Children's services use people for their own benefit.

[Sunshineandpool]

Just wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

I feel that Children's services were happy to use my family when they felt it benefited them. But quick to drop us when it doesn't. And it is very much to benefit them and not the child.

I don't want to go into massive detail but we were asked to be very involved with the child - myself and my children. Once plans changed my children were not able to see the child again. I continued working with Children's services and helping with whatever they asked, while advocating for the relationship between the child and my DC to be maintained. They wanted me to support contact between the child and parent which I have done. They no longer want me to do that but instead of giving me the courtesy of telling me themself they left it for there to be a huge scene with the contact staff and us, really distressing and upsetting the child.

It's all really upset me, not for myself as, as an adult I will have to get on with it. But for the children that are collateral damage.

So the placement with you broke down?

Within this situation is it possible for you to directly maintain contact with the child through the person who now cares for them?
I don’t think it’s fair to say that broadly children’s services do this but yes it seems that way for you and I’ve seen it other times

I don't have the energy to fight it anymore. I'm having to walk away for the sake of my mental health, my DC and the foster child.

You have been very vague. Social Workers would only have stopped contact for a reason. Which you haven't disclosed. Believe me they want kids off their books as quickly as possible and if they could get a child to family they would.

The only contact I have had recently is supporting a parent to go to the contact centre. They no longer need me to do that.

No, they were not placed with me, they were placed with a parent but I looked after the child several times a week and supported the parent. The placement broke down with the parent.

No, it isn't.

Presumably you can still see the parent whenever you want?
Without knowing the full details it is hard to say their reasoning for stopping child seeing your child but their priority will be to the removed child.

Well, of course. It is a sensitive situation, I'm not going to just put it all on the internet.

I have disclosed the reason - it does not benefit them anymore.

nothing about benefiting them- it will be that they don't see it as a benefit to the child they have removed.

If the child is now at home with it's parents (your relatives), why can't you maintain a relationship with them?
Do you seriously expect social services to continue to facilitate a relationship between this child and your children?

why do these threads always turn into foster carer bashing threads ?

I was a foster carer for 10 years, met many crap ones.

The child on the child protection or child in need plan will be the main concern. Unfortunately your feelings and those of your children are not part of their remit. Your children are safe and well cared for. If you want contact and are family then go through other family members to arrange to see them? It's great you were able to help when asked but they don't owe you anything in return. There could be lots of reasons why contact is no longer a good idea or it coujust be social workers have other things to prioritise. I think you have to let go I'm afraid.

Erm, well I could yes. But this is about the vulnerable DC who has had family members just disappear and my DC having the same rather than if we can see their parent if we want to.

I have said - the reason is because they will have to organise contact between the children. Stopping contact between them is not prioritising the foster child.

Sometimes children need a clean break and time to settle with their new foster carers. Especially if there is no plan for them to go home.

and many good ones no doubt .

I'm sorry but you are wrong and very naive if you think that.

Taking a vulnerable child away from the stable family they have developed bonds with does not benefit them in the slightest. It is well known how beneficial it is for a foster child to maintain relationships with their wider family.

oh yes absolutely- but I was explaining why social workers tend to try family first as it can be unpredictable with stranger foster carers. Plus not in keeping with the Signs of Safety model many areas use.

I think you have missed this DC is in foster care!

In SOME situations. Believe me I do know as it is part of my daily working life. Sadly many children in care have chaotic extended families who will drag them back in to the dysfunction even unintentionally.

@Sunshineandpool
Soc services will be supporting contact with birth family already presumably and it may be that any more contact would destabilise the chikd further whilst they are trying to settle into a new foster family. It is harsh but true that they are only interested in meeting the needs of the looked after child and will not the needs of your own children. It may well be that once the child has settled that contact could be arranged even informally with the foster carers . I know someone in that exact position.

I think you've misunderstood the impact on the vulnerable child which is more than the effect on my DC precisely because they are safe and well cared for. I have said I don't care about the effect on me. It has broken my heart but I'll just have to get on with it. It is the effect on my DC and more so the foster child that has really upset me.

I can't go through other family members to see the foster DC. No other family members see the child.

They don't owe me anything but they do owe the child, imo! And also they may not owe me anything but they have also lost my support now.

And yes, I have decided to walk away today.

This isn't what has happened and there is still a plan for them to go home.

The system is a mess. Just have to hope the child has got a good foster carer. But I would say that ultimately the child will reappear when they are older. In my experience the vast majority return to their birth family when they can choose for themselves.