Unbelievable birthright to my couch

[stupidfoolish]

We have a couch in the living room, and my partner likes to sit on a particular side. I also like to sit there, but my partner seems to think he has a right to that spot.

This afternoon, he was sitting there while I was at my desk sorting some things out. He went upstairs and was gone for at least 10 minutes. After finishing my work, I sat in that spot and changed the channel. When he came back down, he said “no, no” and pointed to where I was sitting. I explained that no one was there when I sat down, but he responded, “I only popped upstairs.” He was visibly upset and stormed back upstairs like a sulking toddler.

AIBU to think he is wrong? Is it unreasonable to think that anyone can sit in that spot if it’s vacant, especially if he’s been upstairs for 10-15 minutes?

My whippet is like you- no respect for ‘seating hierarchy’

Your finances seem odd?

Did you live together in your home for the first 8 years and have been jointly renting since? Have you ever actually sat down and budgeted with him? Have you told him he needs to contribute?

This! An agreement needs to be drawn up, perhaps in a rota style. Everyone in our house has a ‘spot’. Horrifying. Please sort out and post diagram.

My thought exactly!

OMG my Dad does this in his house, there is one chair which only he is allowed to sit in and no one else. When DH and I moved into our new house he tried to commandeer a seat on our new sofa like it was his own house!

This.
You had a home you'd cash bought outright, now you rent?

We have a meat thermometer tied, with a piece of hairy string (doesn't have to be hairy), to the coffee table for checking the temperature of a seat before we sit down - just in case someone may be back in a couple of minutes.

Me and my yougest son fight over a seat on the sofa. But usually it is first come first served leading to some funny races to the sofa when we see the other going towards it. But sometimes I will use my age privilege and tell(beg) him to move that I need to put my feet up (its the chezlong)
But storming upstairs is a step too far even if sometimes gets a bit heated
I also have my mug, my son has his favorite spoon( it has his name inscribed on it and none would dare to touch it) and each member of the family has their assigned seat at the table.
It's a personality thing. It really puts in a bad mood if someone were to use my mug. Happened with visitors. Horrible because I couldn't really take the mug out of their hand😫

An autistic one, and I wouldn't call it sulking it's actual distress. Maybe having a conversation about how it makes him feel and in turn make your feelings known and finding a common ground that works for both would help? Because you sound like a child with a toy making it known its yours bought with your money. Communication is needed here and if he's not a speaker then you should educate yourself of neurodiversity and work out what form of communication will work. I don't think he's necessarily childish I think he's massively showing autistic traits and you're the one who's being a bit childish.

Has op said he has a diagnosis or a suspected ND? This forum is so insulting to those who do have a ND, as soon as someone is stroppy, selfish, demanding straight away it and there's a thread how they are affecting others its 'you're horrible!! EDUCATE yourself!!'

Understandable but then if by any chance you find your son using your cup, you would not stump up stairs angry would you?
You son might do that if he is very young because he is a child but I wouldn't expect that from an adult

Mind you, it is not as if I use his mug all the time (it happened at most 2 times) only because there was no other mug available and the other time I used a mug which was part of a set that had several others of the same mug left in the cabinet. This is a mug he protested I bought in the 1st place.

I am normally upstairs most of the time especially in the winter and when downstairs I sit wherever I fancy at that moment if it's free. There is no point to get angry if someone is sitting where you like to sit.

I am sorry if anyone with ND feels insulted. This was and is not my intention.

He's never been diagnosed with ND and he is not ND.

I know what I am dealing with is a classic case of a childish grown man.

Most adults have not been diagnosed and if they go now then the wait is 8 years for adults. It's not insulting to be open to considering some may experience difficulties that others don't or that some may be undiagnosed. It would be insulting to assume everyone has no issues unless they are formally labeled. And not everyone with a diagnosis has the same issues

Are you basing this on the fact he's not been diagnosed or some professional knowledge? Because a lot of what you describe can be seen in a masking person with ASD who feels more comfortable to unmask in a safe place.

To be fair we have our "spots" on the sofa......and at the dining table, sides of bed and chairs on our terrace.

🤔 We are Sheldon and Amy Cooper (without the Nobel prize) 🤣

My daughter, now adult, also had her preferred spot on the sofa. She would tantrum and scream the house down if anyone else sat there. We ended up letting her have that spot to avoid the constant arguments. The sofa wore out in that spot only. I proposed buying a new sofa and she got really upset about it. We now have new sofa which she doesn’t like and she now sits in various different spots. She can’t decide. I suspect she is a little bit on the spectrum and that is why she doesn’t cope well with change and gets attached to certain things. It’s hard to live with as it seems petty on the outside but to her it really matters. Your partner probably can’t help it and can’t see it himself. No point in being petty back is my thought, but easier said than done I know. It may be that other aspects of his behaviour are down to being ND? Worth pointing out to him how to politely request his preferred spot on the sofa, preferred cup etc.

I might steal that idea.

Op you’re going on and on and on about how petty and childish he is. With no insight into how ironic that is , as you yourself are behaving like a child. Slagging him off over petty shit, proclaiming how it’s all yours, hurling childish insults at him.

just end the relationship, and honestly. Grow up.

I love this comeback. 😂

No I wasn't getting at you, at those who were berating you!

Maybe you could have a timer, it's set when they get up, and if not back in 6 minutes, seat is open!

When you have lived with a manchild & coped & know what it feels like then you can tell op to grow up. If you read all op's posts on here l then you will know that it seems op is frustrated by what's seems to steams from a whole lot of other issues.
I would like it if my partner protests bitterly about something I bought because I liked it then later made that same thing is favourite item and denying me from using it & sulks if I did even though is part of a set like op mentioned

My dh once made me a cup of tea in one of his mugs. I couldn't even stretch my hand out to take it nor say anything.
I'd never thought about it and we'd never discussed which was who's, it was unsaid rule.
bin that very moment, I wondered if he even knew me at all, after 4 years of marriage.
It was as if my brain shut down.
I eventually reluctantly took the mug but asked him to only use my mugs for my tea.
Sounds like you're done OP as this is one of those things that could be bearable with the right person.

In the past I had an argument with my husband where he claimed not to know I even had a special mug! The kids backed me up saying that they knew which was one my mug. And they were little still. I had never told them but they noticed!
That was over 10 years ago!