1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

[Theseers]

It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on. I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

We managed to get to day 4 this year before it happened, a boy of around 7/8 edged his way over encouraged my mum. My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.

Ive lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.

I went on holiday with my 2 dgc and their parents. Dgc are 5 and 7 and play really well together. The issue we had was a single child wanted to play with older dgs but not younger dgs. Older dgs was happy to play with the other child, but the other child specifically ignored younger dgs, leaving him out of the game.

My son had to step in and tell his older ds that he had to play with younger ds as well. The other child, continued trying to get older dgc to leave his db out. We eventually had to get up and move as younger dgs was really upset at being left out. The other boy started to follow us but my son told him not to and to go back to his parents.

We then went down to the beach, where a woman came over and asked where her ds (the single child) was. When my son told her that he had told him to go back to his parents, she swore at him and told him she had only came to the beach because we were looking after her ds and if anything had happened to him it would be his fault! She then took off looking for her son. Luckily her son never came near us again.

It’s understandable that her son wanted someone to play with, but not to the detriment of one of my dgc, or so that his mother could just absolve herself of the responsibility of looking after him.

Just ignore all of them. I don't really understand why it winds you up - just let your kids deal with it. If the child starts wanting to join in your family meals, that's the time to put your foot down and send them back to their mother.

No. Kid jumps in pool, wants to play with other children in the pool. Mum probably said "They look nice, go and say hello if you want to".
Mother is still by the pool, but reading.

Still able to hear, glance up but not watching like a hawk.

plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.
20 metres is quite some distance, not right next to you all

kid comes over and involves himself.
What a cheek!! How dare he! 😂

The only time I do stifle an internal sigh is when younger children come over to play with my sociable older one. He is very good-natured and will play quite happily with littles, but he can get a little over-enthusiastic and forget the size difference sometimes and of course it is on me as a parent to teach him to adapt his play depending on who he is with. Having a toddler sibling helps, but I tolerate a much higher degree of rough play between the two of them (my boundary is "are they both having fun and is anyone actually likely to get hurt?") than the parent of a 4/5yo is likely to accept from a random 7yo. So then I do have to be on high alert, but it's just part of teaching social boundaries.

Yeah, this is a much more likely scenario, IMO/IME. My cousin has just got one child, a daughter, roughly the same age as my two. (all now in their 20s.)

She used to live in a street with 4 families with 3 and 4 children, all within 4 or 5 houses away. She would have a little trampoline and mini bouncy castle and a little pool in the big side garden (end council property - so big side garden,) for her little girl when she was small (under 7.) Some days she had them all up, not all.

Every single time, within 5 to 10 minutes anywhere between 3 and 6 of the kids in the street, would let themselves into the garden to 'play' with little Lucy, even though she was only 2 or 3, and they were 6 to 9 y.o.

The parents NEVER asked, and never came across to watch them as well, and sometimes fucked off out and didn't come back for 3 or 4 hours and just left the kids with her. She was feeding them, looking after them, making sure they were okay etc.

Sometimes they would just turn up, and sometimes the parents would call over and say 'they want to come and play with little Lucy. So I'm sending them over.' And then they'd just go off out for like, half a day and just leave them there. Sometimes didn't come back til 9-10pm. Used my cousin as a fucking childminder!

I find parents of 3 or more children, a lot more cheeky, and a lot more likely to dump their kids on other parents than parents of an only child are to dump their one child on someone. I've never known that happen actually. (In fact parents of 2 don't do it much, it's the ones with 3+ in my experience.) Had it happen to me a few times. Happened to my cousin a LOT though, as she lived in a street with families with 3 or 4 children really closeby. There has always been very few children closeby wherever me and DH have ever lived.

tl;dr YANBU @Theseers But I am not sure what you can do about it.

nb; not ALL families with 3 or more children are cheeky feckers who dump their children on others, but some are, and moreso than parents of 1 or 2 children IME.

That’s wholly irrelevant to the guidance in my country, the rules at local swimming pools in my country, and also the personal experience I was sharing relevant to the point of the thread 🤷‍♀️

I have come across this once 😂. I had to take my then 2yo home as couldn't get him to leave the bubbles alone. Now I'd probably tell the parent where to go but I was less assertive then.

But it's the same sort of mindset. Personally, I think that if you're doing fun activities with your children in public, communal spaces, then you shouldn't be surprised if sometimes you have to share those spaces with other children who may show an interest in the activities you're doing in the shared space. You can either encourage that interest or set boundaries ("sorry, we're doing this by ourselves right now") but you've introduced the fun activity (the "honeypot") so I have some sympathy with parents who don't immediately want to spring up from wherever they're sitting to keep their child away from you.

