1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

[Theseers]

It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on. I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

We managed to get to day 4 this year before it happened, a boy of around 7/8 edged his way over encouraged my mum. My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.

Ive lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.

Because it's backed up by statistics. And this is part of how it happens. Kids who are encouraged to develop these social skills early on do well later on in life.

Hard agree. MN seems to think only children are either spoiled brats who spend their days going 'me, me, me' or clingy, needy loners desperate for attention. The only kids I know, mine included, are down to earth, happy, secure and sociable.

I agree, there have been loads of dump and run posts of late, but reading the replies is still interesting.

Okay, my bad! I misunderstood you. I thought you were making a veiled dig that onlies were spoiled.

Statistics show this isn't the case and actually there are many benefits being an only child. So I wouldn't let this thread worry you.

Oh lord no! Like I said, I have two and that has benefits but I can't pretend it's been a wholly good experience for the older one.

But it's their family reality and, just like your DC, they'll have to deal with it.

Thank goodness @SnappyCroc
here I am happy with my only but panicking about having another due to all these stereo types and posters like these who have directed her reaction to the child instead of the parent.
if I have one I know to be always watching said child and not make sure he latches onto other families kids cause you no, just not on

I don’t think it’s anything to do with the number of children in a family. It’s everything to do with parenting styles. Some parents are involved and motivated. Some parents take the absolute piss.

The first time I took my kids abroad as a single parent was a perfect example. We’d had a really crappy time and I was so looking forward to totally relaxing and chilling with them.

We were approached at the gate in the bloody airport by a single mum with two kids who actually suggested there and then we could ‘buddy up’ for the holiday. I didn’t encourage her in any way but she and her kids turned into the holiday buddies from hell. Essentially she wanted a babysitter so she could focus on her tan and on day 3 she actually asked me if I could babysit so she could go on a date with one of the barmen 😆
She didn’t speak to us the next day when I refused but was back in full on buddy mode by day 5 🤔

I get where you're coming from. My DD has friends with SEN younger siblings and it's been really hard on them. They envy DD because she has our undivided attention (albeit when she wants it – she's a teen now and mostly in her room!). But equally we've probably been harder on her to buck the stereotype of spoiled brat – she doesn't get everything she asks for and when she was little we instilled it in her that she had to share her toys etc.

''oatmilk4breakfast
Don’t watch them. It’s not your job, you’re right. But have you considered that parents may not be having the ‘child free’ time of their life but just stepping back a bit to let kids play without helicopter parenting. It’s what children do, and no surprise that children want to play with other children. Luckily yours seem kind and inclusive, so well done for raising them like that, but sad to know that some parents actually just feel that they only want their kids to play with each other. Lucky you being able to have so many.

Such a good point!!!

In my experience the amount of time children get to be alone, or with other children, without a hovering adult these days is next to non-existent. I'm often seeking opportunities to let my children have freedom in an environment where I feel safe letting them explore/play away from me a bit so they gain experience of autonomy and a sense of self. I'm genuinely not doing it so I can absolve myself of responsibility and am usually trying to seem nonchalant whilst actually trying hard to be aware of where they are and what they're doing. Society makes me feel like I should be within arms distance of them at all times but I feel like that is seriously detrimental for their own personal development! You genuinely can't win!!''

Absolutely all of this.

There's lots of sneering towards the more hands off parenting style from helicopter parents as lazy, but I've only ever seen it as a considered option of making sure you're not writing a post saying 'what do you do for childcare in secondary' in x number of years.

Of course not. I've even had to call the police over a toddler I couldn't find a parent for near water. I've never known a parent to actually abandon a child but I'll not hang around beyond making sure someone is watching them.

The more I think about this the sadder I get and it's really distracted me this morning. Wish I'd never looked at it. The mass call out "1 child families + holidays + I don't want to watch your child". Why not just say this about any child if you hate it so much? Why target 1 child families? I always thought I would have more than one child and couldn't. Your comments have really upset me this morning. Risk you run looking at a forum I guess, but I just wanted you to know that you've opened up a lot of hurt for a lot of people this morning, no doubt. Hope it made you feel better.

I feel the same @oatmilk4breakfast. I was told a second child would be impossible. OP's sneery post was clearly designed to invite a mass punching down at only children and their parents. I hope they're proud of themselves.

If you don’t want more kids fine

It's not always a case of not wanting more.

It's not always as easy as putting an order in to Tesco. "I'd like four children, two of each kind please, nicely spaced".
☹

Whether or not you have an only child or not, having a child who is brave enough (or has had enough practice) when on their own to go up to other children and say "can I play with you?" is a good thing.

Of course you then need to teach them how to deal with rejection gracefully and they need to learn to amuse themselves without relying on others, but these are no bad things either.

It's the children who have limited opportunity to challenge themselves in this way - either because of hovering parents or because they've always had their "gang" with them and never had to put themselves out there - who I feel a little sorry for. We don't do our kids any favours encouraging them to be insular in outlook.

I entirely agree, OatMilk. It is shit, but (as demonstrated on this thread) if we call it out we are accused of having a chip on our shoulders.

Don't be upset oatmilk4breakfast

Yes, I have do have more than one but I know people who have struggled to have one and are so grateful for that blessing. That remark was needless and thoughtless.

Ps I wasn't an only but my siblings were much older so by the time I was 8 or 9 they no longer came on holiday with us.

I usually found a friend and often the parents would then pal up too.

It’s like everything in life isn’t it.

Some only are lovely well rounded children. Others are spoilt… same as children in a household full of children. That’s why you get the scapegoat, golden child yada yada.

If you on either side of the coin notice more traits from a particular group that’s how it’s going to feel like that group is.

Lots of people would say a house with four children must be a noisy house and how horrible that must be. But maybe they are four children who love to read and do arts and are gentle souls.

Maybe that only child came over because of your bundle of 3/4/5/6 was looking left out so they where being kind rather than lonely.

Maybe the one child is lonely and that’s why they came over. Maybe the game just looked fun.

But parents who effectively dump and run using strangers as child care are arses regardless of 20 kids or 1.

By 11 my oldest was competing in inter-county galas and could probably rescue me if I fell in.

As a parent of a single child I've found the opposite. It's usually a family where there is two children, with a younger toddler/ baby and they send their older child to play with mine so they can focus on their younger one.

And tbh if you engage in a certain sort of "involved parenting" in public places, you are going to attract extraneous children - it's inevitable. But that doesn't mean all the other parents should get up from the benches and come along and play football or pretend to be sea monsters - most playgrounds/soft plays/swimming pools aren't big enough for all the parents to parent in that way, for a start! If ever parent throws diving counters for their kids in the pool, it's likely to get cramped quite quickly.

Just out of interest, has anyone on this thread tried blowing bubbles for their DC in a playground but then been inundated by other annoying small children who have the temerity to also want to pop bubbles?

Mentioned it to DH - an only child - he think it doesn't happen to him when out when the kids were young because he male - he thinks it the old - lone woman with kids - ie low status - so everyone "resource" mindset.

Mil says they used to check it was okay and offer to watch the kids so other parent got a break or take turns in day- they didn't just assume.

I think OP you need better strategies if it keeps happened and you really don't like it - though such people tend to have thick skins and a lots of justification - but refusing to take on the responsibility mentally and making that clear without endangering other kids is probably only way.

What actually is the problem with this situation though?
How much 'watching' does a 7/8 year old need?

If your kids are happy playing with their new friend then let them get on with it. Do you actually have to do anything

What kind of idiot blows bubbles in a playground full of children and then is surprised that children want to pop bubbles
If you want a private bubble blowing experience you don't go to a public space!