To say DH can’t see female friends alone?

[Namechange2764]

DH has some female friends I feel he is too friendly with. WIBU to say he can only see them in a group situation with others not one to one?

Yeah do it, and let us know how that works out for you...

I don't know.
Lunch with a work colleague, old school friend? Maybe. Alone with others around? OK.
Evening dinner at her's staying overnight? No.

You're not being insanely controlling, though.
For a marriage to survive, there are definitely things you only do with your spouse.
You don't dilute it with others and while nobody sets out to have an affair but we are influenced by surroundings.

And I bet most people are wary of any new opposite sex friends that appear-this cool wife thing gets on my wick.

It's ridiculous to suggest you are being abusive!

My point is that perhaps the OPs boyfriend is behaving in an unreasonable way with his female friends and we should wait to hear what's happening.

If that's the case, then banning him from seeing them is just a sticking plaster over the actual issue of him being inappropriate. No one who is likely to cheat suddenly turns into a great partner simply because they've been forbidden from seeing someone.

YABU! Has he had affairs with them?

My DH goes for a curry with his 2 female best mates every couple months. It's fine with me, I don't want to go and stay home with a nice take away!

Jesus' biggest miracle was being a 30 year old man with 12 close friends.

Love this!

Not unreasonable. The world has gone mad imo.

If course it's unreasonable p. If he's going to cheat he will do it regardless so you either trust him or you don't.

Several posts this weekend have that 'school holidays have started' energy.

threads, I mean

How friendly is "too friendly"? If you don't trust him you won't believe he is meeting in a group rather than 1 to 1. Your problem is lack of confidence in his fidelity, either based on his previous conduct or your self-esteem. Address the root cause.

Same. It's controlling.

All bollocks, usual MN answers on the whole.

the reality is you need to give more info.

does he have other female friends you’re ok with? DH has plenty but over the years I’ve learnt to rely on my spidey senses. There have been 2 (out of many friends) who I just knew were trouble. DH thought I was being jealous/ just didn’t get them.

And then came back after a while saying you were right. So now if my spidey sense goes again he will listen straight up. I’m not the jealous type, have male and female friends.

or are you naturally jealous? I’ve had a friends (now ex) have real issues with me. Worked together as a group for ages, texted every 3 months ish, once we left that job met up usually as a group once or twice a year. Honestly she had an issue with pretty much any female. She didn’t last.

If my bloke tried this our relationship wouldn’t have made it to six months. Fortunately he had more sense.

Unless he has a long history and cheating then yes, YABU

My DH & I agreed when we got married that as a boundary so we both felt comfortable, not to open the door to emotional affairs etc, not to make a habit of seeing opposite sex alone.
It's not a hard & fast rule of never ever + it's defo not about not trusting the other person, but respecting how the other might feel.

However, if it's something you guys do, to try & stop it might be difficult. Could you suggest he invites them over for dinner/ drinks/ a games night + try to make them your combined friends a bit more?

But that's completely different. You aren't saying he's not allowed to see these women - you're discussing it with him, and because he trusts your opinion based on history, he's agreeing.

It still sounds a little unnecessary, because as you've said, the time he did think you were just being irrational, when it got inappropriate in some way he recognised it and (like any decent partner) removed himself from the situation. So there was ultimately no need for you to manage that relationship for him, he did it fine himself.
But either way, it doesn't sound like it's led to a situation where you unilaterally lay down a rule "you can't see her".
If OP had posted "AIBU to talk to my partner about how uncomfortable I feel around his relationship with a couple of female friends because of [example behaviour], I'm hoping he'll see why I don't like it and change the way he is around them" she'd have got completely different responses.

Have you discussed how you feel with him OP? That's where you need to start. Beyond that we need more details to decide what is and isn't reasonable.

If you can't trust him not to cheat, why are you together?

You're just papering over the cracks with this and not actually addressing the issue.

If he wants to go round sticking his dick in women then he will do it whether you 'ban' him from seeing his female friends or not

You'd have to have a tracker implanted in him or follow him round.

Either he's going to be faithful or he's not.

If you can’t trust him to be alone with female friends then just end the relationship. Either your fears are founded (in which case you’ll be better off) or unfounded (in which case he will be better off…)

I feel conflicted about this!

I'm fine with female friends from before we got together, life long friends if you like!

I'd be fine with someone I'd met who he was doing something with regularly like a work colleague, a hobby friend, eg a coffee post hobby or someone he met through a kids activity they both supervise, like a lunch after swimming or something.

But a random new friend? Someone he no longer works with? A meet up that sounded like a date eg, drinks or dinner just the two of them, I would be uncomfortable!

Make of that what you will! Context is everything! Other things I would consider, if I thought the woman fancied him or if she were his 'type'.

I trust my husband though so who knows why I feel that way!

This

I can understand the feeling of envy. However I lost my best friend to this mindset. Me and my ex Best Friend had nothing sexual at all between us other than the fact that we briefly got together TEN YEARS before he and his wife got together, and even then only casually, Yet his wife still believed I fancied him a decade later! I honestly didn't! Sadly this led to the loss of my Best Friend. So I dunno what to say, please judge wisely as important friendships can be lost through unnecessary jealousy :(

Hmmm...
I'd be massively pissed off if DH told me I couldn't meet up with male friends one on one.
In fact I have before, gone for a night out in the pub with one when I was away from home.
Completely innocent.
So I'd be a massive hypocrite if I said he couldn't do the same.
Depends how much you trust your partner really

Alrighty