horrible situation, people like this are the scum of the earth. The difference is according to OP this is a very fit healthy couple in their early 60s look like 50s & doing regular runs. You can't really compare the situations as there is no taking advantage of a vulnerable elderly couple circumstance here. The question is why are OPs parents so invested in this woman 🤦‍♀️

ElsieMc · 26/07/2024 16:18

@Dancingqueen18 I agree with you that it is not the same situation, but grooming takes different forms. Grooming is predatory behaviour and this person is building false trust with the op's parents. Like happened with me, I was basically replaced by someone who at the time appeared more supportive and invested than me. You only have to look at the murder of Peter Farquhar in the Sixth Commandment to see how he was groomed when he had a loving family and friends. It is unusual though, that it is a couple, you are correct. She is using superficial charm and attention and the ultimate aim is financial.

RavenhairedRachel · 26/07/2024 17:42

It sounds very weird and a bit dodgy to me. She must have an ulterior motive and is trying to prime /groom them . I would keep a very close eye on the situation.

LiterallyOnFire · 26/07/2024 18:18

Testina · 25/07/2024 10:49

My daughter told me yesterday that Grandad said he’s changing his will to include Tracey!

That seems an odd detail not to put in your first post.

It does.

toxic44 · 26/07/2024 18:18

This happened to my mother. A young woman she'd met briefly tagged onto her, always round at the house, all cosy and friendly. Took to call her 'Mum'. When I mentioned my concerns I was accused of jealousy and of being bad-minded. So I dug around. Discovered the woman had form for this and had done quite nicely out of little presents and a couple of decent bequests. I instigated POA, made sure the woman knew. That stopped it.

CustardCreams2 · 26/07/2024 18:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

diddl · 26/07/2024 18:25

Honestly Op-when she asked if she could call them Mum & Dad-why wouldn't they say no?

They do sound easily flattered!

LiterallyOnFire · 26/07/2024 18:28

Itllbealrightonthenight · 25/07/2024 13:14

@Fluffyelephant
I appreciated your input, thank you. There are some people who want to argue and divert attention from the topic onto themselves. Please stay with me and ignore them, they soon disappear.

Is this something that Tracey said to your parents about you OP?

(Hard to follow in a long thread if quoting isn't used.)

LiterallyOnFire · 26/07/2024 18:38

VividQuoter · 25/07/2024 21:46

It will end explosively and for good when the poster mans up and does what she needs to do, including her brother.

right, mother and father, this is what we see here with sis, we need copy of the will, full POA's arranged, locks changed, your free time routine and if you love us, get rid of this intruder.

If the parents do not oblige, it only will tell what kind of people they are. Why even bother with them after that if they have lost their minds but actually still seem to be with it. That would be an insult to me, to my deepest feelings as a daughter. If they are so vile and stupid, let them go where they want and take with them the whole lot, including Tracey. Big deal. Is it about their money or their love.

GrinGrinGrin

This thread! Smile

MounjaroUser · 26/07/2024 18:41

Blimey, @VividQuoter, I'm glad you're not my daughter!

DodgyFriend · 26/07/2024 18:43

Do you think one of your parents or their siblings gave her up for adoption and she has just found birth family members by any chance?

Echobelly · 26/07/2024 18:48

I agree with PPs who have suggested a direct approach. 'Tracy, I'm going to be honest I am concerned about why you are suddenly being so close to my parents, I don't think it's a normal way for people who haven't known each other long to be with one another. I know you won't like this, but I have to put my parents first and I will go to the authorities if anything you do seems to be taking advantage of mum and dad'

There is a risk she will go to your parents with this, but I think there is no good trying to be polite - she needs to know her behaviour is off, even if somehow she doesn't mean any ill.

Cesarina · 26/07/2024 18:49

@ElsieMc received a phone call from the very worried manager of her mum's bank, "rightly or wrongly".
I assume, @ElsieMc, that you feel he was probably breaking client, (your mum), confidentiality?
But his action alerted @ElsieMc as to what was happening.
I know this is going off the point of the thread a little, but this just wouldn't happen nowadays would it?
Gone are the days when your bank manager knew you and you knew her/him.
I haven't even got a bank branch anymore - all the branches of my bank within travelling distance have been closed.

magicmushrooms · 26/07/2024 18:55

Do you have her full name? A google may help get a bit of background knowledge here.

