To say DH can’t see female friends alone?

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DH has some female friends I feel he is too friendly with. WIBU to say he can only see them in a group situation with others not one to one?

Is it specific women for specific reasons (possibly YANBU), or all women (Probably YABU, and a bit of a nut job)

My grandfather used to say ‘If they’re going to go wrong, they’ll go wrong in their lunch hour’
You can try and control him, track his phone, check his computer, brand his arse.
But if he chooses to be unfaithful, you can’t really stop him. Why be with someone you don’t trust?

If you can't trust him, end the relationship. Simples.

YABU. My husband told me I couldn't go and see an old friend visiting the country recently. Well, didn't tell me I couldn't, but said that he wasn't happy, why the fuck would I want to, can't believe I would do this. I didn't go. I am extremely depressed and trapped in a shit relationship. Would you want your husband to say that about you and your relationship?

In a trusting relationship, you let the other person live their life. If it isn't trusting, you have bigger problems than the female friends.

(Working on an out, before people attack me. Last time I made a comment like this I had people tagging me for days to stick the boot in and tell me I had no self worth).

Yanbu BUT you are not dealing with this correctly.

Your desire for your dh not to have female friends (acquaintances are fine) is completely valid.

It's not as simple as he'll either cheat or he won't, the intention may not be there but emotions are shared and one thing can lead to another.
This idea that he's either a cheat or not does not take into account situations.
So naive to think that this is an either or thing. Ridiculously naivety on some posters' part.

Every smart person knows this.

So why not explain this to him?

I enjoy male company in a group setting but there's no way I'd hang one on one, it's just asking for trouble.

That first sentence is a monumental crock of shit.

"Your desire for your dh not to have female friends (acquaintances are fine) is completely valid."

You sound very controlling like the OP.

I've never accidently fucked someone and I've never come across anyone who has.

The intention is always there. Unless it is non-consensual.

So yes, you will either cheat or you won't. It really is that simple.

Dress it up with feelings and circumstances and whoops didn't mean to, went to buy a paper and tripped dick first into a fanny as much as you like but it doesn't change the simple fact that cheating is a choice you make. Always.

And not just one choice.

Choice after choice after choice leads you there.

To talk, to keep secrets, to spend time with them, to get close to them, to lie to your partner, to kiss them etc etc.

Cheating is the culmination of a series of choices. It is not something that happens to you while you were not paying attention

🚩 🚩 🚩

^ that’s you

HTH

If he's untrustworthy, leave him or leave him to go about his business in peace while you stay with him.

YABU!

Same. It's not something I'd be cool about again.

You can say what you like OP and he will then choose to either comply, defy or lie. You need to think about what each of these options would mean for your marriage, because none of them are great. Best case scenario is to be on the same page with a partner about opposite sex friendship, so if you don't like it, you're better matched with a person who doesn't do it. Did he have all these female friends when you met him, or is it new behaviour? If they've always been a feature, why are you suddenly worried? If they're new, what has changed?

I have male friends. If DH said this I'd leave him. I'm a grown woman and he has no right to control me. Same goes for your husband.

Yeah whatever. IDGAF if I am. No fucking way is my dh having one on one meals with another woman. Or taking her to the cinema etc etc.

No wonder there are so many divorces these days if people are cool with their spouses spending lots of one on one time with another man/woman which, incidentally, in real life I don't actually think they are.

Yeah in real life most adults naturally cool down their friendships with the opposite sex when they're in relationships. It's just a social norm.
The internet definitely doesn't reflect reality for this issue!

100% this! No way in HELL would I tolerate my husband going out/socialising with another woman, when there is just the two of them and no-one else!

Going to the cinema, going for meals, having private chats together, doing a hobby together, going for walks together, going for drinks together to the pub/wine bar/restaurant etc. Nah, fuck that! It ain't happening.

Any married woman who says she would be OK with her husband doing this is lying. Fact!

I’d be OK with it and I’m not lying. Fact.

Me too. If my husband wants to cheat on me he will and I’ll deal with it if it happens.

I’m not pissing about wasting time gate keeping.

I know of a bloke who left for work at 5.30am so he could shag his AP before work (they worked together). He lived sufficiently far from work that it didn’t arouse suspicion. His wife had ‘no female friends’ rules too but he still fucked about.

@MollyMoonshine So you haven't taken note then of the masses of women nowadays who complain that they are their partner/husband's sole source of companionship and emotional support as they seemingly have no other friends?

and I wouldn’t tolerate my husband thinking he had a say in who my friends are and where I go out with them.

Marriages are different. Shock horror.

My best friend is male, it would be hypocritical for me to do those things with my best friend but think I can control who my husbands friends are.

Me too. If my husband wants to cheat on me he will and I’ll deal with it if it happens.

I’m not pissing about wasting time gate keeping.

Absolutely. I'm not interested in someone where I have to manage their friendships to make sure they don't cheat (which I don't for a second think works - he'll cheat anyway if he's going to).

I'd have no issue with it. And thankfully DH doesn't have an issue with it either - I'm going for drinks with a male friend (an old colleague I've known longer than DH, and where nothing even remotely flirtatious/sexual/inappropriate has ever happened) just the two of us next week.

Just wanted to say well done on starting to make a plan to get out (sorry if that sounds patronising, it’s not meant to) and good luck. 💐

And sorry people are dickheads and have been nasty in the past.

If you distrust your DH that much you shouldn't be married to him any longer.

It's really not as simple as he'll either cheat or not.
Players will cheat regardless, true but perfectly loyal men and women can be sucked into an affair gradually over time - familiarity, surroundings all play a part.

Also, if there's alcohol involved they may talk about things they really should not.

Again in real life I do not know anyone who routinely goes out with members of the opposite sex where it's just the two of them to socialise.

I mean it's just fucking ridiculous that in reality any of the posters here really would be cool if their husband's announced they were taking another woman out to dinner.

Not that that would happen if course because nobody who was actually taking someone other than their wife to dinner would announce it because it's obviously not acceptable.

Even a regular coffee /lunch date is borderline dodgy.

@Felaku

you are just wrong. My DH meets his female ex-colleague (single) fairly regularly for coffee/lunch.

They are friends, have shared experiences/history/work.

I am capable of having male friends that doesn’t lead to an affair just as he is female ones.

And if he decides to cheat that’s a decision, however it arises. I’m not interested in trying to stop it. If he needs stopping and watching then it’s already a relationship in trouble.