Parents new “friend”

[Itllbealrightonthenight]

I feel uncomfortable about my parents new friend, let’s call her Tracey.
My parents are in their early 60’s, both retired and have plenty of friends and family around them. Almost overnight this Tracey has become part of their everyday lives. Tracey is 26 and according to her, has crappy parents which is why my parents have taken her under their wing. She drives to their house for dinner several nights a week, goes shopping with them, goes to the gym with Dad 3 times a week. I met Tracey for the first time recently and she was pleasant enough but dismissive of me and made no effort to get to know me. I made a conscious effort to get to know her and make her feel welcome - because my parents have grown close to her. But she wasn’t interested and actually made me feel like the stranger in the situation. To my shock she repeatedly called my parents Mum and Dad. That made me feel really uncomfortable around her and I’m suspicious of how quickly she has formed this deep bond with my parents. I can’t help but question her motives. My parents have accepted her life story as she tells it- a neglected child. But the reality is she’s 26, an adult and my parents don’t actually know her yet. She lives with her Dad who she says isn’t supportive. Her mother is elsewhere and she too doesn’t have a good relationship with her. Apparently.
Im suspicious about her intentions and also peed off that she and my parents have totally disrespected me by allowing her to call them Mum and Dad. They’ve known eachother for 6 months!
Thoughts?

Oh my goodness....just remembered. I don't post three times on the same thread, but ...someone's father was lonely, his son did not even care to visit regularly or even help. A lady from down the road started visiting and shopping for the old guy. He included her in the will and she got such a lump sum which paid off her mortgage. A true story - you have to look your situation from all angles

dad had a cleaner similar ,kept going round for meals, he would buy her and her fella fish and chips, i used to check when she was ment to of cleaned not much cleaning done, then i found out he lent her money.be very careful my dad wouldnt except anything dodgy was going on,it put a real wedge between dad and i,he was very ill on his last few months during covid when he was very ill with severe breathing problems actually on oxygen she would turn up with a chest infection, i went mad he caught a chest infection got rushed to hospital and died,i change the door locks the same day he died,good luck,,dig deep internet etc.

I'd tread very carefully if I was you. There's potential you will come across as jealous of their relationship or not wanting to share an inheritance. If Tracey is out to exploit your parents you don't want to give any ammunition for her to manipulate things and make you and your DD look like the bad guys. If people are isolated from your parents it makes them easier targets and there's less people they can confide in if something does happen.
I'd be very kind and friendly with Tracey and do everything to maintain the relationship with your parents. If anything dodgy starts happening eg lending large amounts of money, more young people coming to the property, things going missing etc raise it in a polite but questioning way with your parents to get all the info you can. If things like this do start happening I would be contacting the police.

Calling them mum and dad is very, very weird and I can’t imagine most people would accept that, no matter how much they liked her. She sounds like she’s after something.

Perhaps tell your parents a “story” about a friend of a friend’s parents who got conned by a sudden new friend and see if that makes them think.

oh my goodness, Church of England are full of such stories. What can you see in the woods also

For gods sake get a private investigator! I say this as someone who was in your daughters position here, in relation to my grandad. He met a younger woman at a spiritualist church, which he had attended in the hope of reaching my deceased grandma. This woman was added to the will, took loads of trinkets from the house to sell. We found she had shacked up with another vulnerable man shortly after my grandads death.

So weird. My MIL (90s) has a friend who visits at least every fortnight (drives over an hour each way) and is younger than me (50s) but she is the daughter of MIL's neighbour who died a few years ago, so at least there is a connection. She's quite controlling, but I don't think she's after anything as she has a good job and has I imagine always had a good income.

I just find it weird that she wants to spend to so much time with a (lovely, but fairly dull, and rather deaf) old lady! She is quite old in her ways, and single - but does have some family and friends. MIL pays her to do a few gardening jobs but that's a recent development. All very odd. But she doesn't call her Mum and she's always friendly to us.

But your scenario seems really weird. I would definitely do some digging, and have words at the very least. And talk to your parents as well. Good luck!

I've got a crap mother and have adopted mother figures over the years, it is a fairly common occurrence when you don't have a decent parent figure. One I did call mum but it was "mum name" not just mum. We both filled a void for each other as her kids didn't give her as much time as she wanted (although if not say they gave her no time at all- more they didn't appreciate the sacrifices she had made for them or have any obvious love for her). I just desperately needed a mother figure. She gave me so much advice, listened to my problems and we hung out and had fun. She did often pay for meals as she had disposable money and I didn't. I know one of her dd absolutely hated me- particularly over the use of "mum" and from the outside it would have looked like the situation you described.

She died slowly of cancer and i asked for a cheep garden ornament and she gave it to me. I would never have accepted anything more- not when she had her own children. She called me her daughter and treated me as her daughter but I wasn't in the will and I didn't need to be there was nothing so precious as the love she gave me. I've never mourned like I did when she died, I recently lost a parent and it was nothing compared to the grief I felt loosing her. My own dd is named after her and it breaks my heart she never met her.

I think the key thing here is the will. If your parents want to have a parenting relationship with her then there is nothing wrong with that but she shouldn't be in the will for anything valuable just a token to remember them by would perhaps be acceptable. If your parents choose to include her in the will that would be their choice and you should accept it but they should tell her she's not in it and if her being included has been prompted by her then that should be pointed out to them.

I just comment here because I wanted to acknowledge my surrogate mum really. She was a wonderful person

yess, but do something about it, my dear

Agree, do not delay.

