To have a 'cut-off' for breakfast

[DominiqueBernard]

Last night, the DC (12 and 11) went to bed at 9pm to read then lights out at 9.30pm as usual at weekends. We had said we would go to Mass this morning at 9.30am.

At 9am DS11, DH and I were all awake and had eaten breakfast and got dressed. DD12 was still asleep so we decided not to wake her and we went to Mass at 9.20am, leaving her a note. We got back at about 10.45am and she was still asleep. She woke up at 11.45am. She came into the kitchen where DH, DS and I were preparing lunch. We had cleared away her breakfast place to make room (our kitchen diner is small). She helped herself to a glass of juice and then DH said, lunch is at 12.30pm, implying that she could wait until then to eat. I agreed with DH and still do.

However, I wonder if others might say we were being mean?

If it's relevant, we come from a culture where it's very unusual to eat between meals.

It was.

Yanbu. It would be the same in our house. Assuming she is a healthy 12 year old she won't starve waiting 40 mins for a meal and we encourage family meal times together, not people snacking mindlessly constantly on the go. Snacking is why so many people are fat.

If your DD didn't wake till 11.45 , she probably didn't wander into the kitchen till twelvish , so no point eating if lunch was 12.30 .

As you and your DH both agreed on this , there's really no point in asking about something so trivial in here .

I don't think it was mean - she had a long lie-in and had to wait 45 minutes to eat - it isn't a big deal.

You misunderstood me. I wouldn’t mind asking my DD to wait in this situation but I would give her something to eat if she was desperate or allow her to eat cereals if she wasn’t keen on eating lunch yet. But OP’s post gave me the vibe that her DD hasn’t got an choice and even her coming to get an orange juice looked a bit too much. I might be wrong but it’s something for Op to consider.

By the way no wonder we are in a fucking mess if some of us are so emotional about such a little difference in views.

I agree with you op. My teen dd gets up when she pleases. You have to make it clear that the people in the majority, or in correct time for making the meal get the priority for using the kitchen.

"I wonder if you are too focused on rules in your house. It’s good to have them but not to overdo them otherwise it sends kids the message that it’s your home but not theirs and they will vote with their feet as soon as they can."

Well yes, they are supposed to move out and appreciate the autonomy that brings when they reach adulthood, thats not a bad thing?!

My house my rules. I regularly tell me kids they can do what they want when they're paying.

I think I might be the only one here who is shocked a 12 year old was allowed to sleep in until nearly midday. My mum enforced a strict up by no later than 10am rule at weekends even at 18!

I don’t think you were mean OP. It’s only 45 minutes. Even my 2 year old is able to wait that long.

Kids learn habits, good or bad from their parents so I find it’s best to set good ones. If you wake up at lunchtime you have one meal - call it breakfast or lunch but you don’t eat two meals because you missed the first. That’s just bonkers.
Would also have been in to get her up or check if she was ill if sleeping that long without a late night.

what happens if you want to eat something nice, like a roast chicken, that takes a couple of hours?

Personally I'll do a meal like that in the evening and then we aren't chained to the kitchen all day and have a bit of flexibility to have a lazy one if we want it! It works for my house and I'd far rather my offspring enjoyed some downtime (thus allowing me the same) and we all convened for a nice relaxed family meal rather than have a regimented early lunch. I guess we're all different.

I think you could have been more gentle about it. “Don’t fill up with breakfast, remember we’ll be eating lunch at 12:30”.

I think you have to expect a teen to sleep in till everyone else’s bedtime and then graze voraciously. It comes with the territory.

In my house the non-negotiable would be the Mass attendance but an extraordinarily late or extra breakfast (or a pre-lunch snack) wouldn’t cause a stir.

Nothing wrong with this - she can wait for lunch.

I feel sorry for any kids dragged to mass, that's much more 'batshit' than waiting for lunch

At 11 and 12 ours would make their own breakfast and lunch, no set time for either, especially at the weekend.

ds normally has breakfast about midday and then lunch at 2 ish ur he makes it himself.

You would make your kids attend a church service? That's shit.

Was it, aye?

Depends what she wants.

I hate eating anything savoury first thing and that means regardless of when I get up I eat a sweet breakfast.

When I was a teen and out with friends I would skip lunch and have breakfast at 11.30am.

My mum knew that and would cook lunch accordingly just for her and my dad.

DD is now the same, I find it actually nice not to think too much about lunch at the weekend, we cook our main meal in the evenings anyway though.

I'm with you. Breakfast is gone and she should wait for lunch. It's only 40 minutes.

She's a growing girl who slept for over 14 hours. Does that not seem like someone who could be going through a growth spurt/hormonal changes and therefore might need to just be cut a bit of slack on the seemingly rigid household rules re eating. Good luck in the future with a teen boy and not eating between meals.

I don't think it's unreasonable to wait 45 minutes for your first meal of the day. I would have done the same op. I think this idea of snacking, and eating whenever and whatever you like, just breeds obesity. If you were planning to make her wait hours for a meal I would say you are being unreasonable, but making her wait 45 minutes for lunch over breakfast is perfectly fine.

Growing up I was regularly barred from the kitchen if I was late up or late home. Mealtimes were set and that included water I’d have to secretly drink from the bathroom tap if thirsty !

There are literally people starving all over the world.

I think your adolescent child will survive 45mins.

Now that really is batshit.

Well, not if you are bringing them up Catholic.