And definitely start going round to your parents more - I suspect the cool reception is intended to try and keep you away. Ask your parents if they have met her dad yet? and why not?

check out where she works, basically legally stalk her for a bit and check out her story.

Lucia573 · 26/07/2024 18:55

Reminds me of the Sixth Commandment TV series. I’d be concerned.

Lifeomars · 26/07/2024 18:59

Alectrona · 25/07/2024 23:00

@eggplant16
How are they "doddery"?
OP says they go to the gym, run a few times a week and are fully compos mentis.

I have noticed on here that anyone who has retired is considered to be rich, doddery and sliding swiftly into mental decline.

Newsenmum · 26/07/2024 19:08

I knew a similar situation! Neighbour of friend. Except it was a 19 year old man. In the end the man died and this young man married the woman! He lives a life of luxury now and will be inheriting everything (the couple were childfree). Saying they, they seem happy!

Scarletrunner · 26/07/2024 19:18

What on earth do their friends say.
i would get someone to infer there is something going on between DF and Tracey to DM.

Omlettes · 26/07/2024 19:26

Itllbealrightonthenight · 25/07/2024 10:47

Wow! Thanks so much for all support already. As I don’t know her at all, I can only tell you what she’s told my parents. I’m unsure what’s relevant but I’ll share what I know. She suffers with mental health, addicted to the gym and is very muscular, she’s gay, she has a job and a car. Her and my Dad met at the gym where they’re both members.
My parents are in great shape mentally and physically. Run a tight ship at home, run long distance, have plenty of friends and family. They could be mistaken for 10 years younger than they are. I wouldn’t say they are vulnerable but some people are clever enough to potentially exploit kindness I suppose. They have both recently retired and I wondered if Tracey is filling a void of some kind? I have one sibling and a wide extended family who all live locally. There are always family gatherings, lots of grandchildren. My parents don’t live a lonely little life at all.
I have said to my parents that I found it odd Tracey is calling them Mum and Dad. They downplayed it and almost denied it. So at this point I don’t think it would be wise to bring it up again because it will either fall on deaf ears or worse, cause conflict. My 23 year old daughter met her at the same time as me. Tracey was very flirty with my daughter which made her feel uncomfortable. My daughter told me yesterday that Grandad said he’s changing his will to include Tracey! She also said won’t be spending time with Nanny and Grandad if Tracey is there.

Its very odd, her dismissiveness of you is waving red flags

How could they think her calling them mum and dad is acceptable?

boredybored · 26/07/2024 19:27

Do your parents appear to have lots of money ? As I a big house or fancy car etc. ?

This nearly happened with my aunt but we stopped it . She has no children and was vulnerable . Her boyfriend's family set their eyes on her estate . Fuckers !

BlazenWeights · 26/07/2024 19:27

Just following out of curiosity 😃

Ihavesomeideas · 26/07/2024 19:37

I can't stress how important it is to stop this person right now. Keeping an eye on them won't help +it'll be too late. My family had a slightly similar story.My brother +sister in law fostered a late teen child. He was super intelligent spoke many languages +was a mentally unstable genius. He love bombed them changed his surname to theirs,called them Mum +Dad. He separated them from their family etc. Once he realised the Dad was onto him he put no effort into a relationship with him and concentrated on the Mother.In the end the parents divorced as he made their relationship impossible. He then got bored with no one to manipulate +left after verbally destroying the Mother.She ended up having a nervous breakdown+trying to kill herself. She's now trying to repair relationships with her adult children but it's gone too far. The fact that Tracy made no effort with you rung alarm bells for me.Do not let your daughter get pushed out.Get a private investigator onto her. Use Claire's law if you can. Can you go stay with parents for a while?

Blibbleflibble · 26/07/2024 19:41

Haven't RTFT but the age gap friendship on its own wouldn't bother me as sometimes you just click with people but the calling them Mum and Dad, giving you the cold shoulder, getting added to the will and hitting on your daughter and making her extremely uncomfortable would send me stratospheric!

Would your parents tolerate a male friend of there's hitting on their Granddaughter to the extent that she feels too uncomfortable to go round anymore? Absolute madness, you need to give your parents head a wobble. I can't believe she's inbedded herself in so deeply that you're walking on eggshells to help your parents spot these red flags. 6 months and added to the will I'm absolutley gobsmacked, I don't like the speed of it all and I would actually bloody worry if your parents were safe.