1 child families + holidays + I don’t want to watch your kids

[Theseers]

It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on. I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us.

Im not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.

We managed to get to day 4 this year before it happened, a boy of around 7/8 edged his way over encouraged my mum. My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself.

Ive lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.

I have an online child 😁Now that is the way forward! Then there's no problem with them at the beach- they can all be safe playing with their online friends in their virtual online pool while all the parents read their books!

It seems odd that you are so focused on “1 child families”. We (a “1 child family”) have had this happen to us loads of times over the years (on holidays and days out), usually where the older child has left the parent(s) and younger siblings to play with our similar aged child.

We don’t normally mind, as long as the parents are still in sight, but what I have found frustrating/ concerning is when parents have disappeared leaving a child who we wouldn’t feel is old enough to leave alone.

@arethereanyleftatall that is true and I also regard myself as quite a ‘laissez fairs’ parent and like them to just play. However when child in question is doing things like - example- crawling under the toilet door, locking it from the inside and crawling out again- when there are only 2 toilets and elderly people in the group it needs some input 🙈😂🤷‍♀️

I think OP means that the lone child's parent should take their turn in watching all 5 of the children instead of leaving parent of 4 watching theirs whilst having time out to do their own thing. Perhaps parent of 4 would like to have a snooze or a read on the sun lounger too instead of being look out.

See now you are just making up any old story to suit your narrative! I think some parents are just more relaxed, even in the same family. I grew up with lots of siblings and with very relaxed parents who left us to play together and so that's my approach. My husband grew up with small family, very involved parents who played with them so he has always felt the need to supervise the kids' play.

My husband and I used to get into arguments about this because when we went on days out or to family/friends' parties, he would hover over our kids like a hawk while I would take the opportunity to catch up with friends and relax. He would then get annoyed at me because I''m not watching the kids and he's the pied piper that all the kids there have now attached themselves to because playing with an adult entertainer is fun. I told him if he just chilled out and also spoke to adults, our kids and the other kids would play together - that's what the entertainment/ bouncy castles/ play areas are for. Lo and behold once he stopped being a martyr, he also now gets to enjoy the events and days out we go to.

If a parent wants to be a martyr that's up to them. But if my kid wants to play with yours, I don't expect you to be watching them - I expect our kids to play together independently without adult involvement, just like I did as a child, and just like mine do at home. Same thing if someone else's child comes to play with mine. Obviously this only works for kids age 6/7+. Also only works if the other parent is in the vicinity so they can step in if their child needs help.

As the Mum of an only until my eldest was 8, I experienced this very differently. There’s a lot of lazy only child tropes on here.

Parents of more were often asking for favours picking up X because Y had yogalates or whatever at the same time. Rarely reciprocated paydates, because it’s easier when there are siblings of the same age, yada yada yada, even though if they had boys close in age I’d usually invite and host both. I once hosted all three of my eldests bestie’s siblings in an emergency. Did the Mum ever get off her arse and host my kid? No. Even though her son was regularly asking (in my earshot) for mine to come over. Yes, if I had an emergency some of these Mums would step up. But otherwise wouldn’t as they perceived it might make their lives even a modicum harder. And, of course, Sagittarius, only has one so it’s easier for her… I know this, because the invites started coming thick and fast when my youngest was born. But I was very glad when my eldest later outgrew these friendships, and got a new group with much more welcoming, reciprocal, open-spirited Mums.

My husband and I are engaged parents, who regularly play with other kids in the park. We don’t discourage ours from approaching others, but make ourselves obvious and available to their parents and will go and introduce ourselves. But I’ve often found it much harder when a sibling pair latches on with mine because they bring all their bickering with them — whereas only children tend to just fit in.

Um, no we kept to entertaining our child and let the larger families do the same! If people want their kids entertained then send then to a kids club.

I'm happy for my DC to play with others. On holiday, in the park, whatever. But my beef is with parents who see me as free childcare while they fiddle with their phones, have a nap or even just disappear. We have been out to eat as a family and had a child (ignored by his parents) come and hover around our table wanting to chat while we eat. We had two siblings (6 & 8) waiting for us by the lift every morning so they could go down to breakfast while mum had a lie in. DH often attracts hangers-on when playing with our children. Happy for them to join in, but parents need to be about keeping an eye out and when we leave or go to eat they need to return to their own base. It's not an only child thing - often the older sibling of an attention-consuming toddler. Sometimes I suspect it's first marriage kids on holiday with parent & new partner & possibly new half-sibling. Sometimes it's just lazy parents who seize an opportunity to have some personal time. We have got better at returning kids to base when needed. No hints, no beating about the bush, just tell them they need to go back to their own families now. Be unambiguous - it's not rude, it's giving clear directions. Kids appreciate distinct boundaries.

