Children's services use people for their own benefit.

[Sunshineandpool]

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

I feel that Children's services were happy to use my family when they felt it benefited them. But quick to drop us when it doesn't. And it is very much to benefit them and not the child.

I don't want to go into massive detail but we were asked to be very involved with the child - myself and my children. Once plans changed my children were not able to see the child again. I continued working with Children's services and helping with whatever they asked, while advocating for the relationship between the child and my DC to be maintained. They wanted me to support contact between the child and parent which I have done. They no longer want me to do that but instead of giving me the courtesy of telling me themself they left it for there to be a huge scene with the contact staff and us, really distressing and upsetting the child.

It's all really upset me, not for myself as, as an adult I will have to get on with it. But for the children that are collateral damage.

How old is the vulnerable child? Why has the child not been placed with the wider family? What is the overall plan going forward for the child?

Hence why taking away the stability a Dc had with family is not a good idea.

Well then it won't be that long? six months max?

Unless they don't agree there is stability.

Social services massively use kinship care - although being better for the child is part of it, it also means they can get away without offering financial support.

Social services have inadequate budgets and kinship carers can be used as a cheap resource.

That is not the case in this situation. And it makes no sense that a family is asked to care for a child but they are also 'chaotic and will drag them back into the dysfunction!!' Believe me, there is nothing chaotic and dysfunctional about my family. Within the blood family, yes. Which was why I was asked to support.

why don't you offer to be the child's Kinship carer?

Yes, I have been asked to support this contact with a parent as I said. They are not still settling into their foster carer's that was some time ago.

And that is my point. The LAC should not have to have family ripped from their life that they have strong bonds with - their needs for stability should be paramount.

sadly this is the fall out of children being removed.
Your options are to either offer to foster the child yourself or accept that they are in the care system and this brings challenges.
Ultimately the fault here lies with the child's parents (unless something genuinely outwith their control like serious illness/ disability). Not fair to blame the social workers.

Yes, I hope so. She seems very nice although she does struggle a bit with the child. She does care a lot, though and does nice things with him.

It may well happen but the damage will be done by then.

The damage was done long before this.

The DC is 3. There is no one for them to be placed with. I wasn't able to have them live with me as I don't have the room and also have 2 SEN DC that have to be my priority. The DC is in long term FC with the plan for them to be eventually reunited with a parent.

@Sunshineandpool im so sorry you and your family are going through this. Sounds like social services are ticking the box of the child now being in foster care and they don’t want (or don’t have capacity) of that going to that extra effort of ensuring the child keeps their bonds with you and your family as well. Something that as you point out would be so helpful and lovely for the child. I’m sure you must miss them so much and it must be heartbreaking for you. You were there for them at a crucial time and that counts for so much.

No, it will definitely be longer than that if it ever happens. I doubt it will be possible now I've had to walk away.

I would throw my efforts into supporting the parent get themselves together. Social services duty is to the child and will not do a lot.

Why would they ask me to care for the DC if they do not think my family is stable, though?

Sorry to be blunt but if you were never going to be able to take the child you not having contact won't make any difference to how long they are away for.

If they can’t live with you then they will need a clean break from the family if there is no one else to care for them.
It’s in the child’s long term interest to be separated from the family that can’t give them a stable home.

I don't have the space and also 2 SEN DC that have to be my priority.

I was talking in general- they may initially have been happy enough but as time has gone on been less happy? Who knows.
They could be looking at adoption.

Stable is the wrong choice of words- more like too close to the trauma.

Oh gosh, I think I remember one of your other threads where you were trying to work out if your boys(?) Should share a room to take care or the child?

I think you are doing the best thing for your immediate family. You can still be a safe adult to the child but it's likely to have a longterm affect on them. If SS aren't allowing continued contact then your decision is made.

Have a large glass of wine tonight and be proud of everything you've done for the child ❤️

But this wasn't the fall out of the DC being removed. I was seen as useful to support contact then. It was the fall out of me now not being useful. The SW has the choice to maintain the relationship between our family and the child. They did when it suited them.

The child was removed from one parent due to illness. The other wanted to care for them but are an ex LAC themselves and were ultimately too damaged. Which is exactly what is now happening to their DC. It's so sad.

Some damage yes. But the damage is continuing. It's not ok to say well they were already damaged so let's just carry on damaging them.

I would guess it is then a practical issue that the foster carer is refusing to facilitate contact and SW don’t have the resources to do it. Mileage costs too high/ no staff etc