To have told son I couldn’t go swimming as I have a period

[Bouliegirl]

This morning DS8 asked if we could go swimming. I told him no, as I have a period. But we could probably got at the weekend. He was happy enough and shuffled off

My MIL was horrified that I told him this and said that I shouldn’t be talking about periods with a male relative

I think you are being very generous

I think it's good and healthy to talk about it OP. My mother had a hysterectomy when I was about 3 (only disclosed to me as an adult) so she didn't have periods and I had absolutely no idea what was happening to me when I first got mine.
They should definitely be talked about in casual conversation, in my opinion

Of course it's absolutely fine to tell your son you can't swim because you've got your period. Your MIL is just old fashioned. Mine was the same, when we used to go and stay with them, I'd put my big box of tampax by the toilet and she'd hide them away in a cupboard! 😂 my 5 boys knew about periods from a young age and never batted an eyelid - it's a perfectly natural bodily function and nothing to be ashamed of! They are good with providing painkillers and hot water bottles when their girlfriends need them too 😊

I don't know what's the most depressing

that some "women" can be so stupid and narrow-minded - but we assume they are women, after all it's anonymous, which would explain a few things if they are not women or female or whatever the term is today

or that so many of us struggle with debilitating periods and it's considered "normal" enough that nothing is done about it

I went years ago and said I think I've got endometriosis. They offered me the pill and said nothing else they could do

Ended up changing doctors and was sent for a scan (this is 8 years later) because of pain. They tried to scan my ovary to find I have such severe endometriosis that my ovaries are kissing (tied with scar tissue)

Just had an MRI but it was a years wait for gynae and now facing temporary medical menopause and a big operation

They say if the pain gets too bad to go to a&e but when it's that bad I can't move

No of course YANBU but all these women lecturing others on their own periods! Unless you've experienced flooding and very heavy periods you don't understand what it's like and how heavy the flow is and you flood WHATEVER you're wearing. My saving grace has been tranxenamic acid but I don't always take it soon enough or miss a dose and I'll flood a super plus tampon AND a pad during the first couple of days.

OP you are not being unreasonable at all for all the reasons covered already.

My takeaway from the thread in general is that "a woman's place is In the wrong" and probably always will be.

Sorry, I think you misunderstood my post (maybe it was ambiguous). I meant that the MIL was a silly woman for saying OP shouldn’t be talking about periods to a male relative.

Possibly she just said the words that came out of her mouth to answer his question. She wasn't preparing a lecture to explain everything he needed to know about periods for the rest of his life.

YANBU to talk about periods with your son.

YABU to not go swimming because you're on your period, unless your periods are so bad that you need medical attention.

Read the thread? There's lots of reasons why some women can't swim

I have a migraine and cannot go swimming would better describe what was actually happening.

Do the women saying this on this thread genuinely not know a single woman who floods?? Baffling.

It’s sad. The presence of women like that on this thread explain why I’ve come across unsympathetic female health professionals and just female professionals in general within the workplace who show less understanding and sympathy than their male counterparts when I’ve spoken about period related sickness.

They are an absolute plague upon women, because they’re probably also telling the men in their life that “periods are very rarely that bad for women” and “women who say can’t do x, y and z are being OTT”.

These are the women spreading harmful misinformation, not OP.

And how is a moon cup going to stop her getting a migraine?

The OP has mentioned both heavy flow and migraine as the reasons she doesn’t swim on her period.

Ignoring the fact that not all women can use all types of san pro and not all women can find a solution to what for many is inevitable leakage, she still doesn’t want to be out swimming when she gets a migraine. I don’t blame her.

I swam with tampons when I was younger and on the combined pill for years. Once I came off the pill to try and have a baby, it wasn’t possible anymore and especially not as I approached 40. I needed to wear super plus tampons and maxi/night pads for 4 or 5 days even while taking taking tranexamic acid. I used to sleep on towels to protect the bed. I also suffered with intense period pain which could be debilitating (waits for someone to advise me to take a couple of paracetamol and I would be fine).

OP there is nothing at all wrong in what you said. I am sure your DS will learn in time that women are different and not all are affected by their periods in the same way. There is no rush.

It helps no-one to pretend that women are not affected by their periods when so many are (heavy flow, pain, bloating, migraines, PMT etc).

The lack of empathy on this thread is astonishing.

It sounds like it's not a good idea to share it because you're obviously just going to be told to: get a moon cup; wear a super plus tampon; use period pants etc, etc as if these things had never occurred to you.

I'm also guessing they're the same kind of people who say about unpleasant male partners that the OP should try and understand, be more sympathetic; he might have ND/depression/anxiety etc. Because god forbid we should give other women any understanding or empathy. We need to save it for men.

It's so depressing that women just don't stand up for each other.

This is 2024 not 1894. Of course you can go swimming with a period.
Of course your son should be told all about periods & they should be openly discussed too

Tell me you haven't RTFT without telling me.

🙄

@Snugglemonkey but the OP floods as well so it wasn’t just down to the potential migraine that she wasn’t able to take her DS swimming

You obviously haven’t suffered extremely heavy periods with clots that make it past tampons and any attempt at containing it.

Of course periods should be discussed with children, both male and female.
However I would be very worried if my period affected me so much that I could not go about my daily life on a monthly basis. If you are still bleeding through a tampon plus period swimwear, you should be being seen by a gynaecologist (I know appointments are like gold dust nowadays). Imagine if you had a period on a long awaited summer holiday? You can't exactly tell your children that the pool is out then. I hope you are getting medical help for this OP and no just putting up with it.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong in you saying this to your son. When he’s older he will see that some women with lighter periods do swim and some don’t. All sounds good to me.

Be quiet.

Do you know how many times I saw the doctor as a teenager about my periods? And in adulthood worried about my fertility?

How many tests I had done that came back showing literally nothing wrong. Invasive scans, blood tests, all sorts.

Everything showing I'm perfectly healthy, just so happens my body throws out everything FAST and thick.

I am not the only one whose body works like that. You are not the only one who doesn't get impacted like this. There's also millions in between.

Don't presume that because it's not your experience, there's something wrong.

nothing wrong with you except a nasty temper then