@HelenTudorFisk

Ok, it seems that kid is a pita, but by the time my kids were 9 they were competent club swimmers and I would be perfectly happy to leave them playing in a pool by themselves. I wouldn't have left but I wouldn't be watching them like a hawk. Neither would I expect you to.

That must have been a difficult situation for you to navigate, I think I probably would have taken my 6 yr old and left, as frustrating for you as that must have been.

As a slight aside, because of my job and my hobby, all swimming, I have been in hundreds upon hundreds of pools. I have never once seen one that wasn't 8 years and over can go in unaccompanied and certainly not 12.

Exactly. They are just assuming she will, as they roll over on their sunbed.

"Asking" would at least show some manners and acknowledgement

What are "holiday in jokes?" I'm intrigued.

My 2 are similar, they get lost in their own little games. Dc1 is ND, and will love chatting to another kid for awhile, but then easily gets bored/or realises they're on a different wavelength, and politely tells them finished playing. I just wish the parent would get the memo when their dc is still repeatedly hanging around, and pestering dc1.

We have 1 dd and i often end up looking after several other kids who play with dd. Obviously happy to as dd is enjoying herself. Works both ways i guess! Always chat to the parents though and make sure everyone is happy with the arrangement.

I find it the opposite, I play with my DS and always attract kids on holiday who want to play. I’m ok with it as long as the parents are watching them.

Yes, this. Some parents feel the need to supervise more closely than others and for some reason they also feel the need to supervise other people's kids.

Whereas there is no need to take responsibility for anyone else's child. Assume their parents are happy with the level of supervision they are providing themselves and carry on. Obviously if you happen to see them drowning you would intervene, but no need to watch them just in case.

If the child is annoying and your children don't want to play with them then that's the only time to send them away.

This is my point. You would have taken your child and left - why the fuck should I have to? Why should my child have to miss out because these parents have left?
I don’t live in the UK - I am in Australia. The guidance here is very clear about clear sight to a minimum of ten years. My local pool has added to that as is their right as a recreational facility, following an incident a few years ago. My job also brings me into contact with critical incidents involving children and for a multitude of reasons I would not leave them unsupervised at a pool under 12.

You meet am awful lot of poor parents and over friendly children ☹️. And you really ought to restrict your children to only socialising with their siblings.

I find this too as parent of an only. The kids with multiple siblings are usually shocked to get so much adult attention and end up sticking with us. I don't mind one bit because raising children takes a village, whether you have one, many, or no kids. So many selfish responses here.

What I will say is parents of multiple kids are probably more exhausted, so have less energy to spare. I would have thought getting the kids to play with someone else would help this.. (but I wouldn't know)

YABU, why does it matter in any way? You just sound very judgy of people who only have 1 kid. Nice your kids are making friends.

Aww wow what a way to make patents of onlys feel shit on a Monday morning!
also tbh it’s just not true. Parents of multiple kids are always slacking off and dumping their various kids on only parents

'My husband and I used to get into arguments about this because when we went on days out or to family/friends' parties, he would hover over our kids like a hawk while I would take the opportunity to catch up with friends and relax. He would then get annoyed at me because I''m not watching the kids and he's the pied piper that all the kids there have now attached themselves to because playing with an adult entertainer is fun. I told him if he just chilled out and also spoke to adults, our kids and the other kids would play together - that's what the entertainment/ bouncy castles/ play areas are for. Lo and behold once he stopped being a martyr, he also now gets to enjoy the events and days out we go'

Absolutely this. My ex husbands group of friends was exactly like this. South African is that's relevant. At any party the children of all ages just played with other children, and the parents all just enjoyed themselves. And IT WORKED. Often the parent of a toddler would slip the 14 yo in the group a tenner to keep an eye, come get them if any problems. One year it came about that I had a Xmas party with 'my' group of friends and it was so kid-centric with party games, all about the kids etc, and it was fraught and the parents were knackered by the end, followed a week later with my exes friends Christmas party which was so so much better and everyone had fun.

At those ages I wouldn't think they'd need much watching. I really like seeing my only child making friends on holiday. I encourage them - not because it gives me a break, but because it's nice to see them playing with other children. My DC is very confident approaching new children and doesn't need me to engineer meetings much. They do it off their own back.

I don't really see the problem unless the parents actually wander off leaving their child with you.

Only parents certainly carry a very large chip.

Op I agree, but it isn't a only problem it is a parent problem. Also agree that if an adult is involved in a game, or actively playing with their children then they also become a magnet for other children.

I don't care if you think I'm selfish, and I'm not your village to raise your child.

I don't think op is meaning your average holiday friendship. She is meaning "latchers on," there is a vast difference.

That's interesting about the age difference in Australia @HelenTudorFisk
I'm in the UK- it's 8 here.

I had two and they played together or with other children, I never watched other peoples children whilst they were playing.

If you're in the pool and the children are playing then the parents not paying attention - send the child back to the parent as children shouldn't be in a pool not attended by the parent