2 AIBU in one, table etiquette and in-laws..

[PardontheFrench]

This is a light humoured one (kind off)

In-laws down on holiday, it’s chaos round here as we are also moving this week, trying to pack and aware DH’s parents are also here to spend time with us and have a nice time, we are doing all the cooking entertaining etc.

Cooked a lovely meal around carnage last night, made sure everyone was sorted, DC, in-laws, dog was out of the way, drinks topped up sat down at the table to notice that in-laws had moved their cutlery round to their preferred position of knifes sitting with blades out, definitely not how I set the table!!

Firstly AIBU to think that everyone over the age of 12 knows the correct table setting etiquette is knifes with blades turned inwards

2nd AIBU that it’s fucking cheeky to be so self righteous that you make a show of your preferred way especially when you are bastarding wrong! in someone else house!

There have been many larger things over the years that have pissed me off but this tiny moment of exercising control has given me the rage like no other!

Who or what decides what the 'correct' manner of setting a table is??

They're ignorant OP and you aren't. Let that knowledge be enough for now, you've got more than enough on your plate, excuse pun.

The French

The only unreasonable thing is the search through packed boxes for the gravy boat.

Time has moved on and ergonomics is the name of the game - what works for you is how it should be used.

I really cant understand a persons need to have things "for appearance" "rules" wrote hundred years ago - as opposed to placing implements in the logical way that they are used.

I use the cutlery the "wrong way around" because my family travelled all over the world and guess what - there is a minefield of versions of what is "right". Thankfully my family decided early on to leave people to place the implements where it made sense for them and to concentrate on enjoying company and meals.

Quite. It’s literally just a convention. Totally different to “etiquette” around all sitting down together, talking politely, helping each other and making people feel comfortable. Quite why “I was brought up by a chef trained in silver service” translates to presuming that “everyone else knows and cares about this stuff as much as I do” I’m not sure. I was brought up by parents massively interested in English literature, and we would have lovely times quoting books and discussing novels at each other, and would also spend large chunks of dinner time reading books at the table. I wouldn’t presume everyone else did the same as me because they would presumably have different parents and different things to focus on.

Not quite genitals but I was once in the restaurant bar and grill (chain type restaurant) in Liverpool and a diner on the next table was using his fork to scratch his arms and then examining the tines i assume for dead skin.

No one in the world? Or the uk? Or your county ? Or the universe? Or in your social circle?

My mother.

This reminds of a moment in a P.G. Wodehouse novel when Bertie Wooster asks, "What do ties matter, Jeeves, at a time like this?", and Jeeves replies, "There is no time, sir, at which ties do not matter". Ditto table etiquette.

Also my mother. (I wonder if they would agree?)

This thread is interesting to me because it highlights, again, how strongly our early training in stuff likes this lasts throughout life.

I am quite old now and I’m still really, really trying to get over all my programmed-in snobbish nonsense from my mother and grandmother, but my first instinct is always to care about table manners, the ‘right’ words to use and how to pronounce things correctly. Before having a word with myself.

I’m not surprised that in a stressful moment for OP, that’s what annoyed her most.

I wouldn't draw attention to poor cutlery etiquette but I would judge 😄

I love a bit of righteous pettiness. DH and I had a silent war going on over the way the toilet roll should be positioned - I placed it with the sheets hanging from the front (the correct way 😌) and when he next used the bathroom he would alter it so the sheets hang from the back. We were as petty as each other, neither uttering a word but each of us changing the roll whenever we used the toilet. He gave up eventually - I knew he would. A small victory but an important one.

I had to dig through 10 boxes before I found the gravy boat,

I hope you also found the ladle and didn't pour the gravy from the spout!

Not sure why you’re getting such harsh replies, OP. Your in-laws sound petty AF.

Every day is a school day. I gad no idea about cutlery etiquette

I was watching TV- First Dates - a young woman was shown to her table and said "Oh. Knife and fork. I don't know how to use those". It does matter that people know how to behave in new social situations, it saves them embarrassment and from posting on MN 'everyone laughed at me AIBU?' For whatever faux pas has occurred. Although how you get to 18+ without using a knife and fork at least once is beyond me.

They only sound petty if you accept OP's reasoning that them changing the position of their cutlery was to make a point when it was far more likely just because that's how they like it.

OP thinks they were "correcting" it to how they think it should be and trying to teach her a lesson. Which is quite a lot of extrapolating from someone just exhibiting a preference

Use old fashioned fish knives (bladed both sides) daggers or dirks? Or something so ‘sushi chef’ sharp that outward blades are fluffing ridiculous.

lighthearted response from me! But it would bother me too if the blades were turned out, it’s just wrong. Like not having the loo roll the right way, or labels not facing the same direction. Yes, I’m a nightmare to live with. 😉😁

I understand about the cutlery @PardontheFrench (they are wrong) but you undermine your rage by spelling the plural of "knife" incorrectly.

I get it OP, the knives thing was really "and another thing" on top of the visit at an inconvenient time. My parents start driving me bananas the minute they pull into the drive and start faffing about where to park. Their visits are always better in concept than in reality. And the very thought of them coming during a house move gives me collywobbles. More wine?

I'd be fuming about a visit by anyone the week before I moved. Where people place their own cutlery, no fucks given. I swap my knife and fork around, it's not the end of the world.

I was expecting something far worse. First world teeny tiny problems. If that’s all you’ve got to worry about then good for you. I wouldn’t give a shiny shit about something like that. It might be just a little habit they have.

Yeah, but that is real! Totally on your side for toilet roll hanging at the front not back. When I was a child it was always the other way round. I had to survive my childhood trying to get to the paper behind the roll 🤣🤣 when I discovered the other way one time. It was a revelation and I vowed to hang it the other way 😂

Just put the cutlery in a pot in the middle of the table, or wrap each person's in a napkin. Problem solved!!

Pah - the correct table laying etiquette is to have your butler do it - peasants!