1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

[Theseers]

It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on. I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

We managed to get to day 4 this year before it happened, a boy of around 7/8 edged his way over encouraged my mum. My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.

Ive lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.

No only parent I know carries a chip. But we do get regularly and repeatedly fucked off because of the ignorant and sweeping generalisations made by parents of multiples about our 'lonely' DC and our parenting abilities.

She dared to roll over on her sunbed? Christ. I missed that.

Hang her

Don’t watch them. It’s not your job, you’re right. But have you considered that parents may not be having the ‘child free’ time of their life but just stepping back a bit to let kids play without helicopter parenting. It’s what children do, and no surprise that children want to play with other children. Luckily yours seem kind and inclusive, so well done for raising them like that, but sad to know that some parents actually just feel that they only want their kids to play with each other. Lucky you being able to have so many.

I'm a single parent of an only child. Neither of us have any interest in making friends when we're on holiday. We enjoy each other's company and keep ourselves to ourselves.

On the odd occasion when a child has tried to join in with what we're doing I don't mind for a while but after 10-15 minutes I politely tell them to go back to their parents as we want to play on our own. I go on holiday to spend time with my child not to entertain a random.

Yes, I agree with this. Dh works long hours and was playing with our DCs in the garden, having some dad/kids time. Then the child next door was repeatedly calling dc1"s name, interrupting, standing on furniture to peer over the fence, encouraged by her Mum. Dc1 went over to be polite and said hi, she shoved plastic toys in dc1's face, dc1 wasn't interested and told her politely, then went back to dh. All I could hear was the Mum exclaiming loudly oh did they not like your toy, and go show this one. 🙄The kid again kept shouting for dc1, dc1 is ND, and was getting irritated, and again went over and politely told her "playing with dad right now, see you later." The little girl stared at them over the fence the whole time!
It was rude, I don't let my dcs stand on furniture and look into their private space.

Are there that many around that she meets them on every holiday?

When I've been on holiday most people are busy engaging with their children most of the time.

I’m in two minds here - it’s nice for kids to make friends on holiday, but they remain their parent’s responsibility unless explicitly agreed otherwise.

im sure the “oh well it’s just one more” mentality is very annoying!

When we have been on similar holidays, DS (much younger than Dd) has made friends with other children, although not usually large group families only interested in one another. Maybe an only child or another kids with a much older sibling(s).

The form, I’ve found, is to let them play whilst keeping an eye out for them, and after a while chat to the other child’s parents for a bit. If the kids get on, then sometimes arrangements are made to meet up again etc.

No one assumes the other parent has taken charge.

I am a single parent and I do get that sometimes couple parents think that gives you more time / ability to look after their child (why, I have no idea!) but usually we can avoid these people.

We found it the other way round in general, in the odd times we went on those kind of holidays.

Dd is an only child, albeit a young adult now.
She'd be happy playing with dh in the pool, or with me/both of us.
We found it was other children who wanted to play - dd was very sociable and happy to do so, though equally ally in her own company too. Because dh was in the water playing with dh he'd end up with other people's children joining in very often as well.

If dd made a friend we would happily let her play with them, keeping an eye from the side/lounger whilst also chatting and reading, etc.

We would never have expected anyone else to look after dd for us though.

There’s a big difference between children happily mixing with other children while the parent(s) keep an eye on them and parent(s) who absolve themselves of any responsibility for their own child or children expecting a strange to take over looking after them m. That’s being a cf in my experience.
My DCs always played with other children they met up with, no big deal, my DGCs are the same. Only yesterday the two DGCs went to play in our small park, met some children from the estate and all played football. DS popped along to check everyone was happy, zero expectations that other parents would look after them (8 &11).
I do know what it’s like being expected to look out for another child, we had a neighbour who would tell her DCs (young primary school age) to ‘Go and help Coffee with her gardening’- I soon told her that I wasn’t responsible for her DCs!

Also agree that if an adult is involved in a game, or actively playing with their children then they also become a magnet for other children.

This can be true, i agree, and it is annoying.

Surely if you had a million children so they would entertain each other, you're dong the same thing as the mother of the only child who is encouraging her child to hang out with your kids so she can have a break? Neither of you are mothers of the year 😂

You don't need to watch someone else's child... either you're there anyway watching your own children, or they're old enough to leave to it. Obviously you prevent them killing themselves, as I hope anyone would do if they noticed a child in danger. But you're not responsible for them.

This!!! We’re a one child family of a three year old and on our last holiday the older 5 year old sibling from a two child family latched on to us everyday day at the pool his dad ready a bloody novel!!!

OP please don’t enforce the false rhetoric that only child families are needy, you makes us sounds like weirdos. Get over yourself.

I don't know, you'd need to ask the op. I have found this to be a split tbh, there are too many unengaged patents, it doesn't matter how many kids they have, that has nothing to do with it imo.