A friend's mum died and some woman befriended his dad and ended up with all mum's jewelry, tons of cash and antiques, and binned family photos and mementos in the guise of helping to "clean." When dad went into care home and was of no further use to her, she disappeared.

I'd be astounded if this for real. And as for the posters asking if there is a POA in place, signs of dementia, etc, need to give their heads a wobble. OP has said they're in great shape mentally and physically - as are the majority of people in their early 60s (unless you're one of the Mumsnetters thinking that dementia sets in for most people at 50s). They have loads friends and family around who would talk sense to them. This is surreal. If it is for real there's a whole pile of info we don't have.

It will end explosively and for good when the poster mans up and does what she needs to do, including her brother.

right, mother and father, this is what we see here with sis, we need copy of the will, full POA's arranged, locks changed, your free time routine and if you love us, get rid of this intruder.

If the parents do not oblige, it only will tell what kind of people they are. Why even bother with them after that if they have lost their minds but actually still seem to be with it. That would be an insult to me, to my deepest feelings as a daughter. If they are so vile and stupid, let them go where they want and take with them the whole lot, including Tracey. Big deal. Is it about their money or their love.

She sounds delightful. What an absolute load of crap she telling your parents and unfortunately they are believing her sob story. A trip to the police station is a must . Is Tracy even her name and does she really only live with her dad. I would be fuming if someone else called my parents mam and dad.

It will end explosively and for good when the poster mans up and does what she needs to do, including her brother.

right, mother and father, this is what we see here with sis, we need copy of the will, full POA's arranged, locks changed, your free time routine and if you love us, get rid of this intruder.

If the parents do not oblige, it only will tell what kind of people they are. Why even bother with them after that if they have lost their minds but actually still seem to be with it. That would be an insult to me, to my deepest feelings as a daughter. If they are so vile and stupid, let them go where they want and take with them the whole lot, including Tracey. Big deal. Is it about their money or their love.

OP, please ignore this advice. It's a grossly controlling and violating and will only drive your parents away. Your parents are competent adults and this isn't about you. Absolutely do be on watch and carefully express your concerns that your parents kindness might be taken advantage of while keeping Tracey at arms length yourself, but don't infantilize your parents or try to make this about them proving how much they love you vs someone else or turn it into some territorial pissing match.

It's so disrespectful to call someone mum when you know it upsets the actual children!

sounds like the starting point of a novel

Are you sure she's not your Dad's daughter?

If she claims to have been neglected as a child, how come she's still living at home? Not to mention she claims father isn't supportive - he's supporting her by letting adult daughter live at home.
sounds a real sponger

I would be very open with them about how you feel and how you see this situation. There’s only so much that you're going to be able to do at this stage but I would approach them gently with all of your concerns. Tell them that you'd feel better if they locked their valuables in a safe (if they haven't already). Ask them to promise you that they won’t give her significant sums of money, assure them that you know they’re not stupid but remind them that people can be incredibly cunning. They may not see it at all initially but you need to start by planting a seed of doubt in their minds.

@eggplant16
How are they "doddery"?
OP says they go to the gym, run a few times a week and are fully compos mentis.

Lots of things spring to mind here OP. First of all, what does your brother think, has he met her?

My instinct tells me that this woman is being distant with you in the hope of stopping you visiting when you know she’ll be there, as you’ll feel uncomfortable in her presence. The same with the flirting with your daughter, ie, make your DD feel uncomfortable, and she won’t go visit while she’s there.

I think in your shoes, rather than calling her out in front of your parents or anything like that, I would be visiting often when you know that she’s there, and in front of your parents, saying things like, oh it’s so nice getting to know you, why don’t you come over to mine one night, we can have a girly night, have a few glasses of wine, etc? She’ll probably make an excuse if things are not as she would have you believe, but if you can put her in the position where she has to turn you down in front of your parents, like, ‘Oh, I’m not much of a drinker’, then you could say, well ‘How about a movie together at the weekend?’ Come up with as many, varied ideas that you can, so that if she turns them all down, it will look like she’s being churlish in front of your parents, and they might start to wonder why she’s turning down the offer of friendship from someone nearer her own age. If that doesn’t work, and you get really worried, would your DD be prepared to make up some excuse to move in with them for a while. If they feel that this woman is filling a gap in their lives, then the chance to have their GD move in, may well see their interest in her fading rapidly.

Another thought would be to ask your DM on the quiet, if she’s your Dad’s love child, or even ask if she thinks he’s having an affair with her, pointing out that while there is a big age difference, it’s not unheard of, and it worries you the way she’s always hanging around him, etc., maybe give your Mum pause to wonder about this, then if she thinks she might be a threat, she could well become unwelcome really quickly.

On the other hand, if your DB feels the same way about her, you could always get him to warn her off, being really nasty and threatening, but obviously not where your parents can see or hear. Then if she were to run to your parents and tell them that he’d threatened her, you could ask when it happened, and say ‘well that’s a lie, as he was with me on that day/time’

Hopefully some ideas there for you to think about.

I'm 61 and would see through this chancer in an instant. Def need to protect them, tho I can't imagine why they're so easily taken in?

Nearly happened with my late MIL, but the perpetrator was seen off by family.

I their 60s? Being As they could still be working I doubt OP could just get POA!

This happened with people I knew. Turned out the husband was helping the young woman with her onlyfans work. His wife left him and now he lives in Nuneaton.