2 AIBU in one, table etiquette and in-laws..

[PardontheFrench]

This is a light humoured one (kind off)

In-laws down on holiday, it’s chaos round here as we are also moving this week, trying to pack and aware DH’s parents are also here to spend time with us and have a nice time, we are doing all the cooking entertaining etc.

Cooked a lovely meal around carnage last night, made sure everyone was sorted, DC, in-laws, dog was out of the way, drinks topped up sat down at the table to notice that in-laws had moved their cutlery round to their preferred position of knifes sitting with blades out, definitely not how I set the table!!

Firstly AIBU to think that everyone over the age of 12 knows the correct table setting etiquette is knifes with blades turned inwards

2nd AIBU that it’s fucking cheeky to be so self righteous that you make a show of your preferred way especially when you are bastarding wrong! in someone else house!

There have been many larger things over the years that have pissed me off but this tiny moment of exercising control has given me the rage like no other!

Yanbu. The audacity!

I would definitely have had to say something - made out I was joking but massively and passive aggressively took the piss.

Have you seen Americans eat? Bit of a generlisation but they use their fork to cut food up forgoing using a knife

Yeah it would wind me up but I do t think that's the cause of your stress it's just overwhelming for you, so the straw that broke a the camels back. They should have cancelled their visit and your dh should have told them to.

Why are you faffing around with gravy boats when you are about to move house? If they are graceless enough to invite themselves to stay at such a time, your in-laws should expect to take you as they find you. And maybe take you all out for dinner.

I'm not surprised she dosen't like them. I wouldn't like people who thought it was fine to impose themselves on family days before they move house.

For all OP’s highfalutin etiquette how can she spell knives as knifes, and not just once!

Ergo, she doesn’t like them so has been irked by the changed table settings.

Almost everyone does this at my dinners, I think nothing of it - they do what they like to feel comfortable. Surely hosting any kind of dinner means you want your guests to feel comfortable and relaxed, so they should have their cutlery how they wish.

Anyone hung up on this has a big back story or has totally run out of road patience wise. Step away and have a long break away from them.

This thread has been an eye opener as much about myself as other people.

I definitely did not grow up middle class but before my dad qualified in his chosen career he was a trained chef and did a lot of silver service work to pay the bills.

I guess because of that we were taught very early on how to lay a table, table etiquette such as working outside in with cutlery, knife and fork together when finished, waiting till everyone was sat before eating etc, as a child I would have presumed that everyone else was brought up like that too and as an adult I appreciate it as a etiquette I think my DC should also learn.

Maybe it is old fashioned but for me as someone who likes hosting, going out for dinner at family/friends as well as restaurants the process, the settings, the format is all part of the experience and lot of it is showing appreciation for your host and the food.

As far as the in-laws, their holiday and last nights meal are concerned, it wasn’t some kind of fine dining experience we provided for them, it was just a really lovely Sunday roast, with DH’s posh gravy that definitely deserved to go into a gravy boat rather than been poured from a pot!!

Me feeling the rage was and is probably a symptom of the stress we have been under but I stand by that if someone has hosted, been attentive and cooked for you it’s quite bad manners to rearrange the table to how you perceive the correct way. (especially if it’s not!! 😜)

Perhaps stop 'hosting', for your guests' sakes, it's really not your thing. For all your 'lightheartedness', your posts just don't read that way, just inveterate snobbery.

I would put money on it that you guests are aware of your views on each and every one of their transgressions. They don't deserve that.

I guess because of that we were taught very early on how to lay a table, table etiquette such as working outside in with cutlery, knife and fork together when finished, waiting till everyone was sat before eating etc, as a child I would have presumed that everyone else was brought up like that too and as an adult I appreciate it as a etiquette I think my DC should also learn.

All of those things are fairly common manners but the idea of facing a knife a particular way would never occur to me. I certainly wouldn’t worry about it for a meal at home especially when I’ve a hundred other things to think about.

Thanks for your concern but we have lots of lovely friends and family who come back here time and time again with only nice things to say.

Of course they may be lying but I’ll happily live in ignorant bliss.

That's how I would place it but don't know why, just how I'd learned. Not really that bothered, but the pointed correction would annoy me.

I guess they will be given the task of laying the table from now on. Might as well make themselves useful and they can have it to their liking.

Then will be will need to agree to disagree, cutlery being placed/set in the correct manner ie fork to the left, knife to the right with the blade facing inwards is the most basic part of setting a table.

I don’t think about it either, it’s just second nature to do it right.

Yabu. No one cares about etiquette anymore. They just want to eat their food

I think we need to disagree that “correct” facing of a knife in any way impacts the experience of the diner.

Then why, OP, start a thread purely to criticise your in-laws for turning their knives the other way around? Adding in a 'helpful' lecture as to how things should.be.done.

It's not amusing, not lighthearted and it's the same old rubbish that is spouted time and again on this board.

If you really think this way then whatever you say, you really don't understand hosting because it's all about your guests' comfort and wellbeing.

You’re making a mountain out of a molehill!!
It really really doesn’t matter which way round the knives face. In your situation I’d have popped down to the chippy and used disposable plates / cutlery just before a house move.

I've never seen knives with blades out-is it a "thing"?

Incidentally, I use my knife and fork in the "wrong" hands and sometimes swap them over when eating at other people's houses. I do hope I don't piss people off!
Them not at least helping with the cooking/packing etc would really infuriate me, though.

YANBU. They were guests, it was rude to change the table setting whether they liked it or not. Once cutlery is picked up though, it's over to them.

That said, I'd take that over MIL who can't help but talk with her mouthful. ALL. THE. TIME. And, I think as a consequence of never being able to have a dialogue over a family meal, DH who sits head down in silence and barely pauses for breath until he finishes.

OMG that sounds unbearable. You have my sympathy.

Did you not say to them I'm sorry we're going to have to cancel just been told it's moving week? If you did I'd have packed up kitchen and have paper plates and Ake out picnic

i Don't think I would have noticed that. It seems very trivial.

I also wouldn't use a gravy boat because they only hold tiny amounts. Gravy is delicious and should be served in half pint jugs as minimum and we would normally have 2 or three of those on the table for a family roast dinner.

Play the music from Psycho when you pick up your own knife

I like to set my table nicely but if someone changed it to make themselves feel comfortable then meh! 🤷🏻‍♀️
I don't like it when people don't hold their cutlery 'properly' but I wouldn't be rude enough to mention it at the table.
You sound like a snobbish bore to be honest.