Parenting styles vary & as long as children are safe & well cared for there is no right or wrong. Personally I'm one of the parents who would never take their eyes off under 10s on holiday. I still relax but while they are playing in the pool it would be either me or DH on the lookout or both. To add someone elses child into the mix would be a step too far. If an only child joined in I would have no hesitation letting the parents know their child is welcome to join in but I can't be held responsible if they have an accident. Hopefully this would be enough to make the parents lookout for their own child. I have had this happen on a few holidays OP & I agree you are right in feeling put upon.

I was that kid. We're a family of five, but I'm much younger than my siblings, so I often found myself alone as they grew up and moved out. It was quite lonely. My parents would play with me a lot but, let's face it, kids are more fun. So, I'd often go off to find friends at the park, the beach, or on rare family holidays.

You seem to feel like this is having a genuinely detrimental affect on your parenting experience. Do your children also not enjoy having additional playmates? Even when there are loads of you it can be fun to play with others. We always enjoyed having friends over etc, mixed up the dynamics a bit.

Learning how to approach and befriend others from a young age has been a real advantage in life. I'm good at making friends and get along well with a wide range of people at work and elsewhere. I genuinely believe this is largely because I learned early on how to connect with people from different families and backgrounds in various settings.

Now, I encourage my own kids to make friends and play with others and I'm more than happy to be the parent keeping an eye when other children come over to play with mine if we're in a situation which calls for supervision. Haven't felt like it's been a burden at all.

Would agree with others though it feels like an easy win to say to the parents 'just a heads up I've got my hands full being responsible for my 4 so, it's lovely to have them all playing together but I'm not actively keeping an eye out for 'x'. As long as you're happy with that!' or words to that effect. Seems like a swift and polite way to resolve your problem, set out expectations and still let the kids enjoy each others company without anyone feeling bad about it.

Whenever DH and I went on holiday with teen D's it was embarrassing as D's is very used to playing with younger DC as he has a lot of younger cousins he saw and played with a lot. We used to say go to him be careful with younger cousins. On the beach he'd be playing football with DH and younger DC would come to join in and DS was really good with them passing the ball to them with less force. Before we knew it he'd attracted 3 or 4 younger kids. DH came and had a coffee and DS was left playing football with these you get kids. After a while DS decided to build a big sand castle and these younger kids all helped him. After a few hours of him doing this one of the parents of one of the younger boys came over with an ice cream for their DS and 1 for my DS who they called his new friend. For the rest of the week wherever we went this 8 year old kept finding my DS and following him around, in the hotel pool, on the beach and even at crazy golf he popped up. My DS said he felt like a child minder while parents of this younger child used to hang around smiling and waving at their DS in the background.

Hmm. I think there might be a lot of 4 child families who are avoided by one child families this summer.

Another child, old enough not to need a parent hovering over them 24/7, is playing with your kids. That's a pretty normal thing to happen in any location where there are lots of kids playing. No-one asked you to watch the other kid. YABVU.

Such a good point!!!

In my experience the amount of time children get to be alone, or with other children, without a hovering adult these days is next to non-existent. I'm often seeking opportunities to let my children have freedom in an environment where I feel safe letting them explore/play away from me a bit so they gain experience of autonomy and a sense of self. I'm genuinely not doing it so I can absolve myself of responsibility and am usually trying to seem nonchalant whilst actually trying hard to be aware of where they are and what they're doing. Society makes me feel like I should be within arms distance of them at all times but I feel like that is seriously detrimental for their own personal development! You genuinely can't win!!

I used to get this on days out by myself with my three kids - hated it - especially as it was usually one child usually with several adults ie many pair of hands - few times I returned child and asked wtf - apparently they thought I was a child minder - despite my kids looking like and each other and them calling me Mum. Even if I had been a childminder they weren't paying me to watch their kid.

DH an only child and has no truck with this at all - I tend to be fine till they upset my kids or get over demanding - then they get taken back.

I honestly think this is your problem, if it's happening to you on every holiday that's telling you something?
Your kids sound old enough not to need watching like a hawk.
Mine are 9 & 13 and strong swimmers, and in a shallow pool on holiday. Yes there will always be at least one adult sitting where we can see them (or in the pool with them) but that doesn't mean we can't read etc too? They're not babies.
If they make friends with other children I think that's lovely but I don't feel responsible for the other children, and if it was time for us to leave or go for lunch etc I would just tell the other child we're leaving now. Likewise I wouldn't expect another parent to be responsible for my child just because they're playing together.

Note that the OP hasn’t been back after the original post. I assume she got the reaction she wanted.

No skin in the game (I have two children), but I understand a bit more from this thread how only children grow up to be so confident and successful compared to kids from larger families.

And yes, horrid stereotype, I'm aware, but then this thread is based on one.

Also can I just say as the parent of one child how fucking dispiriting and upsetting it is to see yet another thread stereotyping only children as weird, needy loners? It is genuinely making me want to leave MN, which is sad as I’ve been on here for more than 10 years.

If you know it's horrid, why share it?