Parents new “friend”

[Itllbealrightonthenight]

I feel uncomfortable about my parents new friend, let’s call her Tracey.
My parents are in their early 60’s, both retired and have plenty of friends and family around them. Almost overnight this Tracey has become part of their everyday lives. Tracey is 26 and according to her, has crappy parents which is why my parents have taken her under their wing. She drives to their house for dinner several nights a week, goes shopping with them, goes to the gym with Dad 3 times a week. I met Tracey for the first time recently and she was pleasant enough but dismissive of me and made no effort to get to know me. I made a conscious effort to get to know her and make her feel welcome - because my parents have grown close to her. But she wasn’t interested and actually made me feel like the stranger in the situation. To my shock she repeatedly called my parents Mum and Dad. That made me feel really uncomfortable around her and I’m suspicious of how quickly she has formed this deep bond with my parents. I can’t help but question her motives. My parents have accepted her life story as she tells it- a neglected child. But the reality is she’s 26, an adult and my parents don’t actually know her yet. She lives with her Dad who she says isn’t supportive. Her mother is elsewhere and she too doesn’t have a good relationship with her. Apparently.
Im suspicious about her intentions and also peed off that she and my parents have totally disrespected me by allowing her to call them Mum and Dad. They’ve known eachother for 6 months!
Thoughts?

You are probably very busy! But -
Sometimes parents get bitter, think children are too wrapped up in their own lives and don’t get in touch with them enough. They seize on a young person like Tracey who takes notice of them and spends a lot more time with them than their own children do. There’s something in it for both sides -

• for Tracey, meals, treats, attention,
• for the parents, attention and a way of letting you know that if you are sometimes too busy, here’s diligent Tracey to fill the gap.

Our aunt went down this road, in her 80s. She began referring to a friend’s daughter as her own, because they had stuff in common and she was not seeing enough of her own daughters. Her own daughters got pretty upset but the result was they were very careful to keep more in touch with their mother.
The Will suggestion is a red flag. It could be your parents saying indirectly, we might leave money to someone like Tracey if she seems more of a daughter to us.
Don’t give Tracey the satisfaction and stay close to your parents.

I would tread carefully - I’m the age of your parents, fully compos mentis, and would not appreciate my ACs trying to tell me who my fiends should be.

But would you be letting said friends call you Mum/Dad & leaving them something in their will?

its beginnning to sound very odd. The gay body builder, the will and the doddery 60 somethings.

Yep I know to some this will sound ott but in this day and age where ppl do con their way into others lives it's better to be safe then sorry. I'd be doing the exact thing in this post if it were my parents. Even if it's innocent it's certainly not healthy to attach yourself at the age of 26 on to a couple way way older then you. And going to the gym with your dad, why ??? Op you are right to be worried and I think you should be vocal.

I don’t blame you at all for being suspicious. Especially given she is quite dismissive of you as the actual daughter.

Sometimes parents get bitter, think children are too wrapped up in their own lives and don’t get in touch with them enough. They seize on a young person like Tracey who takes notice of them and spends a lot more time with them than their own children do.

Tbh if my parents did that it would probably make me pull away more.

Want to substitute me because I don't do what you think I should-fill your boots!

Op you are right to be worried and I think you should be vocal.

Well it seems Op tried that & it put their backs up!

Crikey. She sounds like a piece of work.
To call them mum and dad is very strange indeed. And it obviously doesn't suit her narrative to have you around, OP!
I'd be very surprised if they hadn't spent anything on her already. If not, that will come.
YANBU and I don't blame you for feeling worried, upset and annoyed.

Don’t be silly. Everyone should have POA set up for themselves, even if you are young or in good health. Anything could happen, would you really want your local authority to have to make decisions on your behalf? Or a family member you love and trust?

Sounds to me like she is after a place in the will

OP, tread very carefully here.

Once she is in the will, your parents could be at risk.

I too would be doing some deep dives into her and her circumstances. Maybe she has mental health issues or equally she could just be a calculating individual with ill intent. Either way, she seems to be worming her way in and needs to be stopped.

Blinking heck. My daughter doesn’t even really like our DIL of 18 years calling us mum and dad!

I agree with letting her know you’re keeping a close eye on her and definitely call her out on the mum and dad thing.

Sounds daft, but have your parents got a dog? Sounds like they could do with something to look after. Maybe suggest a puppy?

Thoughts?

