2 AIBU in one, table etiquette and in-laws..

[PardontheFrench]

This is a light humoured one (kind off)

In-laws down on holiday, it’s chaos round here as we are also moving this week, trying to pack and aware DH’s parents are also here to spend time with us and have a nice time, we are doing all the cooking entertaining etc.

Cooked a lovely meal around carnage last night, made sure everyone was sorted, DC, in-laws, dog was out of the way, drinks topped up sat down at the table to notice that in-laws had moved their cutlery round to their preferred position of knifes sitting with blades out, definitely not how I set the table!!

Firstly AIBU to think that everyone over the age of 12 knows the correct table setting etiquette is knifes with blades turned inwards

2nd AIBU that it’s fucking cheeky to be so self righteous that you make a show of your preferred way especially when you are bastarding wrong! in someone else house!

There have been many larger things over the years that have pissed me off but this tiny moment of exercising control has given me the rage like no other!

I doubt I'd even notice or care tbh.

I can understand that moment of highly flammable rage, given the situation you are currently in, but so long as they only move their cutlery, I would personally let them live. It's a matter of personal preference. . . (I'm with you, that would drive me nuts though!)

I honestly think it's something I'd do without thought absent mindedly

I had no idea that was an etiquette thing tbh and would subconsciously move my cutlery to my usual way of using it. I very much doubt they were trying to make a point.

Why the fuck would anyone in their right mind come down to be entertained and cooked for by people who are in the middle of moving?! And why would anyone put up with this!

Give them chicken drumsticks and no knives in future.

You sound like you need a big bottle of wine.

YABU though

Not lighthearte, it's just another tedious thread about manners and you don't sound lighthearted either. Just a bit martyrish.

They are your guests. Show some manners yourself. Their cutlery positioning makes zero difference to anybody else.

Tbf to in-laws, they booked the visit before the house move.

Would any normal person try and move the booking to alleviate some stress.. Yes

Do they have form for visiting at awkward times… Yes

Is it completely their fault, probably not so just a grin and bear it type situation.

It’s how they prefer eating and makes literally zero difference to you? Unless they’ve changed the entire table’s cutlery they’ve done nothing wrong.

OP, your parents in law sound insensitive types to visit when you’re about to move, and their messing about with the cutlery has proved the point. It’s irritating and I get that, but just be the bigger person (and make sure your DC know how to set a table - sooner or later, one of them will say something to your DILs).

Good grief, who cares? Getting enraged about the position of tableware is just daft.

Knives, if we’re being petty.

This.

Much more annoying to have to host people if you are moving. That’s an 8/10 on the bad scale. Cutlery positions is not even scratching 0.5/10.

I honestly could not GAF how people hold or place their cutlery. You should hold it how you feel comfortable.

People like you give me a headache.

I don’t use knives at all so a bit of a non issue. If someone wants to decorate the table with them good for them.

It's (a) wrong and (b) I'd be annoyed too if before they sat down however once you are sat at the table it's fair game to adjust your cutlery eg if left handed. But they are pretty weird, everyone knows blade in!

I’m willing to admit that tensions were likely a little frayed…

I had to dig through 10 boxes before I found the gravy boat, the cat had managed to get its tail covered if white paint 10 minutes before I served up and MIL had offended eldest DC about a comment on her supposed “low weight”

But it’s not really anything to do with how they how they eat, they can hold their cutlery how they please, it was the fact that they moved their cutlery all round, dinner knife, side plate knife as if to make a statement about how theirs was the correct way.

As a side point in-laws have always set their table like this is their own house. I know it’s both incorrect and not how I would do it but I would never go and move about the place settings to make a point as I believe it be quite rude.

Wait until they try to move your furniture!

I've never ever noticed anyone doing this with their knives. Why would they face their blades outwards? It's just so wrong.

How uncouth..
The savages.

Next time provide them with a shoulder bone and an antler for their 'cutlery'. It would be interesting to see how they arange that.

(I can't find the correct positioning in my copy of Debrett's, maybe it's in an earlier addition?)

No use in reading people's mind. You have no way of knowing what point they were or weren't trying to make. How much difference does it really make to you personally how they like their cutlery?
You are projecting in a big way and the only person it is hurting is yourself.

How do you cut anything before you eat it?