Are you twins? The excuse she needs.

[Spacespice]

Name changed to protect identity.

I have a sister who is 12 months younger than me. It’s true that we look similar. Same blonde hair, same brown eyes. I don’t really see anything else that is the same. I’m also about 5 shades lighter than her, as she is more olive toned and I’m fair.

It seems people fall into two camps:
1: Oh my god are you twins
2: You two look nothing alike

The people in camp 1 really piss me off, because my sister is a big girl. Size 24 and carries it on her stomach, neck and tops of arms/legs. I am a size 10-12.

And whilst she has an issue with food, I, knowing I also carry the weight gain gene, make a conscious effort to stay in shape for my height of 5’8. Oh I’m also about 4 inches taller than my sister.

If they said ‘hey, you guys look really similar, you share the same hair/eyes/lips/teeth/insert other feature here’ well that’s not a problem. I think she’s gorgeous.

But twins? Really?

It really triggers my annoyance, probably more so because she responds by looking us both up and down and saying ‘I can’t need to lose that much then’ but she does, she doesn’t see how big she’s getting! And I’m terrified because she isn’t healthy and it might not sound like it from this post, but I love her. I want her to lose weight.

For information. I don’t tell her she needs to lose weight. I just say things like ‘Hey want to come to the gym with me?’ Or ‘Oh I have this recipe for a delicious meal; it’s super light too! Wanna come over and try it?’ Or even ‘Fancy walking in the Forest with me, I’m a bit scared to do it on my own’.

Advice appreciated and if I’m being a brat, you can let me know.

I have twins.

They are 23.

One is a size 20 and has major health issues and uses a wheelchair.
The other has no health issues and is stick thin and super fit.

I understand why you are upset but they're not saying nasty things about you.

I think you need to do something to get over your insecurities about your own weight, and definitely stop trying to police your sister’s food, regardless of how subtle you think you’re being about it. (You aren’t being at all subtle, by the way).

Focus on creating a positive relationship with your own body and leave your sister to manage hers.

You are being a brat, and clearly have weight issues.

Yes you're being a brat and even though the intention isn't there you are seeing your sister as less than you due to her weight. If you weren't you wouldn't be so indignant about the remarks to your similarities.

I’m not trying to be mean and I’m genuinely not interested in my own body.

But she’s got a number of diet related illnesses including FLD and she’s only in her thirties. I look at her and worry.

She probably is. That’s ok.

… this is such a weird post! How are both of you so hung up on weight having to be the same for twins?!

Honestly, your subtle remarks sound very patronising. I think you need to stop trying to manage your sister's weight. She's an adult. Focus on yourself.

You are being a brat!! If you look alike you look alike, people have eyes and can clearly see there's a weight difference. Work on your own insecurities and stop being so judgemental. As if people are going to start pointing out your eyes, lips, hair, blah blah.

Ps, twins can be different sizes, just in case you thought they couldn't be 🤯

People ask me if my two youngest are twins, one has ginger hair, pale skinned and green eyes, the other brown hair and eyes and olive skinned. Never get upset by it

I’m interested to know why you’re so sure you carry the ‘weight gain’ gene? You do know that, unless you ARE identical twins, you don’t necessarily share any one particular gene, don’t you?

Lots of people in my family do. As a child I was bigger than most. In my teens I took control of it.

I’ve lost family members to obesity related diseases. Bowel cancer, diabetes and heart attack.

I think you are coming across as a brat for zooming in on specific areas on your sister. The idea of- I can’t look like her because she has heavy x,y,z.

These sound, from your op, that they are your insecurities, and she will feel them.

What are aspects of your sister, as a person, that you love and value? When someone likens you, I wonder why it isn’t these that you focus on? Do they specifically mention shape and build or is that coming from you?

You can look alike and be different weights …. I think this is your issue. She’s younger than you, be flattered!

Why on earth would you think a difference in weight should mean that you couldn't be twins?

Clearly only one of you got the intelligence gene.

I’m pretty sure that the people who say “You are twins” are intelligent enough to understand that twins can be different weights. They are commenting your facial features.

I have to say that if my sibling invited me with a tinkly laugh for a “super light!” meal I’d be rolling my eyes big time. But then my brother and I are much more honest with each other so he’d just say to me “What are you doing to shift that flab then eh?”.

You’re absolutely right that size 24 is not healthy. Just have an honest conversation about it.

My sister is beautiful. She’s generous to a fault. She’s my best friend believe it or not.

Shape and build is coming from me.

People who say it are those seeing us together for the first time, so it is physical resemblance. She definitely sees this as also being weight related as she will comment that she doesn’t need to do anything. That’s what annoys the most.

Smug uperiority and fat shaming, coupled with the OP's own weight and height.

If your ego and self validation are based entirely on your weight (and they must be if you get so upset about being asked if your sister is your twin) you need to find something to fulfil you.

I'm sure your sister is acutely aware of her own weight and the resulting health issues, there's no need to pretend to be helpful with your overt suggestions.

She definitely sees this as also being weight related as she will comment that she doesn’t need to do anything. That’s what annoys the most.

It's clearly a thing most people overweight would say being compared to someone slim (even though the comparison is obviously not weight related). It's a joke! You need to lighten up.

You do realise that she's joking when she says you must be similar weights after the twin comments?

There is clearly some messed up dynamics in your family if you're all overweight and judge each other so harshly on your appearance. Your DSIS is probably binge eating as a coping mechanism for all of the unresolved family trauma. And you're codependent to be so enmeshed in her weight and appearance.

You all need therapy.