So your parents are in their early 60’s, both retired.
Your daughter is 23 years old.
Your parents recently met Tracey who is 26 and Tracey now calls your parents Mum and Dad.

My immediate thought is that it is the school holidays.

Watch she isn't after a will and will fraud one. I heard of this happening and the 3 adult children were too scared and lost out. Lost around 400k. The guy who did also wormed his way in. Its disgusting and to be honest I wonder of karma will come around.

The worst of it is that he made her sign the will on the deathbed. She only wanted to leave him a small percentage instead he took the lot except a small amount. Worst thing no proof so could never be charged.

Very odd and in my experience, and others I've seen, it never ends well.

Personally similar happened to me with a girl and my Dad, humored the whole thing (thankfully my Dad isn't daft and knew what she was about)

The whole dynamic of it being very intense normally means it either fizzles out or ends explosively, Id definitely do do digging about her though OP.

@Itllbealrightonthenight This sounds seriously dodgy. You'll have to pay careful attention with this interloper.

Nannycam? Are you suggesting that OP spys on her early 60s only just retired and apparently quite compos mentis parents?
If one of my DC did that I would be tempted to cut them out of my will.
And all those people saying power of attorney - can that be used to stop someone who has capacity doing what they want with their money because the person holding the POA feels it's the wrong decision?
That sounds abusive to me.
The situation sounds odd,and a bit concerning - but these aren't frail elderly people (I'm early 60s!)

It sounds like she's filling a gap that you and your daughter are leaving? And I don't mean that unkindly. Your parents have latched onto her through needs of their own that aren't being fulfilled. You say that they have a large circle of family and friends but if that's true, surely there wouldn't have been a place for Tracey to fill.

Between your DD and yourself, and roping in other family, I would make sure that someone is nearly always with them and make it very clear to Tracey that there is no place for her in their lives. No one needs to fall out or make drama, but at the moment she's had the space and opportunity to get her feet under the table. So take that away from her. And I would also involve the Police by letting them know your concerns. Your parents sound very vulnerable, not a nice thing to address but she could be sharing their details with anyone.

You don’t have to be frail and elderly to be taken advantage of. I know someone in their 20s who was targeted for money and that started out as a ‘friendship.’

Op to change your will isn't as easy as just calling the solicitor to say make a change please. It will cost money and need to be witnessed and so on and it's actually a rather annoying process. Does he really value this person this much to go to all the trouble of doing this after just 6 months.. are your parents really this silly ? If they are you really need to speak up in front of everyone. How can random Tracey think it's OK to go in their will? How can both your parents think this is ok?

This is sounding like the beginning of a Patricia Highsmith novel. OP in the assumption that this is real, I think you should listen to your gut, not trust her, maybe gather info about her if you can, even get a private detective onto her to see if she has previous for forming relationships with older persons and financially exploiting them. You can se e if she has a CCJ here https://www.trustonline.org.uk/?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAACoaIqiz4b9WnkxuxaLLINkg9QBd9&gclid=CjwKCAjw74e1BhBnEiwAbqOAjPB2fSJ25lrMgFWMHArVwdPw9z9Z0ggLPiS9F8AKw_Me5RVo0LhULBoCT_4QAvD_BwE

For all those doubting this because of the ages, I'm early 60s with a granddaughter of 22. It's really not that odd!

I wouldn't agree that the parents sound vulnerable really, and certainly not in a situation where you could invoke a LPOA even if you had it, but it's possible for anyone to be targeted and conned.

It all sounds pretty weird to me, but I'd be more than upset if my kids put a nannycam in my house, even with good reason. There's still time for this to be checked and talked out. I'd have a word with them about leaving anything precious or with sentimental value around though. Bits of jewellery etc are easy to pocket on a "trip to the loo" and once they're gone it's almost impossible to get them back.

OP, if I were you I'd invite my mum out for coffee, just the two of you, and share your concerns. Even if you broach it as feeling a bit uncomfortable about the "Mum and Dad" thing, or your dd's feelings, it's somewhere to start.

Not sure that this is relevant to anything the OP has raised.

However, my uncle became a great grandad at 54 so yes it's perfectly possible for them to have a 23 year old granddaughter

A weird stranger who called my parents mum and dad would get very short shrift from me.

How do you think your parents would react if you told them your DD doesn't want to visit them if the leach is there?

Surely that would give them pause?

I'd be very worried if it didn't.