🤣😂🤣

Unless they're on holiday in Australia that is probably irrelevant too.

I've spent a lot of time in Australia and yes, the safety level regarding pools is much higher than in the UK and probably European countries too. The homes I know with pools in back yards have sturdy fences with a child-proof gate too.
Australians are to be applauded for it.

Under eights must be accompanied by an adult here in the UK. However, a couple of my DC were extremely competent swimmers by that age.

Well, lucky I can answer that. They were on holiday in Australia. But to be honest I would have felt the same anywhere - pissed off that the parents thought it was appropriate to leave their child for others to parent for a significant amount of time.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

Seems like you don't want to look after your own on 'your' holiday either ! ' I had 4 kids so I wouldn't have to entertain them all the time ' 🤣 why stop at 4 ? Have 8 then each one would have a partner and you wouldn't have to watch any of them ever !

As a side note - someone doesn't have ONLY 1 child , they have 1 child , there is no ONLY about it. ONLY implies that it is less than , which it is not.

They are in jokes - they won't make any sense to you, that's the point of an in joke!

I think what you’re missing in your analysis is that I had an only child. Of course children want to play with other children just as adults want to interact outside their family group. Just because you don’t send your child to play with the nice family over there, doesn’t mean others don’t. Similarly just because you would watch your child doesn’t mean others do. It is my experience that there are parents who do as OP describes. It’s ok up to a point but fairly tiresome sometimes.

We had this at home and it caused a bit of tension for a while when I put an end to it. Next door have an only child and I have 3 DC. Apparently my house and garden was just so much fun and despite having a cranky toddler and another DC with asd I should have been thrilled that their DD wanted to spend so much time with mine. I was at a stage where I was barely coping with my own DC never mind another one. I handled it in a very MN way and was firm but polite. DH still finds it hilarious as he reckons they think he is very nice and I'm a sour faced old cow.

What does SEN have to do with it? I have 2 x dcs (one is ND) and they both have dh, and my undivided attention. We wouldn't need an only dc for that to be the case.
Also, it is okay for children to have some things that they don't want to share. Special toys/possessions should be put away when other children come over to play and left at home when they go somewhere else. Teaching your child that others should respect their possessions, and not advocating force sharing is good.

I'll never forget when a friend came over, and my child and hers, were playing with a toy. Her child ran off with my dc's toy, wouldn’t let him play with it, and then mu dc got upset, and she reprimanded my dc for "not sharing!" He was a year younger, and it was his toy, there is definately a balance!

Confusion, I think!

Was the OP in Australia?
Or was this another family?

Sorry, must be me who missed something.

It is really really odd I find. These days only on Mumsnet does anyone comment on only children negatively - or at all. I have one child, 14 , no one has ever made a comment. I say these days as I am also an only (difference being I was a mistake, my child was just a while coming) and in the past it was a bit only children are spoilt (yes emotionally ruined as I took the full brunt of the enmeshment/parentification and was alone in my room terrified as my parents fought).

So when I come on here and there is a thread about only children its just wild!

No, I was in Australia, on my holiday, in the experience that I shared. Which you and another poster have commented on and tagged me in.

I would want my child to make friends on a holiday. I only have one, but even if I had more I'd want them to make friends.

I do believe in sharing the responsibility, though. I love the quick, barely spoken parenting alliances where we each end up feeling that we've helped each other out a bit, and our children playing with each other made life a little easier for all off us, without anyone just "pawning off" their children on anyone.

I don't see why a 7 yo needs watching. I think it's nice if someone wants to play with your kids, and I'd assume they welcome that as it happens alot so the more the merrier. I'm being a but facetious but if you already have 4, what's one more!

The SEN is relevant to our experience of my DD's friends. I wasn't making a judgement about SEN children in general. There's enough judgement on this thread already!

7 is very young, they need watching imo, in a busy pool area with lots of people you don't know.

No, I didn't see that post so didn't comment on it.

It was different from the OP's experience, I'd have been annoyed too.

7yo definitely need watching in a pool!! As for what's one more that’s exactly the attitude that’s the problem. I would imagine you are utterly clueless as to how much work is involved in supervising four as apposed to one, (top tip it’s at least four times the work)

I agree. Oh course a 7 y.o. needs watching!

@Chrsytalchondalier you have got to be kidding. You surely wouldn't leave a 7 y.o. to their own devices, on holiday, especially abroad, and especially near the pool/near water?!